My ex boyfriend says he's suicidal and depressed after 5 months of us being broken up. What do I do?

I met this guy online, I know, bad move, but after a few months of talking, him opening up to me and me comforting him, we decided to date. This was a bad idea.
He claimed to be, "reserved", (which deserves to have some quotation marks), and thought I should be the same since I was his "perfect girl" and "he never had a connection like this before". I altered the way I dressed and limited myself to talking with my friends, since I thought it was easier. If I didn't, it was mainly a mess, him having anxiety attacks, sending me videos, calling me disgusting, things like that.

Then a whole heap of other topics arrived and the similar thing happened, when I disagreed, he'd have a scene, I'd agree and we'd pretend we're okay. After 6 months of this, I was feeling empty, sad and angry. I decided to break up, saying how I was just causing more anxiety for him because of my views, and that I didn't think we were quite right for each other because of our different views, plus with the long distance thing.

Throughout this, I had not told a soul about any of it. He has his parents, brother, friends and therapist in America who know about our relationship, so I figured he could seek out one of them, talk, and eventually get over it. This did not happen. After about a month of trying to convince him, he wouldn't agree to the breakup and I sent him a paragraph, wishing him well and re explaining myself, reaffirmed that he could always talk to his parents, therapist etc. and blocked him on everything. Throughout the past months, I've receive do countless of messages saying he's going to kill himself and that he's doing bad things to himself, I do my best to ignore them and have ignored all of them.

I've also alerted his brothers and friends of his bad mindspace. Is there anything else I can do? Am I a bad person for breaking up? Has anyone gone through a similar thing?

thank you.


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What Guys Said 6

  • What you did is exactly what you should have done. You recognized his eccentricities and tried to accommodate him. When that didn't work, you made yourself the highest priority and made a good decision for yourself. You have alerted his brothers and friends about his suicidal threats.

    You cannot know how serious his threats are and you must take them seriously. Has he found another way to contact you since you blocked him? If so, you should contact his parents. If you feel that you cannot do that, you should discuss this with your parents and ask for their assistance.

    Ultimately, you cannot help him and you cannot pull him up. However, if you had not blocked him he would be pulling you down.

    Remember that he had these problems for you met him and none of this is your fault.

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  • You are not a bad person and it seems like he's been saying this to try and manipulate you. I'm so happy you didn't give into it, a strength you don't often see. You've gone above and beyond in what you can do so you should feel proud. You're a good person and deserve someone better. I wish you the best of luck and hope I helped!

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  • Leave him alone. He is doing this to get your attention.

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  • Make a psych professional or his family aware if he's having suicidal thoughts

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  • You've done everything you should do and you are not a bad person for breaking up

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  • Did you do sexual stuff?

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What Girls Said 2

  • You have done great and handled it well for being a kid. I had a similar problem with someone who was my friend and had very strong, very unhealthy feelings for me. Basically she told our entire camp cabin that the only reason she was still alive was because I saved her from her depression, this was right after I started to have my own emotional breakdowns about her. The emotional baggage was toxic for me, and she pushed a lot of my boundaries until I started having nightmares about her. I had to stop being her friend and I had really bad guilt about letting her be alone because I felt so responsible for her pain by abandoning her. One day she told me she might not be around much longer if I’m not with her.

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    • But I couldn’t. I blocked her on everything and got myself help. She is alive and stoped coming around. You cannot let yourself feel responsible for his issues. He needs to admit he needs help and he needs to go get it. You have done everything you could but he has a lot of issues that are not for you to solve.

  • Keep him blocked on everything, and if he pops up again, repeat the block. People like this are controlling, and use means of harming themselves to manipulate others, usually their spouse. If he were really going to kill himself, he would’ve already. This is to garner your sympathy and coax you back into the relationship, which is absolutely sick. Please keep your distance.

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