Can't take it anymore.. What can I do?

Husband promised me he would take time off work and wouldn't leave my side at the hospital when our son got here. I gave birth to him last Monday morning. My husband only stayed at the hospital for a couple of hours then left. He said he had to go to work the next day. He didn't give me a choice. He basically told me what he was doing. I was pushing all morning and I was fully exhausted. Especially having to get stitches because he ripped me pretty good. I also had to get 4 pints of blood because I lost so much. My mom who lives in FL came up to baby sit my 1 year old. My daughter didn't stay with my husband because he has no patience at all. I went home Wednesday morning. Thinking my husband is going to take off the rest of the week for the kids and me... nope. I had to do it all by myself. Since I've been in the hospital I had no sleep really. But he didn't care. Both babies would wake up in the middle of the night wanting a bottle or needed a diaper change and not once did he get up a do it. Anyways , I want a divorce and full custody of my children. I can't take it anymore. I have no help here, no family here, no nothing. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From my perspective it seems like you are assuming a lot of things. Yes it is very common to expect people to not smoke/fight in front of the kids as well as help out with the babies but unfortunately some people are not smart enough to realize these things. I would recommend to have a conversation where you address both of your needs and try to come up with a solution together.

    However, reading through the comments I noticed that you said that he threatened to kill you and or the kids and is hiding your phone so you can't leave him. This is just my opinion here but I have no respect for anyone who does things like that to the person who he is "supposed" to love. He is literally trying to trap you in a corner and using all of his power over you in order to keep you.

    I would advise you to talk to any family members/friends and find out who would be able to take care of you. Your best bet is to just get out there and run. Keep in mind that doing so is going to make your life rough for a couple of years. You'll have little to no income since you can't work since you just had a baby so you might just have to live off of welfare for a while. The road ahead of you is rough but be strong, persevere, and know that if you don't leave you are only setting up your children to live a sad and depressed life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Put together an exit plan. You have kids now. It’s not as easy as getting up and leaving. You may want to have a conversation with your husband about how unhappy you are in your marriage and with his behaviour before you speak to a lawyer. If he thinks everything is fine between you, he isn’t going to change his ways.

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    • I've talked to him about it. He came home from work screaming and yelling at me. Saying he will break my neck if I ever leave with his children. Than he took my phone and hid it from me.. so yeah

    • Call the police.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • A couple of hours is good enough, he did nothing wrong

    iruntheinternet.com/.../...umbs-up-1407541825R.gif

    Maybe he just couldn't get the time off on short notice?

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    • He has already informed his boss. But all of a sudden his boss needs him. You don't know the half of it. He doesn't help me with the kids because he works and makes the money. When he is here he drinks and smokes pot around them knowing I told him I wanted him to stop. I didn't even have any pain medication left because he took all of them.

    • C'est la vie. Well you do need the money don't you? I don''t really agree with the drinking and smoking but its his choice, didn't you know those were his habits before you got into a relationship?

      Wait what. . . . ? So what did he do with those meds?

  • Did you ever thought what is he doing to earn money? It could be that he can loose his job, if he takes any time of, it would make you very happy, why he would not mention that, because you have enough to worry about...

    Or he could have somebody as replacement for you when pregnant and he is afraid of all that hospital thing...

    Ask him there is no other way!!!

    Guessing and making irrational decisions is not the best way to be in this situation. Especially when here we see only your side of story.

    Unless divorce and suing him was your intention all along just now you trying to find excuse.

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    • I understand we need the money but when he is home he doesn't help. I had to feed both babies at the same time because he was playing video games. And in the game you can't pause it "supposedly" . Last night both kids woke up crying and he just sat there and looked at me. He claims he shouldn't have to do the house work or really take care of the children because he is the one working and he's already talking about me getting a job. His family doesn't help us at all. Only one of our cars work and I'm just tired of having no help. It's exhausting

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    • He just threatened to kill her, so I believe that the time for caution has passed.

    • If your life at stake get rid of him and forget about love or any other feelings, if he wonts to kill you!!!

  • Divorce is a big step, I would not suggest you that. Rather you can give last warning and inform you will not tolerate this any more.

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    • I feel like I gave too many

    • Then go of it, be firm in your decision. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

  • You are overreacting. It is pretty common and normal scenario. You had it hard but he is in a first place provider and needs to take care of financial things. Also newborns are very sensetive and usually males are to rough by nature (honestly I was more afraid not to break my little one for first couple of months)

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    • So it's normal that he plays video games while I'm feeding both of the children? It's normal for him to smoke and drink in front of them? It's normal for him to take all my pain medication? It's normal for us to fight and for him to scream and yell infront of our children? It's normal for him to think he doesn't have to help because he makes the money? If so, than my marriage is not worth it. My kids deserve better..

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    • Well what did you expect to hear? I'm telling you from my experience that, nothing else. I'm not there and don't know neither of you. What I know is how much stress newborns can put on couples and both are acting emotional and not really thinking clearly

    • Jesus Christ.

  • Yup you can take divorce

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What Girls Said 1

  • Have you considered separating first? Like, just totally leaving and refusing to come home?

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