hey guys, my boyfriend broke up with his ex four years ago, they where together for over a year, but she left him one day with no reason and no explanations and left back to Russia... now we have been dating for 9 months, our relationship is awesome, we communicate a lot, I really love him he is always telling me how much he loves me. But one day he told me she "contacted" him and that she was coming to visit USA, he told her he doesn't want to see her, and they didn't see each other. I got really upset when he told me she was talking to him, and told him I was going to tell her to leave him alone, he got more upset than me and told me to not get into 'his' business... he told me he forgot about her, but I know he keeps talking to her like "friends" because his cousin which is my friend told me. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?! he has no idea I know they keep in touch, even though he told me once they talk by e-mail, like friends...
please guys help me, I don't know what to d, I want to talk to him about this situation, he has been honest with me, but he gets really upset when somebody mentions that he keep loving her... you guys that might have been in this situation please help me. I will appreciate any help!
Most Helpful Girl
Okay, I've been in this position a few times before and here's the reality: you are a jealous person. He isn't doing anything wrong. We all have exs and we all think about them sometimes. Sometimes I still cry about a couple of my great ex. But I DO NOT want to get back with them. And like your boyfriend, I DO NOT want to see them in person intentionally. It's over between them, he understands that. By asking him to have NO feelings for her whatsoever, however, you are coming across as psycho and problematic. I'm sure a little jealousy is actually flattering, but you're doing the "psycho girlfriend thing" - you are accusing him of wanting to be with her more than you, and are asking him to either a) validate your suspicion or b) PROVE you're entirely wrong. Whatever you are asking of him, it's unreasonable. And I suspect this isn't your first battle with jealousy. Examine your past relationships and ask yourself how much your jealousy issue has impacted your relationships in the past. What you need to do is bite the bullet, start focusing on achieving your life aspirations, recognize that there are 3.5 billion other guys out there, and that if this one doesn't pan out - oh well. But don't ruin it. If the relationship isn't going to work, it will dissolve naturally. If he has issues with his ex or other women, it will be objectively apparent. My advice: don't mention his ex again. Remind yourself you don't need anyone. Take a step back and realize you have a lot left to do in this life; he is not your life. Even if you were married to him, he is not your life. Be understanding that everyone has battle wounds they deal with internally, including you. Let him progress at the pace he is capable of, and allow him to show you affection. If he can trust that you are patient with him, then he will work with you.1