Any advice to get through a break up?

So basically I was single for 4 years, from 17 to 21. And I hadn't feel a deep connection with anyone until I met this guy (this year). We hit it off really well and soon we started dating. Bare in mind, he just got out of a year long relationship just before we started talking.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to get together so fast but we did anyway. And I regret it so much. We got together within 2 weeks of knowing each other, everything just happened so fast and I started falling for him within a month. Actually I did, I thought he was perfect. And he was until the last month of our relationship.

We were only together for 4 months but we talked everyday we were always together and if we weren't together we'd be calling each other.

He suddenly broke up with me out of the blue. I didn't understand because I thought we were happy. He seemed happy to me. I know I was happy. But now I see him flirting around and it really hurts me.

I know 4 months isn't long but I really did give him a big piece of my heart. I feel so stupid because I just got myself together before I met him. Now I cry every night, I just really need some solid advice right now.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 23

  • First of all, you seem like a very kind person that deeply cares for the right people. It is not your fault for falling in love, that is our human nature. Things like these happen, our love is unanswered and this hurts us deeply. It might take some time to trust and adjust to the world again but thats gonna turn out alright! You have come as far as to let you be vulnerable like that and everything up to that are great achievements. If he does not love you back he is not worth yours. You are a person worth loving back, everyone is. He lost someone who cared about him, and thats his loss. Just take your time, you will find the right person!

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    • You should avoid this things.

      Pretend you’re fine.

      Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen. The temptation may be to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of being real. You don’t have to sob at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s healthier to express yourself honestly than grow numb.

      2) Try to be “just friends.”

      Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new — and vice versa — you’re not ready to be pals.

      Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.

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    • This really helped thank you!

    • First watch video.

      i.pinimg.com/.../...-greetings-birthday-wishes.jpg

      Anytime need help. Inbox me. 😊

  • Focus on what makes you happy. Let out your frustrations when you need to. When you feel like crying, just cry. Scream when you feel like screaming. Go to the gym. Not to get in better shape, but to let out your frustrations on the equipment there while also working out. Where are you right now in your education/career? Could you improve it? How so? And if you can afford to, call a good friend or sister or cousin or your mother and say "let's get on a plane and go to 'insert place you wanna go'". If you can't afford it, go to a lake or a beach that's close to you and try a water sport. Do everything that takes your mind out of relationships and guys. Just focus on doing things you enjoy.
    I was in a relationship for 5 years. We took some time off during those 5 years and in that time away, I learned how to brew beer and realized I wanted to travel and try beers from all over the world. When I got back with her, I told her all about it. She told me about how she hated alcohol and hated people drinking, so I basically gave up. I hardly brewed beer and I only visited one brewery in that time. Since the break up 4 months ago, I've been to 5 breweries, 3 beer festivals, I have plans to go to breweries and festivals for the next month and now I'm going to Germany for Oktoberfest, something I would have never done with her. Course I was sad when it was really all over, but I didn't let it stop me. It gave me a reason to do things. You should do what you love. Develop a new hobby. Don't feel in a hurry to get back in to it.
    And if you're seeing him flirt all the time, drop all social media ties with him. Don't answer his texts, block all of his social media. When he asks why you did that, just tell him the truth. You see him flirting and you don't wanna see it. If it's at work, try to get a new job or position. If it's on college campus, take different routes to classes, and avoid his hang out spots. Regardless of how he's flirting, if you can avoid seeing it, do so. If you can't avoid being in the area he does it, literally look at the ceiling, look at the floor, look at the trees, just don't look at him. It's gonna hurt for a while and every time you look at him, the hurt is going to come back the same way it did the night he dumped you.

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  • Sounds like you were a rebound. It took him about four months move on. Don't feel stupid. You are still young and young people make mistakes. Next time you meet a guy and he's been in a recent breakup, don't get into a relationship with the guy. Be his friend and give him time heal. It seems like you were unintentionally used as a buffer to get over his ex. Just remember if you were able to pull yourself together from a previous ex, you can pull yourself together from this ex

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  • OMG this sounds so much like my own story that it scares me a little to read it memories etc.

