Finding it hard to get over ex, eventho he's a jerk?

So I was in my first real relationship for about 9 months with someone i was completely in love with. He did everything to make me feel like the one, even talked about getting married etc.
Anyways, everything was going fine until he had to move to across the world for school with his family. We were gonna do long distance until he could move back, wanted to remain committed and stuff.
Long story short, i was totally in love with him and ready to support him no matter what but found out a day after he left that he was cheating on his girlfriend of about 4 years with me lol. I also lost my virginity to him and he knew it was a huge thing for me.. i feel used and heartbroken.

After everything blew up, he threatened me to not tell anyone and told me that his relationship with his girlfriend was forced by his parents and he couldn't get out of it (Lol found out he lied about this and that he himself introduced his girlfriend to his parents).
Right after this, i ended up very physically sick and had multiple dr visits, was told to go for psychotherapy and was prescribed drugs. it was just very hard and he pushed me so far down, even though he always told me he'd never ever hurt me so it's the the most traumatic thing i've ever been through (esp bc i lost my virginity to him and it was very important to me)

ANYWAYS fastforward 2 months, I'm trying to get over him and i regret everything but i can't change the past and im miserable. I try so hard to stay positive and im fine when im out but as soon as i have any down time for myself, i instantly break down and the pain returns...

Everythng reminds me of him, the songs we listened to, movies, shows, places we went to, dates etc
I'm finding it really hard to move on, i didn't get closure and he blocked me too. i feel betrayed and i know i shouldn't give a crap but i can't help feeling this way.

Sorry this was long i just had to get it out. Any help? I haven't got closure either i dont know what i want to do
Finding it hard to get over ex, eventho he's a jerk?
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