So if you realize things are not going to work out between your marriage but have kids under the age of 10 should you try to work it out for the sake of not having to bounce the kids around back and forth to share custody? Do kids adjust? Some dont? Whats your advice on this.. would you try and work it out. any experience on this
Most Helpful Guy
Growing up in a divorced family, I can tell you it definitely took a toll on me. I lived with my dad, while my mother ran off and only came to see me and my brother once every few months. This lasted from when I was 10 to about 22 or so.
While all kids "adjust" to the new family dynamics (they have no choice... they must adjust), the long-term fallout is unpredictable.
I'm 38 now, and my relationship with my parents is shaky at best. I saw my mom and dad together in the same room for the first time in 15 years at my wedding. It was awkward and I did not want either of them there. I don't have much to talk to with my dad, even though he raised me most of my childhood. The decades of anger and resentment from the divorce has created a barrier between us.
I also have a newborn daughter who just turned 1 year old. Given my childhood experiences, I neither trust my mother or father to take care of my daughter. To me, they were too irresponsible with their own children (me) and they are not trustworthy to take care of mine.
To date, I have not left my daughter to be babysat by my own mom or dad, and I never think I will trust them enough to do so... ever.
Luckily, I was level-headed enough to do well in school despite the family problems. I avoided drugs, avoided getting into trouble and ended up graduating university. Sadly, my wife is a high school teacher, so she sees a lot of unfortunate children belonging to families of divorced couples. Not all fare as well as I did.
Kids enduring a family divorce can end up screwing up their lives because of it. If your kid ends up addicted to drugs, getting in trouble with the law, getting pregnant... etc, when you think that they'er not the type to do so today... you only have to look in the mirror to see who screwed up the kid's life.1
Most Helpful Girl
As someone who has 2 miserable parents who cannot divorce due to circumstances (financial reasons, my mom is dependant on my dad), I had to endure endless fights from a young age. Seeing constant verbal abuse, screaming matches, dad threatening to walk out, mom crying I can honestly say I WISH my parents divorced and I even begged my mom at 12 to leave because I can't stand it. I never saw 2 parents in love. I just see fighting unhappiness and 2 people who clearly do not stay together. It is terrible what it does. Even now, home is a place I associate with tension and there is a heavy feeling all the time dreading another fight, another time my mom will cry her eyes out and my dad will scream and storm out. I cannot describe what it does to a child and even now the damage it has done to me as a adult. I have had to go to therapy for it and have to take anxiety medication constantly due to cope.2