I ended the relationship and yet I feel crippled with guilt, regret, and all sorts of sadness. Anyone else been there?

I just ended a relationship of several months. It was incredibly difficult. She did nothing wrong. There was nothing wrong with her. In fact, she was by most measures a great girlfriend. Aside from being much younger, pretty, and fit, she thought the world of me and showered me with compliments, but didn't need my constant attention. She was willing to go way out of her way to make me feel good. She would even fold my laundry without asking (note: I despise folding laundry...).

Still, when a friend I hadn't seen in a while asked me all the things I liked about her, I struggled. I reflected on how I felt in past relationships and started to feel we lacked something "special"--like she was "the one." I found myself focused on her flaws, which were unfortunately conspicuous: 1) my closest friend hates her (I expect my family doesn't think much of her either); 2) she's cheap, especially with restaurant bills; 3) she can be narcissistic; 4) she almost never says thank you; 5) she's often rude to waitstaff; and 6) our sense of humors often clash.

Because she had such strong feelings for me, I knew that I needed to come to a conclusion about our future. In the end, I felt something missing, and couldn't look past the parts of her that annoyed me. I also refused to stay in a relationship because I was "comfortable." So I ended things. Better now than later, I thought. The breakup went amicably (relatively speaking). But while I expected to feel liberated by the decision, the opposite has been true. I've felt painfully lonely. I miss her a ton. And I struggle to come to grips with the fact that I may never see her again, or that I can't just text her to hang out.

And so here I am wondering what other people's experiences have been. Have you been through this too, only to find that you did the right thing and just needed time for your heart to catch up to your head? Or is this a sign I may have rushed my decision?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Why does your closest friend hate her first of all.. there could be so many subjective reasons for this.
    Second, things like not saying thank you and being rude to servers can be corrected - if she's willing to learn and grow.
    Unfortunately tho, your humor is who you are at your core and something that cannot be changed. Sharing in humor and friendship in a relationship is crucial to the foundation. Friends only have an opinion and at the end of the day it should not matter either way, it's how you feel when you're together.. communication and constructive criticism has the power to help us see things from another perspective and gain from it.. if we chose to see it.. but most importantly, think about your lives together down the road, and when she doesn't get where you're coming from are you able to brush that off?


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