Are you defensive when you feel guilty?

My ex and I broke up a few months ago. Haven't had any contact with one another since and the break up itself wasn't very exciting-he just ended it and that was that. Recently I've heard of a few of my friends/mutual friends having "run ins" with him where he tries to defensively convince them how "respectful and well" he treated me even if they haven't brought it up. He was a good boyfriend but not perfect. Is he doing this because he is feeling guilty about the breakup and is feeling judged or something? No one gave him any flack for dumping me so I don't know why he's being so defensive about it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Most of the time when someone is feeling guilty, they become defensive. So, he's feeling guilty about something.

    • So do I just let him go about his business in this way? It's hard to keep hearing about it and the funny thing is I never said he was a bad bf-I actually really enjoyed our relationship. What's with putting so much pressure on himself?

    • If he wants to be defensive, let him be. It's not really bothering you is it? He's probably insecure and worried reputation. He doesn't want people to think badly of him.

    • Also a very good answer! :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Just because people get defensive when they feel guilty doesn't mean they feel guilty every time when they get defensive...


What Girls Said 1

  • If these mutual friends are women, he might be trying to save face with them.

    He wants to insue that his reputation is not damaged. And, he might be using this conversation starter to hear what you have been saying about him.

    Either way, just ignore it. Forget about him. He dumped you. His loss.

    • One was a guy, one was a girl- and the girl is just an acquaintance of ours, so not even a close mutual friend. thanks for the advice!

    • Sometimes, this girl who is "not even a close mutual friend" may also have their own personal intentions, too.

      Or is being asked to say the same as he is......

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