Slept with my ex, am I a horrible person?

I dated my last girlfriend for 3 years before breaking up with her after a trip we took together. She told me and My family before our flight that she was going to move in with a guy from work. It made me furious and I told her I'd prefer if she wanted to move out that it be with me. Once we broke up she moved in with the guy and they were sleeping together and in a relationship only a week later. Now only 2 months after breaking up they are engaged.
Recently she came over just to hang out and watch a movie and we ended up having sex. First of all was she cheating on me before we broke up?
And Second, does it make me a bad person having slept with her now that she is engaged?


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What Girls Said 2

  • It doesn't make you an awesome person but I don't think it makes you horrible either. Besides, it takes two people to have sex so she's in the wrong too. Just relax

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  • Both of you are in the wrong

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    • Well I know I shouldn't have slept with her but I haven't been able to let her go fully since we broke up. I'm both angry with her and really happy that we've been able to talk more lately.

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    • Thank you! You're incredibly sweet, but also confident in being direct. Very helpful!

    • Oh thank you that's very nice of you

What Guys Said 14

  • Doesn't make you a bad person. Not your job to keep her from cheating on her guy. She was cheating on you, I don't doubt it. But You know what, who cares if she was? She's out of your life. You know what you need to do? Go get yourself checked, and once you come back clean, tell her to go fuck herself, block all forms of communication and move on with your life. Don't accept any invitation to the wedding. You don't need anything about her in your life whatsoever. Don't stick it to her, don't try to tell her she's a bad person, just get her out of your life. You don't need that shit in your life. You're way too young to have your heart tied in to a dumb broad who doesn't give a shit about you. I hate to say it, she doesn't give a shit about you, and she hasn't in a long time if she ever did, so don't talk to her. And deal with the fact that this whole thing hurts. Every time you feel like screaming and crying, grab a pillow and scream and cry in to it. Doesn't make you any less of a man to let your emotions run through you. Call your friends that you trust and tell them you're all sorts of messed up and you need to get out of the house and get your mind off of her. Start bettering your life. Are you in good shape? Get in better shape. Develop some goals. You said you wanted to move out with her eventually? Ask your friends if they wanna get an apartment with you, instead. Have a goddamn bachelor pad. Buy a kegerator and get a keg of beer and enjoy life. Go to a place where a lot of people hang out and start hitting on girls out of your league that you don't care about. Work on your ability to get a girl. If they reject you, who cares? You don't care about them anyways. Take what you learn and find the right one that puts a sparkle in your eyes.
    Dude, fuck your ex girlfriend. You don't need that shit in your young life. She did you a favor. She did that before you moved in with her, got married and had kids. She could have done that after all that, you lose the place you live and see your kids only have the time. Yeah, fuck that.
    Don't hang out with her, don't sleep with her, kick this psycho bitch whore to the curb. She's not your friend, she doesn't care about you, so fuck her. Get her out of your life.

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    • Man I appreciate the time you put into that reply! I don't know if it's fair to treat her like absolute trash... She's been in my life for a long time and we've always been really close. It's probably not the best Idea to keep hanging out with her and I get that but I really don't think I could just shut her out like that. I still want the best for her just like you would for anyone you care about on some level. I don't want her to marry this douche though. He's so controlling and mean to her and as rotten as she's been to me in the past she doesn't deserve that...

    • You're not treating her like trash if you kick her to the curb. You need to protect your feelings before hers. And why protect hers at all? She did nothing to protect yours. I understand that she was apart of your life for a very long time, but now is the time you get her out of your life. I'm telling you, I promise you, if you don't completely kick her to the curb, she's going to continue to take advantage of you and keep hurting you. You don't need to keep her in your life. You'll just keep getting hurt, and you shouldn't accept that you're going to keep getting hurt. You can tell she is clearly taken care of. She's not your problem. And she will never ever again be your problem and you'll be much happier because of that in the future if you listen to me. Don't respond to another message from her unless it's purely business. Don't text her happy birthday or Merry Christmas ever again.

