At My Wits' End With An Ex?

My ex and I have recently started talking after about a month after the breakup. He wants to be friends and not "burn a bridge," and gradually communicate through Facebook to in person contact.

Two weeks ago, in person, he was "confused" and "maybe not as over me as he thought." One week ago, over the phone, he felt he "wasn't as confused" and wanted to rebuild the friendship.

Last night, he didn't want to hang out cause he was tired (but I shouldn't take it personally, and should keep asking whenever I'm in town), and he got OFFENDED when I remarked that he was over me. Why the heck would he be offended? And he said his feelings were "complicated," but he wants "just friends." If he wants to be just friends, doesn't that mean he's over it?

I don't know how to act, and I'm feeling really, super upset, and kind of just "f all men" at the moment...

We hung out (in a small group) last night, and it felt kind of couple-y, like both of us being flirty and acting like we did when we dated (and then it'd suddenly get awkward; it was a big cycle.)
When I left, he gave me a long hug, and I said I felt like kissing him. He said even though he was tempted/wanted to kiss me, we shouldn't, because he was already confused. What... the...


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is typical behavior that people go through when they break up with someone- they miss their company, and probably lonely. They say they miss the person but don't wanto to go back with them. I went through this with my ex. I don't know the psychology of it but I think it is pretty common.

    I would approach it with much caution because he wants to remain friends( something that may be impossible to do) but is confused with his feelings. He may just want sex. Make sure you do not give him any. If he truly does miss you for you as a person he will come back. I have been though this with my ex. He says he misses me and still loves me, and on many occasions says he's coming home. but then he changes his mind. I wish you luck.

    I wo


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Naaah! We men are more like women than you think we are. We have feelings, insecurities and desires to forge a good relationship just like the women, whether we admit it or not. This dude is confused. Now, do you want to wait for him to make up his mind, that's up to you. The thing is, when he make up his mind, you may or may not in the picture. Does it worth the risk/wait? It is up to you to decide.

    • Why do you think he sounds confused? I feel like I'm missing something here...

  • I can't blame you. he's playing a lot of mind games with you. It's time to let him go...'friends' as in, see you once a year at yur birthday..!

    • If he WASN'T playing mind games, what would he be acting like?

    • Show All
    • Because he's stringing you along for his ego, honey. He wants to string you along until something else comes along. Then he won't be bothered with you. This could possibly be his way of making himself feel better about the whole break up- knowing he can still f*** with your mind.

    • This candlewax may be a little cynical, but I think on the right track. I'd say he really is confusedand is projecting that confusion onto you.

What Girls Said 3

  • First off, a MONTH is not near enough time for you to not see each other. It depends on how long you were together, but regardless, a month is not enough down time for either of you. You need to separate yourself from this situation pronto. He's totally stringing you along while he gets over you. Once he's moved on, chances are he can't be bothered.

    If I were you, I'd walk away for awhile and let the little baby deal with his bs. ALONE. You have better things to do. Like try to get on with your life and not with a guy who's making a FRIENDSHIP far too complicated.

    • Really? You told him you wanted to kiss him? You're not helping the situation any. Why are you asking for advice when you're just going and making things worse? I'm sorry, you're on your own, sweetie.

    • *Sigh* Yeah. I had a weak moment. I'm an idiot, I know.

    • It's hard, but for your sake, you should back off. This isn't fair to you. Let him be confused on his own. You shouldn't have to be included in his indecisiveness.

  • You need to let each other breathe: even though he says he's over you, he's obviously not. So give him time. Don't push him out completely--you can maintain contact through facebook--but it's not a good idea to meet him in person; avoid such meetings if you can, for at least another 3-4 months. It may seem like a long time, but if you try to 'rebuild' things immediately, before the dust has settled, you will risk confusing each other into thinking that this is a potential romantic relationship you are rebuilding.

    So don't sweat it, and don't push friendship. Time will heal everything.

    Good luck!

  • I have the same exact problem. My boyfriend is LDR so it makes it harder (or easier in some ways).

    I would tell you to live your life and just forget him for a while.. focus on you.

    He's confused yes, but I think he likes playing games with you (mine did too).. It's really hurtful and frustrating.. and if you wait for him he'll just keep doing this.

    The best thing to do is let him go. If he comes back, then he isn't confused anymore, he realized he misses you and that you won't go for the head games.

    If he doesn't come back, then he was just bored...lonely..stroking his ego.. and so on.


    Just the truth. I have the same problem as I said.


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