Please, I need some advice..

I broke up with my ex about two months ago, she was heartbroken, I was not. Anyway, one of my ex's friends is down visiting, I met her about a week ago, and on Friday we had a party for her. So, we got a bit drunk, and decided to go to a graveyard to watch the meteor shower. it took us about 45min to walk there and the whole time me and her friend were having an awesome time. anyways, we were walking around the graveyard looking for an open spot to lay down and watch for shooting stars. the whole time me and the friend were walking talking.. etc, every now and then your hands would bump into each other.. and it would get a bit awkward.. cause like, it was kinda obvious we were 'in' to each other.. any way, I eventually reached down and grabbed her hand and to my surprise, she didn't pull away. We had to hide it from my ex, so every time she would look, we would let go, Let me be the first to say, my ex isn't over me. We ended up sleeping in the graveyard with nothing but a blanket and our clothes. Me and me ex's friend were sobering up, enough where it was impossible for the alcohol to be impairing our judgment. We were spooning beneath the blanket, with my arm over her body holding her close. (much to my disgust, my ex was pretty much spooning me.) we were all watching the meteor shower all night long, and we were wide awake for the most part. eventually me and the friend were the only ones awake, or so I though, she was looking up at the sky, it was hard do distinguish whether or not she was looking at be through the corners of her eyes. anyway, I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. She turned and looked at me. I couldn't tell what her expression was. Suddenly, I hear a voice behind me.. "Please don't, that hurts like crazy."... apparently me ex saw that kiss. and she didn't like it.

I want the friend, and I think she wants me, but she doesn't want to lose her friendship. I know that the #1 rule between girls is don't date your friends ex. So do I talk to the friend? or give her up. I don't want to give her up because honestly, I had more fun with her than ever had with my ex.

Updates:
Funny thing, her parents decided to go home early. She's gone. thanks for your help everyone. I appreciate it.
I want to tell her how I feel, but I have to do it through text.. I don't want to sound desperate or needy or.. like, sound like anything that would turn her away.. HELP!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • k well that's a hard one. you said that you brok up with your ex about 2 months ago so its fine for you to start dateing new people your only suosed to wait like a week to 2 weeks b4 you move in on another paerson so your good in that area. as for the friend its gana be hard because that is the #1 rule as you put it. your best bet is to tlk to the friend and really make shur she wantss you because if not then so be it itll help you figur things out in the long run. but any way if she does want you, have her tlk to your ex if ther as good a friends as you say they are they should be able to tlk it out. who knws maybe shell be OK with it. its gana hurt her for a wile because it is her firned that your going for after your break up but its life... if the friend dosnt want to lose your ex as a friend and she doesn't want to tlk to her right now, id say just remain friends with her and dnt try to make anything more out of it for the time being. if its ment to be you guys will get together...i dnt know if this makes any sence sry if it dosnt.

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    • But you see, I only met her a week ago, I don't know why it's going so well, she's leaving in a few days.. I want to tell her. but I don't want to scare her off by saying "Hey, remember your party? yeah, well I know it's only been a week but I really like you for some reason.. wanna try long distance?" I mean, we barley know each other.. wouldn't that like, freak her out?

    • Show All
    • Can you please try using better spelling, and stop using text shorthand? This site isn't lolcats, you're not "txtin your bff", type properly. The words you did manage to type out in full are all horribly misspelled. It makes your post extremely hard do read. Knock it off.

    • I am really sorry I was in a rush while writeing it. I did not even think about it I am extreamly sorry.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, you like who you like, honestly.

    But I think you should tell that chick that you want to be with her, and ask her how she feels.

    If she feels that she doesn't want to hurt her friend, I think you should 'back off' for a while.

    to let your ex-girl friends wounds heal.

    If you come back later,and your ex is still butthurt, then she will just have to learn life,and you go after her friend, if her friend still wants you too.

    I mean if you look at it. your ex really has nothing on you, you do what you want in the end

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What Guys Said 1

  • While a lot of the time the standard rule is that you don't date the friends of an ex, or the ex of a friend, you'd be amazed at just how few people actually follow this rule. I'm dating the best friend of my ex. My ex, started dating friends after we split up. Another ex, dated left me and dated a friend, another girl left me and I dated her friend. Yadda yadda. I think you get the picture.

    So many people don't seem to stick to that rule. Not sure the whole reasoning but if that rule is part of a code then clearly they see it as more of a guideline than a code. Maybe it's because somebody's gotta be somebody's ex after a while. Those are my best guesses. Regardless, the rules are not always strict.

    Like Tnola said, you're way past the supposed rebound waiting period so you're clear, under that respect, but if you only met her then I say that you really don't have a lot to lose by telling her how you felt. Granted you don't have to make it as awkward as you said with a blunt and frankly desperate sounding move like "Hey, remember your party? yeah, well I know it's only been a week but I really like you for some reason.. wanna try long distance?" because that will end things before they even start. No... You can probably go about this in a less blunt-like-a-sledge-hammer approach.

    You can try just talking to the girl, and telling her things like "I had a really great time that night" or something like that. From there maybe follow up with "You seem really cool." or whatever sounds more like you, and top it off by suggesting that you stay in touch somehow. Talk about maybe emails, messenger, facebook, phone, or whatever. I'll leave you two to work that out. Granted if your Ex is around she might try to shut it down before you even get that far, so if possible just try to avoid doing this without her being within direct earshot or eyesight. If this is not an option, just plow through it and do it with her around anyway.

    Remember that sure this could end with her not going for it, but frankly speaking, if she says no, you're in no worse a position than you already are. You don't have her now, and if she says no, then fine, you still don't have her, big deal. Nothing lost for your efforts. If you do get her then from there all you really need to do is whatever you were planning on doing anyway. If you end up estranging your ex Girlfriend even more, well no big deal, sounds like she gets under your skin anyway.

    So as you can see you really don't have to go at this with too complicated a plan, because it's pretty simple, and you don't have a lot to lose here. The only tricky part is in the wording, and the timing, so in that case just think about how you feel, think a little bit about what you want to say to her, and how you say it, and maybe just at some point practice it in the mirror or something, as if you were rehearsing a speech. By then you'd have said it so many times you'll have it down and you'd be able to say it really smooth.

    Sound good?

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