Want my ex-girlfriend back, what should I do ?

Hi,

I will very appreciate your "external" independent opinion.

3 days ago my girlfriend (for 3 months) broke up with me

on Skype, while she on her 1.5 months vacation back home.

Frankly, at the day she left I could feel some "coldness" from her,

although just hour before her flight we were having passion sex.

After week at her home (and not too much communication during this time), she contacted me early in the morning

and we had a long chat (microphone didn't work)...

She told me that things happened too fast for us and she scared...

Actually may be she has a point - in 3 months we became as a 3 years couple, including occasional fighting.

We were talking about moving in together and even "dreaming" about what our kids will look like. (I am Russian, she from Philippines)

She told me at least 10 times that she still loves me, misses me, she is very sad, crying and all this stuff...

But wants to be alone...Which is totally acceptable with me...But for how long ?

I don't want to be her "back up" plan. (please see Q1 below)

I want to point out that we both loved very much each other (I almost no doubt it),

we both grown up (I am 33, she 28) and knew that we both want "serious relationship" and looking in the same direction.

We had good times and bad times (occasional fighting, mostly for nothing) and it seems those fights slowly but surely "ate" our relationship.

I know that she loved me very much and believe that she still loves me now...Of course I also love and care about her.

My question are:

1) Is she serious about this break up or just need time for herself ?

I know that her ex-bf (they were together 3 years and break 2 months before I met her) somewhere near her now and it makes me crazy...

I afraid that she will do some stupid move and we both will be sorry about it later...

2) She still wants to chat with me and to be friends.

And when I told her "I think that we already talked about everything, there is nothing to add"

she was upset that I don't want to chat with her ?

So how should I behave - should I be friendly even if it hurts me just to make her feel better ?

3) Is it any chance to get her back ? How should I act ?

Some suggest to play it "I am cool and busy without you", other suggest to be sensitive, friendly and around her when she needs it.

I really confused. In the long term I would like her back, what should I do (or not to do) ?

Any comments / suggestions are very appreciated.

Thanks,

Avi


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What Girls Said 1

  • Ok what I think you should is just give her some time and space and not talk to her for a while. Maybe a week or two. This will give you both some time to think things over and will give her some time to miss you. If she was in a relationship for 3 years and she broke up with him 2 months ago, I might be a little soon for her to get into another serious relationship. She needs time to let go of her past, and 2 months doesn't sound enough time to get over a relationship that lasted 3 years. You don't want to be her rebound or a replacement because she's used to be in a relationship. So I'd say give her time. If she wants to talk as friends and you're okay with that then you can do that. But if you're not okay with just being friends. I would tell her that you know what you want and you'll talk to her again when's figured out what she wants. Hope this helps, good luck!

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    • Thanks for your answer. It make complete sense. What I afraid that she may do some "stupid" thing (I mean sleep with her ex-bf) and only then understand she really needs me. What then ? Unfortunately it happened to me once, this girl very sorry, but nothing we can change.

      I will not be able to love her the same, although "technically" probably it is not a cheating - we were on a break (like in Friends :) )

    • Well if that what is meant to happen you can't stop it. If she would do that she's obviously very confused and she needs to work through her issues. And you deserve someone who can open up her heart to you Don't settle for less. It shouldn't be this hard and complicated, espcially in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe you should take some time for yourself as well to figure if you really want to be with someone who might still have feelings for someone else ? Hope you figure it out...

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