How do you get over someone who cheated on you?

My ex was literally my best friend we did absolutely everything together and he brought me out of so much darkness and layers of shyness and i was able to talk to people and be able to laugh and have fun because he was there and i knew he loved me. He loved me the way i was and he did not care about how i looked or anything and i felt i had confidence with him and that I could be able to be myself and be weird and goofy because he did not judge me and he was the only one that i cared about and i felt like i was actually someone in this world. He was my lifesaver and I and i basically came out of my shell. We ended up breaking up cause he started dating an older woman with kids and got her pregnant it just crushed me. I just stopped talking to people and just sort of went back into my shell and stayed in my room because my rock was gone and i felt that i didn't have anything left to come out for. My parents were worried about me because they mostly saw the change in my behavior and thought that i was going to kill myself or something. I am slowly trying to get over him and now that I know they are having a kid and getting married and that there is nothing i can say or do to get him back because he obviously does not love me anymore it is kind of easier to move on because i am not as attached to him but it still does hurt a lot because i gave my all to him and he is going to do this to me and not care about it. I mean he can blame this on me all he wants but it is not going to change the fact that he basically cheated on me. I am trying to move on but it is so damn hard and i can't stop thinking about him especially when i am drunk it gets awful and i want to tell him how i feel but i can't. How do you get over a breakup? This is my first relationship


Most Helpful Guy

  • For me, it was a few things that really helped in my case.

    A. we had only dated at most for a month or two when she “ghosted.”

    B. I found out from some friends that she had been cheating on me since pretty much the beginning.

    C. We MAYBE had a few months of dating, at most; more like two or three total. I hadn’t fallen that hard yet.

    D. I was still in college, and had a demanding schedule. I couldn’t really afford to pine after her, even if I was the type to fall hard that quickly.

    E. If a woman cheats, and I find out, I’m done. I am out. I had written a break up note, so I guess I saw that as a conclusion to the relationship before the official break up call.

    I guess I probably lucked out in that I had a bunch of things that made the break up pretty easy to handle.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There is one very apparent issue here. The fact that you needed him to "make you a better person". This is extremely unhealthy. Just reading the first bit of your question already shows me you relied way way too much on him to make you feel good or better about yourself. You "needed" him to cope and to feel OK. You should never ever NEED someone to feel or be OK with yourself. I feel like this relationship should actually be something you should learn something out of - which is that you should never rely on someone else to make you happy. You made him your everything and when he left - you felt like you had nothing which is why you are struggling. I am completely speaking as someone who went through the exact same thing in my last relationship where my ex was my all and everything. Only afterwards did I realize how toxic and unhealthy it is to invest your all into someone.

    You said yourself this is your first breakup so yes, it will hurt and yes it will take LOTS of time. Especially in your case where your life was all about him and how good he made you feel. You have more than 1 problem at hand which is why this is worse for you.

    My suggesstion is to really start focusing on yourself and building yourself up and having way more confidence and self love. Prepare yourself to become the best version of yourself. Every day do something for yourself and to help you grow or enrich your life in some way and learn the art of self love and self appreciation. Use this time as a single person to work on yourself. Also STOP snooping if you are currently doing this with him!!! No social media stalking, no talking to him and no giving him any power or time. You will never heal if you do not decide to put him completely 100% behind you and this includes removing triggers x

    • I agree 100%. In the first sentence, she says: "My ex was literally my best friend we did absolutely everything together..." But everything she wrote after that sounds like he wasn't really her "best friend," as much as he was her "first friend." (And a fake friend.)

      OP, I think you had horrible rotten luck making friends and feeling accepted as a kid and then your luck got even worse when the first person to be really nice to you was just a high-functioning sociopath being sick and manipulative.

      And it's horrific that someone with a good, awesome, honest heart that wants to love and be loved is living in this world and you've only ever been victimized for it. When what you wanted was so good, and you wanted it with all your heart, to be betrayed is so disgusting. I know it very well.

      You know what though? I've learned that all the hurt people in the world are a kind of second family. Find someone who knows that pain and fear and bitterness you feel. Help others to heal yourself.

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What Guys Said 5

  • He's going to pay the price, and you'll be more than satisfied, but it might take ten or twenty years or more.

    Watch, what he did to you, now somebody will do that to his son.

    Maybe his new wife will get pregnant again, and not by him.

    You never know, but trust me, the universe always bends towards justice, just never as soon and as obvious as you want it.

  • Try to find something to occupy your time. Pick up something you use to enjoy. Find a new hobby. Go out with friends. Talk with a therapist? Start with something and work from there.

  • Distract yourself. Watch movies, listen to music, go out with friends, try new things, pick up a hobby, etc.

  • By cheating on him

  • It will take time. Time is the only way. There r no short cuts


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