International heartbreak. Forgive her and keep trying? Or simply give up?

I have just been living in Germany for over a year with my girlfriend (She's German) and we have just recently broken up. I have given up my life in Australia to go and be with her. We had been together over 2 1/2 years and had everything planned for our tour of Australia and our Universities in Germany. (I taught myself German so I could communicate with her family and be able to study).

She had made a new male friend at work and not wanting to be over protective, I didn't say anything against it.

I found her one night at this other guys place when she told me she was at work and wouldn't answer her phone. I found out from questioning them that she had been having an affair with him and had slept with him twice.

I left Germany a few days later and returned back to Australia (my home country). We are now separated but she is still coming over in December. Our plane tickets were booked. She tells me that it was all her fault and the reason that it happened was that over the time I was there she was slowly falling out of love with me and that us being/living together 24 hours a day became really hard on her. She basically had no alone time. She regrets completely what she did but she can't tell me if she wants to be together again, its only been just over a week so I guess that it is too soon for her to be able to tell. She doesn't want a relationship with this other guy and can't really tell me why she did it.

I know it sounds stupid, but I am still in love with her, and are considering being with her together if we can patch things up in the times before and after she comes to Australia. Her family adores me and have accepted me into the family like a son in law. (I was actually planning on getting engagement rings in January)They all can't believe she would do such a thing and all say that she may have let the best thing that happened in her life go back to Australia. The other guy is a no hoper that smokes and does/has done and deals in drugs. He has basically no future.

Should I wait for her and see her response? We still talk basically everyday because our emotional connection is still there, it always has been. The thing that just wasn't there was our sex life, which I think attributed to why she did what she did.

I honestly don't want to move on because I love her, I feel no anger towards her for what she did, merely disappointment. The other guy is an asshole though. Don't like him. Understandable though.

Do I wait and see if we can work things out? Is it possible that seeing that I am not there anymore that she will realize how big of a mistake it was and want me back? Do I try to move on and find another girl to be with? (I could find one but I don't think I would be happy) Should I get her to make all the effort for us to be back together?

Not an easy question. Before I was always, any cheating, its over, no exceptions. Now that it has happened, I feel I can't accept that. Any help would be appreciated. This is thank you in advance


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Most Helpful Girl

  • A separation is the best solution right now so both of you can clear your minds. I would recommend that you take the time to seriously reflect about this relationship and the potential future. If you are contemplating marriage and she cannot handle living together then how will this impact that? Is she truly remorseful for her mistakes, take she take ownership and will they be repeated? Can you honestly look into your heart, forgive her and make a life with her? Is she mature and emotionally ready for a lifetime commitment?

    I think these are very important issues to ponder. The hardest thing to do is listen to your heart instead of your head. Once you have answered these questions then you need to have a very serious convo with her. You both need to determine if being together forever is a unified goal. If it is then make a pact to make it work and stick with it. Leave the past in the past and start anew. Just remember, both of you have to want this and you both must collaboratively get back on track, it cannot rest with one person.

    You have a lot to consider but this has to be your decision alone. No one can make the choice for you. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • hi there just read your story I'm sorry about your hurt I think every 1 has been there well I cought 1 thing you said straight off apart from her cheating you want to know is why she was cheating when a woman is happy she will never look for sex from another man never , so I picked up on you said the sex life was not there ? why if your not connecting sexualy in a young relationship it won't work but I also know your on a emotional level with can hold a relationship together also its a big relationship germany australia so you have a lot rolling on it if she is up for getting back with you YOU MUST lay grounds down no more sex with out the relatioship its not emotional bond she's looking for is sex so you must work on this I would give it another chance but I will say 1 more things to you you be more of a man strong with her say no to her some timesit might turn her on woman love men men and take her by suprise some times tell her what she's doing the german men are like that she will be used to that be like a mail wolf some time she will love it :)))) trust me but this time you take control good luck with your life you sound a nice man she's lucky

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    • Well I think that it is in fact well and truly over. She now has gotten into a relationship with this other guy and doesn't really speak to me anymore. I guess she will start to talk to me once its gets closer to her coming to Australia. A part of me still loves her. I did say no to her when it was needed, and I was a very confident man with her. The strong man, confident, and emotional man just wasn't what she wanted. She clearly wanted something else. Guess that is what happens to the nice guy

    • Well as you say that's it then australia is full of nice woman I'm sure you will fall in love with another 1 give your self a liitle time enjoy your time with your family get out a bit and just get ready to meet the next girl all that exitment again and hope fully you will be treated the way you should be with love and respect I will say to you not all woman cheat so have some faith in your next woman :) good luck

  • Ok... she cheated on you. And she will probably do it again if you take her back.

    What other people (i.e. her family, etc.) think is irrelevant. This is about you and her and nobody else.

    Her excuses sound like a load of crap. Sorry, I'm not trying to be negative, but come on. If you have problems in a relationship, you solve them by talking, and not by f***ing some other guy. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but she doesn't love you the way that you love her. It is convenient to have a man who will do (literally) anything for you and make you feel like a queen. And you can chose to stay with her but continue suffering for love, or break up (and this will be difficult in the beginning, but eventually you'll get over it).

    Fuck the tickets. Your feelings are more important than some effing plane tickets.

    Good luck!

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  • she sound like she's just not ready to be in a super serious relationship, like getting married. she probably doesn't really want to settle down just yet, and still wants to have fun. I think that if you get back togather, it will happen again :( sorry

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    • To be honest, I think it would too sadly enough. The regret and compassion just isn't there anymore. Thanks for your imput.

What Guys Said 1

  • She'll in all likelihood do the same thing the minute she gets bored. You're totally kidding yourself. Be rid of her!

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