How do you learn to trust an ex boyfriend you just got back?

I just got my ex boyfriend back. I didn’t try to get him back at all. I simply ignored him and he called me begging me to let him make it work. I don’t know how to deal with this. I love him very much but I can’t seem to get away from the fact that he dropped our relationship like it was nothing. It has me wary of trying anything with him because I’m afraid he will just flake again. He told me he broke up with me because he lost interest and wanted to date other women. I feel really insecure about our relationship. I just want to know how do I learn to trust like I did before?


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What Guys Said 4

  • If you don't fully trust him, you shouldn't have gotten back with him. Don't get with someone that you already have a tough time trusting. He's going to hurt you again. Usually, I say just dump him and move on, but if you want to give this a shot, tell him he has to earn your trust before you're fully committed. It's up to you to decide whether or not he has done that yet, but make him work for your trust. Tell him it doesn't mean getting you gifts or taking you places. It means that he needs to be show that he is committed to only you, and let him know that it might take a long time before you're able to commit again after what he's done to you. Until he has earned your trust, don't sleep with him, don't go to his family's Thanksgiving or Christmas, tell him not to get a anything big for Christmas, only buy him a card for Christmas and don't at all tell him you love him unless he asks you if you do love him. You said you do still love him so don't lie, but don't bring it up unless he asks. And if he does, you say "yes, I love you, I never stopped, but you hurt me and you need to earn my trust."
    And don't be afraid to have one foot out the door. If he doesn't seem like he's going to give a good vibe, tell him it's time to give up. At which point, you two are done with each other for good. You're too young to get wrapped up in relationship drama like this.

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    • So I did tell him that he would need to earn my trust back. He apologizes a lot and now that you’ve given me some clear steps I know how to handle it. He is my best friend and I couldn’t just let that go. Plus I think that I can learn how to trust him.

    • Good, but also a billion "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to" shouldn't work for you. Ask him if he's still talking to another girl. Why not ask him what happened right before he realized that he wanted to get back together with you? Usually in these situations, they always had something not work out so well and knew you were someone to fall back on. Basically, make sure you aren't the backup plan. And I'm sure he's very important to you and you don't wanna just let him go, like you said, your best friend. But, if that has to change, then it has to change. I can tell you from experience, if you latch on to someone because they are supposed to be your best friend, this will turn in to a never ending cycle of wanting to try seeing new people, to that not working out, to him falling in love all over again, to him losing interest, to him wanting to see new people. Make sure you aren't being used.

    • Yes he said that he just realized that I was the best thing for him. And that he wanted to work with me. He was talking to one girl but she ignored him. He seemed to only talk to her as a friend though. When I asked him why he just decided all of a sudden he wanted me back he said that he missed me and just REALLY wanted to show me that he could fix the relationship. He doesn’t text me often, we use to text each other gm everyday he doesn’t do that yet. I’m just looking at every little thing. I’m not putting my all in this !

  • Fool me once, shame on you.
    Fool me twice, shame on me.

    Do you know what that means?
    Just don't go back. He had his chance but the wasted it in the worst way possible. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him and others, who are inconsistent.

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    • Why do you have a picture of elliot rodger? lol

    • Show All
    • Elliot did nothing wrong, if I was a trap I'd be your girlfriend bro

    • My ex was 21 and virgin , I was his first girlfriend and I took his virginity

  • Don't be with someone that lost interest of you, unless he begged because he misses few things about you. In addition, usually relationships that fall into that category, end up the same reason/feeling. Put your position as what more if your married with the guy? Trust takes everyday to change, not just one day. Take this as a consideration on what's best for you, not him. Be happy with someone that appreciates you for you and would be proud to have you everyday of his life.

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  • you don't

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What Girls Said 17

  • You won't.

    It will always be there in the back of your mind, as they tiny voice of doubt.

    But if you really want to give it a go then let him try.

    Set up a boundary line for yourself. "If he does ######### then it's over. If he doesn't do ########### I'm out." And stick to it. No fudging the line. No second second chances.

    Don't let yourself get set up for a life time of forgiving this behavior or that.

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  • Well i personally think you getting back with him "is at your own risk" fair enough from the first time he hurt you because you didn't know that was going to happen.. but you know his character now and him loosing interest to date other women could happen again.

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  • Sometimes people aren’t deserving of our time or trust anymore. If you have serious misgivings, you have them for a reason. People change only very rarely. You should probably ask yourself if you really want to be with him if it’s this difficult for you to trust him now.

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    • Yea I think I wouldn’t have so much trouble if he wasn’t such a distant guy, he takes a long time to spit out his emotions. And that irritates me because I never know when he’s going to spew something out crazy. I wanted to give him another chance because I love him and I know that he treated me with the utmost respect. Just a little hard to trust

    • Those same issues are still going to come up. Be prepared for that.

  • An ex is an EX for a reason. Drop him and move on. It's been expired. You learn from your mistakes and tell him to beat it.

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  • don't.
    he left to date others.
    he didn't manage it.
    he came back to you.

    if you feel insecure in a relationship it means that relationship is a downhill already. quit before you get hurt - again

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  • If you guys broke up because he lost interest there is no way you can trust him. Forever you're going to worry if he's going to lose interest again. It's not worth it.

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  • Girl I'm sorry but if he lost interest the first time then it will most likely happen again 😞 he doesn't love you

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  • Its honestly going to be very hard. First thing is that communication is key. Talk to him about how you feel. But honestly, if it isn't the same as before and things dont improve, i wouldn't go for it anymore. Some things change and people change. Its sad and you might not want that to happen, but remember its for the better. Everything happens for a reason.

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  • It usually doesn't work out.

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  • Girl no! U dont love him. U dont need him, he is not for u. You will be much better with out him. No men can left u because he lost interest and after want u back. No give him a wave of ur middle finger in his face as queen bee and be happy without him

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  • If you wasn't precious enough at first and he lost interest in you, that won't change in the future. You cannot trust in him at all..
    I think no women wanted him so that was why he went back to you...

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  • I would never be back with my X

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  • I never go back

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  • How do u know he's not going to do it again how long were u together when this happened

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  • In my experience, you just can't, you are just wasting your time

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  • I seriously do not understand why people get back with exes. He was an ex for a reason.

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  • If he broke up with you because he lost interest and wanted to date other women, you have to be prepared for it to happen again. He sounds like he has commitment issues. Those are deep seated issues he has to work through before he is fully capable of being in a committed relationship. Has much time passed since he lost interest? People don’t overcome those issues overnight.

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