When you lose love for your wife?

Me & my wife... were just great until she got pregnant. Our baby now 6 months old & over the course of pregnancy to now, i've gone from love to the brink of hate.

It started off with being critical of me, stupid shit, expecting me to do things just because she wanted me to, without telling me. It progressed... to point where i was walking on egg shells constantly. The baby came, there was a reprieve for 3-4 days... then an escalation.

Where right now... mentally i'm done with her.

i cook all our meals, i work 12 hr days 6 days a week, i do all washing/ cleaning. i am basically a slave to her & my daughter. Not complaining one bit about that... i enjoy it. My problem is the constant criticism... over absolute nonsense, i can't go in all examples, because it would take me all day. But she loses her temper over nothing ( 1 example, she asked me to pick up salami & cheese, i made her a sandwich... took it to her & she asked where the ham was, i told her she didn't ask for ham & showed her the message she sent me) she then proceeded to be in a mood, ignore me rest of day. Sounds ridiculous, but the nonsense is all on par with this.

Around 3 months ago, id had enough. So i tried to talk to her ( i've tried to talk to her many times about how she speaks to me & she dismisses it or apologises , but never changes her attitude towards me) so i told her, how she is treating me isn't making me happy & i wasn't sure if i wanted to stay with her. She went into a rage, saying that im going to abandon her & my daughter. Wasn't my intention, i wanted to bring to light that she can't keep treating me like this. Since then, she keeps bringing it up & nothing has changed.

For me, i'm not having fun anymore. this is my side of story, but i can guarantee, if you had her side of story. She would admit how she behaves, but continually chooses not to change it.

what do i do? am so stuck


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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow! Sounds intense. Have you tried being very direct, by telling her that you are downtown unhappy in the marriage? Perhaps suggest some sort of help (counseling etc.) before giving up on the marriage. If you are not happy, chances are, she's not either.

    • Yes, very direct.

      I'm a good guy, but if somebody tries to push me around. I will stand up for myself. problem is... my wife abuses it time & time again. i've tried every angle to get her to realise it's bullshit how she acts.

      My wife is the type of person who buries her head in the sand. Her tactic is ignore it & in the morning she pretends nothing happened.

      Problem is, if you don't break the cycle... the problem that was there yesterday & not resolved. Will always be there unresolved.

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    • 100% i think i'm very lucky to come from a family that we were raised with love & never came to blows because we are always open , honest & direct with each other.

      My wife's family on the other hand, none of them talk. Her mum & dad separated, they don't talk to any of family because of money issues. Prime example, Her cousins/ auntie/ uncle. came to see the baby on the day she was born. My wife was exhausted & sent them a message not to come until she felt better. They came anyway, my wife said she didn't want them to come in & she just wanted to rest. 6 months later , they haven't spoken since.

      Another example is she hates how i drive, i drive slow because we got the baby. i drive careful because i've been in car accidents in past , that were my fault. She finds fault with my driving all the time. Yet couple months ago, she drove into back of another car because she was texting & after that she didn't want to "talk" about it.

    • Well, you're definitely in a tough situation. You have difficult decision to make. I wouldn't let her use guilt to manipulate your decision. You know what is good for you. You have to be at your best, so you can be the best dad you can be :-)

  • First things first, help her remember the beautiful relationship & connection you once had. Having a new baby, your first baby, changes everything- in good ways and not so good ways.
    It may be her hormones. Remember, it takes a woman at least one year to completely recover from pregnancy and childbirth. You said you have a little girl when a woman is pregnant with girls they have even more estrogen flowing through them. She may be struggling with the new baby. Try to stay positive, be her rock, be her support but don’t be a little b****. Be firm yet kind and tell her some things are about to change. Give her some passionate sex. Start working out together. Start cooking together. Make sure she’s taking care of herself hygiene & making sure she does things to make her feel beautiful & sexual (she’s still a woman).
    Definitely go to the take and have some tests run.

    Don’t worry. It’s not as bad as it seems. She just really needs you right now

    • I don't think there is any excuse in the world for disrespect.

      Most of my friends have kids & speaking to them, they may have had one or 2 incidents of this nature. Not 15 months of it.

      No matter what mood i may be in, i never take it out on my wife or daughter because my mood is no reflection on them nor should i pass toxicity to them.

      My wife has smiles & patience for everyone but me, yet i'm the one who has given up my life to serve her & my daughter. Why would any man sign up for that?

      i wouldn't say it's about being a "little bitch" , i would say if you choose to be with someone & have a child. You should be prepared.

      Sometimes when the baby cries , she will get so angry that she says things like "i can't do this" & walks out for over an hour. She says the baby shouldn't cry, but babies cry! that's how they communicate., i'm not a patient person at all, but with my wife & daughter i find the power to exercise it. Am getting really tired of being a punching bag

    • Did you read what you you wrote? She’s clearly having a really difficult time, close to a break down. Of course she knows babies cry- everyone knows that.
      I’m saying that she’s going through an extremely hard time.

      Go to the doctor.
      Your her husband and when she needs you the most you’re considering bailing because it’s hard.

      COWBOY UP. Life’s hard. This is temporary.
      Leave her if you want but once you do something or say something it can’t be undone. You should bring that point up to her. Let her know how unloved and neglected you feel & it’s hurting you. Give up and quit if you want, it’s your life

      Do what you think is best. The way you talk about it though. You don’t sound like you’re ready to quit & if you were then you wouldn’t be here asking about it. You still love her and your little family

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