What is even going on? Why do I even care this much?

What is even going on? Why do I even care this much?
My best friend (also my ex-boyfriend) who I've been so close with decided that he wanted to cut me off so that he could move on. This really hurt me because I don't want to lose him because we're so close. We've been broken up for roughly 4 years and would turn to each other for everything. Anytime something would happen he'd be the first person I would call. Things started to get weird between us, and he started to pull away. I started asking him what was going on because it wasn't like him. We got into an argument and didn't take for a couple days until we met up. We ended up having sex, which we haven't had since we separated, and I noticed he started to tear up at the end. I played it off and I was kinda mean because I told him that I didn't have feelings. I think at that moment everything about his attitude changed. He started telling me that he had feelings for someone else. Then he started talking about how he felt bad for how he treated me in our relationship and said he didn't want to put her through that. I started crying but he told me that he didn't feel like this was the end. When I asked him if he was ending this for the girl he liked he told me "I mean it fucking sucks because I want to stay friends with you, but no one will ever understand our situation. I think it’s just because we have such a connection that even other people can see when we hang out." We again stopped talking and 2 days later he messaged me what is in the picture. This was the last message he sent me a week ago and I answered and he hasn't responded. (It's been a week)

As I take this as it is, I know he's not talking to me because he clearly said he wanted to move on but it hurts that he doesn't seem to care. It hurts that he hasn't even broken "no contact." It sucks because I always thought I was over him and now I'm starting to question everything.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look mate.. the goal here is to remain friends! Well hell mate lol remain friends... there's no rule book or law that says it can't happen and shouldn't happen.

    Sure, popular opinion on planet earth is... MOVE ON, IT NEVER WORKS OUT WITH EXS, EXS CAN'T REMAIN FRIENDS. Forget all that BS. It can work, and you can make it work if you want it.

    He's ignoring you now, sure! Is he probably hurting as badly as you are trying not to break contact... of course. "You've become family", Ieave the door open to a friendship", these are words HE used... he's clear on what he wants, and you seem clear on what you want... a friendship. And a friendship that led into a relationship can easily go back to a friendship. Despite popular belief.

    Now if you want more, you're in position to make that happen also. But you can't go "playing it off and acting like you don't have feelings". This is a crucial point mate... confess your true feelings or lose he chance at reconnecting and rekindling a relationship, and prepare to accept a friendship where you may see him move on slowly beyond you with other girls more decisive on what they want.

    Good luck tho on your sitch mate

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    • Such a thoughtful response! Seriously, thank you! I wish I was able to text him and tell him how I feel but he clearly knows because he saw how upset I was when he made his decision. It's hard because he was the one who wanted space, so I want to respect his wishes. Hopefully one day he'll realized if his decision was worth it or not, and hopefully I'd be willing to let him back into my life. I'm just not sure if that's what Ill want in the future.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it has been 4 years and you apparently aren't over him, so your current tactic (staying in touch) obviously isn't working.
    The only way you will both move on is to cutt each other off.
    It doesn't mean that any of you doesn't care.

    There's a quote that reads "If you love something, set it free"

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    • That's very true. It's hard because I am over him but I think the thought of losing him is making me create feelings that aren't there. Honestly, I just really don't want to lose him as a friend. /:

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You must move on. And don't waste time on men who won't commit to you long term.

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    • Very true. Thank you for the response!

  • I had to do the same thing. If he's like me then he cared too much and was putting all his future dreams into you. He will be back when he's over you. Probably start liking you again unfortunately... and might have to do it all again. It's hard to be friends when you don't want to be, you know?

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    • Sorry... Misread some of your text. Wish i could delete my reply.

    • That's what I'm thinking. I already know he's going to come back eventually and probably fall in love with me all over again. Then he's going to keep going back and forth.

What Girls Said 2

  • Didn’t read the whole thing but it’s your ex and at some point regardless as to how close you two may be, you HAVE to cut ties eventually. You need to move on with your life and so does he and neither of y’all can do that while still dealing with eachother. Just look at how emotional you are about him wanting to move on , you still have feelings

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    • Thanks so much for the response! It means a lot! Ironically staying friends with my ex is something I'm very used too. It's not hard for me to move on while still being friends with an ex. I think that's where it is different... because some people can't do that.

  • Poor guy, i can relate. He wants you but he believes that you just want friendship.. his fear of falling for you and he's hurting or confused about his feelings.

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