    • And when her other relationship falls apart, and you know it will because woman like that don't change, she's gonna run to you, getting ready to take advantage of you again, and you know what you're going to do? When she asks "hey, can we talk?" You're going to say "no". That's the end of it. I'm telling you, this doesn't end right or fairly for you if you don't put this thing to sleep. If she stays in your life, drama will always be in your life and you'll never get the right girl. You're going to find another damaged girl that will hurt you again. Come on man. It's time to walk

  • I don't think it makes you a horrible person but that's not right since you knew she's engaged... but I think she is worse by hanging out with you 2 months after breaking up with you.

    If I have to guess, I would say yes, she cheated on you. I don't trust people who cheat... once a cheater, always a cheater.

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  • she's a mess. Good riddance to her. Was she cheating before? I dont know, you dont know, best not to dwell on it.

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    • Good advice but should I stay close with her? She has been one of my closest friends for 6+ years.

    • What is your instinct? I would advise against it on the basis of her unpredictability and how you seem to have strong emotions/understandable jealousy. If its platonic friends you want, you could try, but probably a clean break is better for your mind.

  • This is as funny as simple it is. None of you are wrong.
    All three of you are just same kind of people doing the same thing one after another.
    Calling you or anyone else bad would be possibility only when they do not accept what happened i. e. if they find it unethical.
    But given that all of you firmly believe in polygamy i dont see why i would call anyone bad.

    However , i know this answer will not be upto your taste because a part of you wants you to be right and others to be wrong. Don't overthink this, handle it casually. Its not uncommon.

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    • Do you understand the idea of polygamy or was that just the misguided spewings of a madman? Polygamy is one husband marrying many wives simultaneously. This was a girl cheating on a fiancè with an ex.
      Absurdly different. But I can see your point in that she cheated with me and has potentially don't it before.

    • When i said believe in polygamy , i meant believing in a relationship with more than partners.
      Obviously she believes in polygamy as she was in relationship with 2 men.
      His fiance believes in polygamy since he accepted her when she in relationship with you.
      You sir, believe in it because right now you're in relationship with her.

    • Polygamy is having been married to more than one person at the same time with all parties consenting to the relationship. Also polygamy is an idea not a value to hold. None of what you are saying makes any sense. And I hope you realise that. The only thing that she clearly believes in is that she can forgo previous promises of engagement and dedication to one person and sleep with another without consequence.

  • Well now that Ur the other guy, she has screwed you both. Don't feel guilty as Ur now u have been in the other guys shoes.

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  • Well, she had to have been if she was only getting engaged in two months, red flag! It means you made a mistake. It makes her a bad person for cheating on you with him and on him with you.

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    • You really think she cheated on me? She was always incredibly loyal while we were together... Even overly protective against other girls. She was furious once when I painted a nude girl in my art class.

    • dude, no one gets engaged after two months

    • Yeah, pretty fucking rotten on her part.

  • I think she was probebly cheating no it doesn't its in ower nature to have sex u wete just tempted its hard to resist

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  • Probably and not if you tell the boyfriend that she cheated.

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    • Should I really tell him? I hate the douche after asking my girlfriend at the time to move in with him. I also feel that he's part of why we broke up.

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    • Funny how nice you are and how not nice she was given the chance to hurt you. Nice guys finish last.

    • 100% agreed on that. Feels like you never get a break...

  • No. But I'd have humilated and degraded her, Cunt deserves it.

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    • She was fairly cuntish to want to move in with him then move on so soon after 3 years. Worse part is I kind of want to do it again just to hurt that dick.

  • Yes but not as bad as her.

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  • She seems like a girl with no morals. She probably cheated on you and now is cheating with you. Why would you want her back for anything but sex. She will never be trustworthy

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    • I can see that now... it's especially difficult as she is definitely one of my best friends of all time. We were close before and after being together. And on some level I guess I still miss her.

  • You're a horrible person if you let the poor guy marry her.

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    • He's a bit of an ass, really controlling and jealous of anything she says and anywhere she goes. But honestly I don't think she's been fair to anyone for a long time...

  • Not, just a dude

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  • Yes you are

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    • Not especially interested in moot comments like these. Keep em up in that big ass five head of yours.

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