Ex married someone else whilst we were in a relationship, says he's really confused and lied because he wanted to protect me?

Hi, my ex (first love) and I dated between 2003-2007 but the relationship ended due to immaturity and lack of time on his part. He was 29, I was 26 at the time.

Fast forward to 2014, we reconnected by phone after bumping into each other in a supermarket several months before. We both came out a relationship not far apart and we started seeing each other once a week to start with , I'd not long moved into my new flat and he was living at his place until Jan 15, he said he was moving back with his parents.

In March this year my brother went to a work reunion and found out my ex got married last October, we were at the cinema that evening and I remember when I was walking back to my car, he said we are more like best friends aren't we?

A week or so later my brothers financee found wedding pics on his wife's Facebook page, I didn't see them but this confirmed his deceit and lies. I invited him over to mine, asked him if he was married, I said who's Debbie, he says she's an ex.

Finally he confessed over the phone. He cried and said I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, I hung up. I was devastated and hurt.

He says he feels empty, still loves and misses me. He said he is still confused and everything happened very quickly with his wife. I'm angry that he hid this from me and lied to me for two years, I feel really sick and frustrated with the situation.

The wife doesn't know about me and I can't say anything as things could turn really nasty... He tries to call me and left roses on my doorstep a few weeks ago.

I rang him last night and told him I don't want to speak to him anymore, it's too painful for me and he said can we speak at Christmas and I said No.

It hurt me when he was speaking about his wife that she's been verbally abusive towards him lately, telling him to fuck off on a lot of occasions and her sister and husband don't like him... I didn't want to hear this at all... I loved him with all my heart.

Any advice would be helpful?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I feel bad for you. I've seen several instances of a guy contacting an ex when he has problems with his current relationship, which usually is not fair to the ex, and it wasn't in your case, but especially him lying to you.

    You did the right thing in telling him not to contact you.

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    • As hard as it is there is someone else out there who will treat me better... Nobody deserves to be lied to and cheated on... The last few years I've had a medical condition and caring for my mum who has stage 6 dementia. It's beyond cruel what he's done

    • Fully wash your hands of this situation if you haven't done so already and get it out of your mind (get therapy if necessary). Then you can think about dating again. I wish you the best...

    • I started seeing a counsellor in April and slowly felt more positive about my future. Time is a healer and I have support from friends and family. Thank you for your kind messages

  • Tell the wife. The dude is a massive dumbass, honestly... the wife probably either knows or suspects, hence why she's abusing him.

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    • I agree... You lash out for a reason. I am sure she has her suspicions. I want her to know what a lying cheater he is. I'm not protecting him but he knows where I live

What Girls Said 1

  • Good on you! Keep him out of your life. You deserve WAY better than a lying cheater!

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    • I do deserve better, I know I will meet someone soon but need to heal my heart first...

    • You'll definitely get there. The road is uphill at first but it gets better :)

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