Why can't my ex just say "hi?"

I bumped into my ex today at a cafe. We've been broken up for about 3 months and he did the breaking up. When he dumped me I told him the ball was in his court for future contact. This was meant to protect myself from "putting myself out there" with him. Why does he STILL act like I don't exist? He walked right past me without even a glance. Would a quick nod or hello really kill him? I'm not looking for a huge fake friendly conversation but at what point should common courtesy kick in?


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  • Guys deal with breakups way differently than we do. To us it looks like they are unfazed, but I think they're mainly just throwing themselves into their own lives so they don't have to think about the relationship, or that they hurt us, or that they were hurt.

    We give them the ball in terms of further contact after a relationship because, I think, more often than not (especially when you are the one dumped), we still cling to the comfort of the relationship and when we are hurting, we want comfort the most - and they are who we most often turned to for comfort.

    He may not be ready to say hi. He may be afraid that you'll interpret a gesture of kindness as more than it is. Which, subconsciously, is why you are analyzing his action (or inaction). If you were truly over the relationship, you may question his impoliteness, or even laugh to your friends about how unnecessarily awkward he was making things, but then you'd forget about the interaction and move on. You'd say, whatever, and forget it and continue about your day without another thought.

    Which is fine if you aren't 100% over him. That takes time, and it also takes a healthy dose of distance. The only way to really have any sort of post-relationship relationship, is for both parties to be wholly over the emotional ties of the relationship itself.

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