I’m talking more so... verbal cheating. Finding random girls to flirt with on the internet... I should have clarified. what is the point in that?
Well, I have never done that (or cheat in general) so I can't say for certain. Why do women dress up when they go out without their husbands? I would guess its for the same reason, attention. Maybe they like to do it for an ego boost with no serious intent behind it (still disrespectful in my opinion) or it could be again, he feels like he is missing something from the relationship and this gives him the attention or ego boost he is missing, makes him feel like he is desirable when he doesn't feel that way in his relationship (could be no or not enough sex in the relationship, or he could always be the one to initiate sex which quite honestly makes the person feel like crap because it makes it seem like their partner is having sex with them just to shut them up, that its more bothersome then desire for them) or it could be, again, he is an asshole (but if this is something new then I doubt this would be the case). Do any of these sound plausible?
He did always bring up the fact that he was the one to always initiate sex. The reason I never did wasn’t because I didn’t want to, but because I felt he only showed me emotion when he wanted sex which was unfair to me... if I’m not feeling loved I’m not going to want to have sex with you.
But that's the problem isn't it? You refuse to have sex with him which makes him less affectionate, then you punish him because he isn't being affectionate so you won't have sex with him. He feels unloved without sex so he is less inclined to show you affection, but you won't give him sex until he gives you what you want. At some point either your relationship is just going to fall apart OR you are going to have to realize that you need to put him first. Yes you want affection, that's understandable but right now your using sex to punish him for not doing what you want, your not talking to him your not letting him know. So he is doing exactly what your doing and I have to ask, has it fixed anything? No. So your going to have to either go out of your way to reinitiate your relationship, to give him affection so he can give you affection or break up because that's how this is going to go down, their are no other options.
A relationship is like a house, it can be well kept and in great condition BUT only if your willing to put in the work, if your willing to do the things you don't want to do, like putting aside your desires to try and make your partner happy, it may not be what you want right now but it will result in you getting what you want in the long run. You have to give affection to get it and if your both refusing to push aside your own ego to do that then you both lose out. One of you needs to step up and actually put the other persons needs above yours so that you can reestablish a balance. Its an investment, you put in this effort and it will be returned two fold.
I never said I denied him sex though? When did I say that? I don’t deny him sex but it makes ME feel used when the only time he shows me affection is when he wants sex. How is that fair to me? A relationship takes two. If he wants sex and to feel loved 24/7 I should feel the same. Yes? A relationship shouldn’t be just what a guy wants. He gets frustrated and annoyed with me when I bring it up at a later time that I feel like the only time he flirts or wants me is when he wants something from me.
Your not initiating sex, that's the same as denying it really. Your saying that you don't want him but you are going to do so only to shut him up, only because you feel obligated to have sex with him not because you really want to. That's what that says to a man. See this is what I was talking about, ego. You can't move past this, its not your fault, fine, its all his fault now what? does that fix anything? no. Does that give you what you need? no. Does that give him what he needs? no. So what does it do other then stroke your ego and make you feel vindicated? I don't think its your fault, I think both of you are to blame, you both probably let things slide to this point unwittingly realizing the damage you where doing to the other but because of ego you don't want to be the first to just bite the bullet and try and give the person what they want. I mean honestly do you think he gives a shit about the sex? He can jerk off.
When a woman wants sex with you you feel like you matter as a man (probably because in all other aspects of the relationship he has to chase you, he has to ask you out, he has to plan dates, has to pay, he has to pay the bills he has to work hard to ensure you have what you need etc.). You say it should go both ways, but again your ego is preventing you from realizing that you are as much to blame as he is. If you are not initiating, if your not flirting with him why should he flirt with you? Why should he feel the need to go out of his way? That's your own reasoning, he isn't doing it so your not going to. Okay, your not doing it so he isn't going to, now what? Is the problem solved? No. So if your ego matters more then your relationship, fine. Break up with him. Because that's your only option, either realize that you both need to work at this which means you know, both of you (which also means you personally) or you need to break up because neither of you are interested in
saving your relationship. Its that simple. You want him to give in and do what you want him to do first so you can feel vindicated I understand that, its not an unusual feeling or response. Hows it been working thus far though? Your here arguing with me how its not your fault and he should be the one to change and you shouldn't have to give anything until he does it first while he is mentally checked out your relationship and flirting with other women in order to feel wanted and loved. IS that what you want? I mean if it is then keep doing what your doing but clearly he has made his complaints clear to you and you are unwilling to compromise and thus have no right to demand that he should. One of you has to step up and start loving the other, he has probably tried in his own way i. e. initiating sex, hoping that maybe you are more invested or you get more affectionate afterwards or during (because this is how men operate) and you want to act distant in some vain hope that he figures
out what you want from him and isn't so pissed off that you are not giving him what he needs that he takes the same vindictive attitude that you have thus resulting in none the issues being resolved. Again, if you don't want this relationship to work by all means continue doing what your doing, its already putting a lot of strain on your relationship it will eventually break. BUT if you actually care about it, your going to have to be the bigger person bite the bullet and try and start doing for him what you want him to do for you. You have to give love to receive love. As for you talking to him about it, I'm going to guess it was less talking and more about how he isn't doing what he needs to I. e. more accusing, more angry which of course is not something that endears him to you. When was the last time you whent out together? Has it been awhile, if so plan a date, make it special for him, when you go the restraint or what have you make it a point to sit close to him, let him know
that you love him, be affectionate (fake it if you have to). have fun be interested in what he has to say (again, fake it if you have to), go home and initiate sex, enjoy it (again, fake it if you have to) then be affectionate afterwards. Next morning be affectionate, cuddle what have you. I can all but guarantee he will be more affectionate back. Think of it this way, why do people love dogs? Because they are always happy to see you, they always want to give you their love, that's what makes them irresistible, that's why we love them. This is no different, you give love, he gives it back, that in turn makes you want to give love back to him which makes him want to give it back. Its a self feeding cycle but when you let that cycle stop (life gets in the way, its understandable) one of you needs to step up and start the cycle again.
But don’t guys realize that the “honeymoon” phase of things ALWAYS goes away? Why keep starting over? Why would they want that?
It's jut nature. Honeymoon will pass, then they'll find a new one. And another one. And so on until they aren't wanted anymore
Why do you think?
Losing interest , wanting his cake and eating it too
I could never cheat on another person who I truly cared about... I will leave before that happens. I couldn’t live with the guilt.
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
I don’t believe it’s “nothing” something has to provoke a guy to cheat. Not all guys cheat...
Yeah sure it’s depends on the guy if he rude he will cheat