    You know I believe in how and why and what you did with the spontaneous quickness to advance into a realationship. The issue isn't you on why or for what reason he did that. Time and time again o hear the same stories from woman I am or was talking to, problem is the damn trouser droppers (as I call them) leave a huge wreckage behind of pain and sorrow I can't clean up. In my own life last two woman nearly 16 years of my life and all the words I got from them was we missed THE HUNT.

    so really to answer you and sorry for my soapbox is keep on trying let your heart tell you what to do I know its scary but don't them them leave scars on it, don't change who you are. Wish I thought of that sooner to think I just answered my own question to.

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  • I can definitely relate to someone just cutting off suddenly when you think they're perfect and things are going well. I have no "100% -it-will-solve-your-problem" advice for you other than that these things happen. 4 months is a decent amount of time to get attached so I don't blame you. What I would do is use that frustration to make myself better. Go workout, be outgoing and put yourself out there. You will feel more confident and meet tons of people who may have the same level of chemistry or more than what you felt with him. Plenty of fish. Your one will come.

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  • I'm so sorry, either you can revert to old habits before you met him, or find new things and heal before meeting a new peoples..

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    • I'm trying to get back to my old cheery self. But it's so difficult

    • If you manage, means you're stronger than before. That's a victory on its own. Why don't you promise to reward yourself something you've really wanted but only if you get over this pain/ex... it'll help

    • That's a good idea actually I never thought about doing that

  • I understand, but don't let that break you. I had a relationship for 2 years and 2 months. I was actually preparing to give her a ring, but things happened so suddenly and she left me after so long. There's plenty of people to talk to, but you have to be careful. God has a blessing for you.

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  • Cry if you need to. Maybe pick up a new hobby or activity to distract yourself from how you're feeling.

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  • Marijuana heals all wounds

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  • You prob needed someone after your break up it takes time xx

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    • Let yourself get over the break up before u get involved again vx

  • Work on yourself be active go to the gym play sport take up a new hobby meet new friends go out be busy start a new project focus on your work and try and work untill you feel fulfilled in your self

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  • Time is the solution to ur problem. Engage urself in things u love to do. Ur hobbies. Focus more on those goodies and spend time there. U will get out of this negative feelings sooner that way

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  • You were a rebound from the breakup of his prior engagement. That's why it's never a good idea to date anyone who is recently out of a relationship and thus very vulnerable and looking for a quick fix.

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  • Get your mind busy... do things you love to do... things that makes you disconnect from the world... and get yourself out there and find another guy.

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  • I can't give you any advice as I've never had a break up

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  • move on!!! choose a guy n get over it

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  • Good meet new people.

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  • Hi,
    What was his reason for the break up?

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    • He didn't want to be in a relationship and basically said he didn't love me

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    • Yeah I probably was

    • Keep positive

  • A Girl once told me the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new

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  • No easy answer just think to your self his loss And damn what any one else says

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  • Say the truth

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  • My personal experience and opinion , start sexting random guys on internet and let yourself free.. for somedays pretend you are still in relationship with same person. Gradually move out of it until you feel you are getting out.

    Girls usually heal faster in a break up scenario don't worry it will just prick for few months then you'll be just fine.

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    • It took me 3 years to get over the previous break up tbh

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    • I don't think that would help me

    • You don't wanna get into the loop of doing same mistake again in life. I know what you are going through

      You deserve better , you are pure by heart. Don't let some random jerks messing with you.

      Your call is final. I can only guide you but choice is yours.

      It may be new n weird for you but that's normal. I know you don't like changes in life. You are gonna take time to trust people. I get it.

What Girls Said 1

  • Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe you didn’t intend to wind up in a relationship, but sometimes we have no control over what happens with our lives. When I’ve gotten my heart broken in the past, I always have the same method. I give myself one night to have a good cry. To mourn what was lost and lick my wounds. After that, I gotta move forward, and you should to. Hell, be proud of yourself. Because somehow, you were able to fall for someone again even when you thought your heart didn’t have the capacity for it. That’s amazing! This is going to hurt every day for a while, but each day it gets a bit easier! So no more beating yourself up for things you can’t change, and focus on the positives. You will get through this!

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    • Thank you so much! That really helped

    • No problem, and good luck!

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