Guys, So, my husband is off at the guys house he promised to never go to again (he had an affair there) for the second time this month. Now what?

He gave me his word that under no circumstance would he go there again
Yet, there he is. Last time it was overnight. Looking like the same thing. I guess it's time to file for divorce? He begged me to take him back 6 months ago after his affair and I did because we had a really marriage in all corners. And we have two small children. But two weeks ago he was supposed to be there a few hours and I was supposed to come get him. He wasn't there when I arrived. I told him if he wasn't that I was leaving him. But he wasn't. I ended up picking him up the next day at a trailer park an hour North. We didn't stay separate for long. As he did the cry and beg and sorry for me to take him back. Now what?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Divorce time. Hope you got a prenup.
    If you don't leave him for good, this behavior will repeat without stopping, so the question you have to ask yourself is: does being with him make you so happy that you're willing to put up with this?
    If not, then divorce him and make sure his ass pays child support.
    Best of luck.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • I don't envy the position you are in!

    I get why you want him around because you want your children to have a sense of stability with having two parents under the same roof but he's not reliable, at all!

    This situation is rigged to blow up in both your face. I'd rather you cut ties now and explain it to your children when they are older. By then, it'll be a case of not being able to miss something they never had. Better now than later!

    I know I can't imagine what it's like for you but I'd file for divorce if I were you.

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  • The amount of love you have for him comes into play here.

    With our hearts it is never simple enough to just cut ties.
    And move on.
    It tends to leave deep scars.

    He obviously has wronged you and hurt you in the past.
    His current behavior certainly hurts also.
    But where exactly do YOU draw the line.
    Can you still sit down and talk about these things?
    Is he being honest?
    Do you still trust him?

    If your heart still desires him even in the least bit, it is a great investment to keep going in love and trying.
    Again, how much Love do you have for him.
    Is it enough?

    Guys here are going to tell you stupid things like that one revenge sex comment that will only further devstate your already emotionally tiring situation.

    The same with just ending it so abruptly.

    I'm sure it hurts.
    Disloyalty is a killer.
    Just hang on as much as you can and fight your side until you just can't anymore.

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    • My love for him is HUGE but I spent a long time being miserable because the way he treated me. Dishonest, porn addictions, alcohol abuse, talking to women online via sex apps. I don't want to walk that road again and it's going that way. Little white lies to full blown disappearing. Which is wiser? Shouldn't I self preserve? Is that selfish. I'd give anything for this to work. Anything but my dignity because I did that once and it hasn't worked

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    • Your right it is fine to have beliefs. But religion is like a penis. Ifs fine to have one, its fine to be proud of it, but dont shove it down my throat.

    • Any religion that brings on pride in self, is a nasty one.
      I agree we shouldn't beat people with Bibles or words.
      We shouldn't condemn others.
      I also believe some or so invested in the religion they follow, they are consumed by it.
      It is what they eat, sleep, live.
      So by habit, it is what comes out of their mouth.

      Much love to you guys
      Hope all is well or gets better

  • Make it clear that he is breaking a promise he made to you. Then, the decision is no longer up to you. I'd he willingly does it again, then you can remind him off this conversation.

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    • I already did that. When he goes over there he doesn't care about anything anymore. Me, our baby girls. His job, nothing.

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    • Yep, and I'm not sure where you can go, but I'm sure that situation will run its course, and during that time, try to figure out a backup plan. Your welcome will expire one way or another, so make sure you don't just fall back into his trap out of necessity.. and hope love finds a way to enter his heart and realize what he's doing to his own family.. I'm sorry you're going through this :hugs:

    • Yeah, it's awful. Ty

  • He’s a proven liar that can’t be trusted so you have a decision

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  • Yeah, I’d say cut your losses and move on. He’s not worth it. People make mistakes, but perpetually? That’s a problem you don’t deserve. Move on with your life, and if you are both still single in a couple years and he has clearly changed? Maybe give it another shot. But in the meantime breakup and move on as though that was the last break up you’ll have.

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  • I really feel sorry for your situation and reading your responses to others suggestions makes me to respect you as well...
    Well.. There are more than one issues with him... If it's only about the other relationship, you could try talking with her and seek her help to restore peace in your family...
    If it doesn't work, you deserve a better life and hence, move on...
    All the best

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  • Follow through with what we said. Leave him. Looks like he isn't going to learn his lesson any other way.

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  • Hey, maybe the threat of a divorce isn't enough to deter him. It's a 8 year marriage and breaking it would be heartbreaking. Would it be possible to file for divorce but not follow up? Or act like you're filing for divorce? But my only worry with this tactic is that if he takes it for real and runs off with whomever he is doing. I'm really sorry for the situation you're in. And I apologize to you on behalf of all men. Not all men are like this. I hope this works out for you.

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  • Do NOT let him insult you like this. He is making a joke of you because he knows. No matter what you'll be there for him.. I suggest you change that.. and perhaps try looking for someone who actually cares for you an dcpuld take care of your children as well.. because it's not only your life at stake.. there are two other innocent kids whose lives could be altered due to this guy being a jerk. Feel free to message or reply if you wish to discuss it further x.. goodluck

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  • Drop him follow through
    Pull access with the kids to prove a point
    Make him work to get access

    Its what i'd do but i'm told im an asshole a good 80% of the time

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  • Divorce

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  • Find new boyfriend

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  • Must be Chris wife

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  • Fuck me to get back at him

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  • You set up the terms on which you’d take him back...( no going back to the house) and we’ll he breached those terms. So he’s testing what he can and cannot do all over again despite what you set for terms on being together.

    I think it’s time to consider the tough option, and it will be tough but he’s making things difficult for you and showing to be untrustworthy yeah.

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