I honestly just need advice and I don't know where else to go?

okay so i had my first boyfriend this year. we talked from may to June, then he asked me out and we dated for awhile, he broke up with me in September. it was great for the most part. we got along, we had so much in common, everything about it felt right, but in the last week or so of the relationship, i could feel him pushing me away and ignoring me. (obviously) we had always had some problems with communication, we would have problems but not tell each other about it for a while but i had started to get better at it. i would come to him and say "hey this is bothering me, let's talk about it" and we would and it'd be fine. he wouldn't tho, he kept to himself which led to him not talking to me about how he didn't like how he didn't feel that i was completely myself around him and this led to him dumping me. that's the basic overview of the relationship. the breakup went probably as well as a breakup can go, he was extremely sweet and kind throughout the whole thing and it was really hurting him too, he just didn't feel the same way anymore and he didn't want that to continue because it would hurt me. so i'm asking for advice on that and just help getting over him in general because i loved him, he didn't love me and i know that for a fact. so that's hard enough, right? well then today i found out he likes the girl he was "almost dating" before he dated me. they were almost a thing but she got back with her ex before they actually did. she hurt him really bad and i thought he didn't like her at all anymore, he talked about hating her to me when we were dating. i guess his feelings never faded and im wondering if he still had feelings for her when we were together. this is just really hard for me to deal with bc i've always compared myself to her anyway and now he likes her again and its like a shot to the heart. it hurts a lot. also i'm depressed af and a lot of other stuff is going on in my life so this isn't helping at all. any help would be appreciated.

Updates:
alright i know i'm 15 but it still hurts like hell... i know he's not the last guy i'll date but it's still hard. i know it takes time. i was just hoping for some guidance and some help coping with the situation.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Just distract yourself. Watch movies, tv, listen to music, go out with friends, learn something new, pick up a hobby, cook, clean, etc. First breakups are always rough.

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    • i've tried, i just seem to keep falling deeper into my depression and everytime i think i start feeling better something like this happens that throws me back. nothing seems to be working anymore:/

    • Well it takes time.

  • Your still young the first always hurts the most just accept the reality of the situation and move on there ain't much else you can do

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  • You are 15, it's not the end of the world, there are more important things to focus on, like your education, he won't be the 1st nor the last guy you date, so just don't waste time on people who don't deserve it

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What Girls Said 1

  • When you spoke to him about your issues with him or a situation how did you word it exactly? Was it like "You haven't been putting in a lot of effort into me" (as an example) OR "I feel like we are growing distant and the relationship isn't as strong as it use to be" ... Do you see the difference? If you worded it like the 1st one he will feel on the defensive side, wanting to protect his ego and his esteem so what would he do? Push you away, stop listening or argue with you. Being upfront about your problems is fine but it does scare people when you say there's an issue... scares everyone thinking they hurt someone! But just pointing that out since communication issues are a secondary concern. Perhaps this was the reason why he did break up with you but if you have courage you can ask him. Also perhaps in your next relationship or if you want to get back together you can work on this; your only 15 so its fine!

    About the split with him... if you do like him a lot I suggest you keep your distance from him as hard as it sounds. Work on yourself and build yourself up to be a beautiful, funny and enjoyable girl 😊 there's no better investment in a relationship like yourself

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    • when i spoke to him i definitely talked more like the second one and i was very much the opposite of defensive. i almost put more of the blame on me because i was so scared of making him feel bad and stuff. he agreed about the communication tho and said he wanted to fix it too. we had a whole conversation about this 2 days before he broke up with me. he said we could fix it... then dumped me 2 days later. ouch. anyway, thank you so much for this response! i do need to work on myself... a lot... and i forget that a lot. and you're right, i'm only 15! it just seems like everything is crashing down around me rn but ik i have my whole life ahead of me. i don't think i'm gonna talk to him about it because he's completely moved on and i don't wanna bother him. it'd be nice to have some more closure but i feel that asking him wouldn't do much. but again, thank you for your response :))

    • If you have insecurities about yourself or/and the relationship your partner can detect it, its very easy! If your insecure then they will be scared and walk off.

      If your facing insecurities its best to work on yourself; learn to love yourself because how can you love your partner when you can't love yourself?

      Just some thought right there but best of luck! 😊

    • thank you so much! 😊 i hope i can get to that point soon:)

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