Confession: I hate you for breaking me and I hate myself for letting you... why did you? Is this all worth it?

I tried to keep my distance. I tried to keep to just sex, but no. That wasn't good enough for you. You saw my guard around my heart was sky high and you just had to be the one to break through. Did you ever think that I was guarded for a reason? That maybe I had experienced hell and somehow found the strength to get through and I was guarded to stop that from happening again?

Why would you pretend to want more? Why? Seriously ask yourself, why? Why me? You could've had anyone. But it was me. I avoided this for 22 years but you played your game so well that I believed you. God, did I believe you.

Here I am. Broken more than I ever thought possible. What's worse? I still fucking want you.
How could I want someone who makes me feel like nothing? This girl I have built my entire life to be strong, to avoid this type of hurt, to confront those who hurt me, you took her from me... I can't be mad though. I LET you do it. I am still letting you do it. And true to nature you do.

Do you feel better? Is your ego fed? Is treating me like I am nothing somehow helping you? I hope so. If not then this pain is all for nothing. I blame you for what you've done, nothing more. I never asked you to do what you did or push you for anything. I only ever expected what YOU said you could give. Nothing more, nothing less.

How dare you break someone who has seen the darkness you hide behind. I know you. I know how your story ends. You don't. I've seen it. I've lived it. History repeats itself. You are allowing your past to repeat. I wish you knew that.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Why on earth did you think a friends with benefits relationship would not eventually end in you being hurt?

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    • I didn't. I wanted just sex because I know how this goes. This guys pretended for months to want more (to the point of making us official) and I swallowed my fears and let him in. The moment I did, the moment I gave in he treated me like I was nothing (aka dumped me 4 days later). Even my friends who didn't like him never doubted he cared for me. Thats how convincing he was. As a person who has refused to fall for anyone and FINALLY did, only to realize it was all a game. Guys always want me, the mysterious girl. But they want what the ego boost from that, not thinking that I am the way I am for a reason.

  • Did you get played by any chance?

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    • Like a fucking fiddle.

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    • It doesn't matter what I do. You can't get even with someone who is willing to break someone who would stand by them and not judge them for their demons. They are lost in themselves with no compassion or empathy to realize the true damage they cause.

  • How long were you with him?

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    • Too long. Doesn't matter. I was real about everything, he was fake. He is still fake, and I am still real.

What Girls Said 1

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