I have just been living in Germany for over a year with my girlfriend (She's German) and we have just recently broken up. I have given up my life in Australia to go and be with her. We had been together over 2 1/2 years and had everything planned for our tour of Australia and our Universities in Germany. (I taught myself German so I could communicate with her family and be able to study).
She had made a new male friend at work and not wanting to be over protective, I didn't say anything against it.
I found her one night at this other guys place when she told me she was at work and wouldn't answer her phone. I found out from questioning them that she had been having an affair with him and had slept with him twice.
I left Germany a few days later and returned back to Australia (my home country). We are now separated but she is still coming over in December. Our plane tickets were booked. She tells me that it was all her fault and the reason that it happened was that over the time I was there she was slowly falling out of love with me and that us being/living together 24 hours a day became really hard on her. She basically had no alone time. She regrets completely what she did but she can't tell me if she wants to be together again, its only been just over a week so I guess that it is too soon for her to be able to tell. She doesn't want a relationship with this other guy and can't really tell me why she did it.
I know it sounds stupid, but I am still in love with her, and are considering being with her together if we can patch things up in the times before and after she comes to Australia. Her family adores me and have accepted me into the family like a son in law. (I was actually planning on getting engagement rings in January)They all can't believe she would do such a thing and all say that she may have let the best thing that happened in her life go back to Australia. The other guy is a no hoper that smokes and does/has done and deals in drugs. He has basically no future.
Should I wait for her and see her response? We still talk basically everyday because our emotional connection is still there, it always has been. The thing that just wasn't there was our sex life, which I think attributed to why she did what she did.
I honestly don't want to move on because I love her, I feel no anger towards her for what she did, merely disappointment. The other guy is an asshole though. Don't like him. Understandable though.
Do I wait and see if we can work things out? Is it possible that seeing that I am not there anymore that she will realize how big of a mistake it was and want me back? Do I try to move on and find another girl to be with? (I could find one but I don't think I would be happy) Should I get her to make all the effort for us to be back together?
Not an easy question. Before I was always, any cheating, its over, no exceptions. Now that it has happened, I feel I can't accept that. Any help would be appreciated. This is thank you in advance
Most Helpful Girl
A separation is the best solution right now so both of you can clear your minds. I would recommend that you take the time to seriously reflect about this relationship and the potential future. If you are contemplating marriage and she cannot handle living together then how will this impact that? Is she truly remorseful for her mistakes, take she take ownership and will they be repeated? Can you honestly look into your heart, forgive her and make a life with her? Is she mature and emotionally ready for a lifetime commitment?
I think these are very important issues to ponder. The hardest thing to do is listen to your heart instead of your head. Once you have answered these questions then you need to have a very serious convo with her. You both need to determine if being together forever is a unified goal. If it is then make a pact to make it work and stick with it. Leave the past in the past and start anew. Just remember, both of you have to want this and you both must collaboratively get back on track, it cannot rest with one person.
You have a lot to consider but this has to be your decision alone. No one can make the choice for you. Good luck.1