Do we still have a chance?

I want to keep this as short as possible so as not to bore you girls but I just want to know if (A) we still have chance and (B) if I should wait for her to contact me.

We were together for about 2 years and never argued or disagreed on anything. I wasn't a bad boyfriend, in fact I think I was a pretty good boyfriend. Things got a bit rocky a couple of months ago because I stopped smoking weed and suddenly wanted a bit more out of the relationship. I tried to talk to her about our issues and she didn't really know what to say (we never really talked this deep before) so suggested we have a break.

I agreed and that lasted about 4 days then we decided to take things slow and give each other time to do our own thing but that was just making me feel worse as I thought we were taking a step back.

Eventually (about 4 weeks ago now) we decided that we should indeed just take a break and try and start over again. I reassured that I wanted to be with her and that she should not worry and just take this time to be herself again. She told me how amazing I was and that she would be thinking of me every day.

I called her about a week later telling her I missed her so much and that taking a break was the wrong idea for me but she said she misses me but not being with me.

SO I said to her that if she doesn't want to be with me then just tell me so I can move on and all I wanted was for her to be happy. her response was "i don't want to be with you right now"

Its been nearly 4 weeks since that conversation and I haven't contacted her although she sent me a text last week to thank her for the clothes I washed for her and took them round while she wasn't there. Although she thinks I have slept with someone because one of jumpers I gave her wasn't hers. I told her it was probably my brothers girlfriends jumpers and she didn't need to drive over here just for the sake of a jumper and that was it. that was 6 days ago and as the days go on I think I have and less chance of getting back with her.

Can any of you girls tell me if I'm just wasting my time by giving her space and hoping she calls me or if I should give up?

Also what did she mean when she was saying those things on the phone?

Updates:
Although the advise given was great I was still wondering from a womans point of view if you honestly think she will come around or if I'm just lying to myself thinking that giving her time will make her see some sense?
also would it be a good idea to contact her in a couple of weeks in case she is too afraid to contact me?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If a girl wants to be with you she will. "I don't want to be with you right now" is pretty clear. I think she risks the chances of you moving on with someone else the longer she takes to figure her sh*t out. I think she knows this, but still feels the separation is best for both of you.

    I'm going through a similar situation... My ex-boyfriend of three years broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I didn't want it and he tells me he loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship... So I've spent the better part of 4 weeks crying and begging and pretty much making a damn fool of myself.

    Now I'm not over it... I still want to be with him, but I'm not going to make myself miserable thinking about what's going on in his head. F*7ck that.

    You should do the same. Stop thinking about what she wants and focus on how you can carry on without her. Yeah, it's cool that you miss her and you feel comfortable enough to express your feelings, but don't let her think that your happiness is dependent on her coming back to you.

    If she thinks you slept with someone else because of a stupid jumper, then she doesn't trust you and you have bigger problems than you think.

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    • I know I can carry on with out her and I know that if needs be I will find someone else in the future.

      I don't need her, rather then want her if that makes sense? I'm going on holiday next week to get away but I figured it might be a good idea to contact her when I get back to catch up?

      Maybe I can help you with your siuation a bit: try not contacting him at all for about a month to give him time to miss you? the more you stay in contact, the more he realizes your there if he changes his mind?

    • Thanks. Dude, I totally get the "I want" feeling. That's where I am too.

      I can spend about 4 days max without texting or emailing him... I haven't actually had a conversation with him in two weeks.--Your advice is sound, but it's so hard to do. But I will try!

      I hope your weekend away helps you.... Let me what happens after you talk to her.---You may inspire me. LOL

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • She said it pretty clearly. "I don't want to be with you right now."

    To me it looks like she's making you her bench warmer, or her back up plan. If she wants you, she will go looking for you. Right now the best thing to do is, enjoy being a free man, do your own thing, go out and have some fun with friends (and it doesn't need to involve weed...altho I could really use some now. XD) and just have a BLAST!

    And no, this is not some kind of plan to make her jealous and wonder why you're not looking for her then make her come crawling back to you for more attention. This is for you to move on, because it sounds like she's doing just that but in a much slower pace. Don't let yourself be her boy toy, especially if it's someone who sounds as sweet as you. You'll find someone better who deserves your affection and attention.

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    • Ha don't worry, I haven't smoked in over 2 months now :) I guess your right but it p*sses me off that I'm sure I would get back with her if she called me up tomorrow!! I'm going on holiday next week so there will be plenty of time for that :)

      I don't see why girls insist on doing things the hard way sometimes :)

      Thank you for the advise!

  • i really don't know what to say, but for me personally, when I let a relationship cool down this much, it's me saying I don't want to breakup with you cause I don't want to hurt you, but I really can't stand being with you anymore. just my opinion. for me, I like direct guys. idealistically, if my guy were curious and unsure, I'd want him to talk to me face to face, and say, do you still care, flat out ask her (nicely) I understand you want your space right now, but do you still want me and to be with me again when your ready? don't rush her and hint about wasting you time though, tell her she's worth the wait! they way I see it is, you obviously care for her, than if you can't wait anymore and you're expecting it to end sooner or later, why not give it one more shot?

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  • Chuck, Sorry to hear about the breakup it sounds like you really care deeply about this girl and are devasted that you guys are having such distance. However, I don't suggest you call her unless you are excepting her fears and that they will get in the way later of bigger issues potentially for the future. Ask yourself honestly, if I really like someone amd I going to be afraid to talk to them ESPECIALLY when they have clued me in to how they are feeling? Goodluck

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  • I think the no contact thing works perhaps on both sides, but I think with women/girls resentment builds. Guys tend to get bored, lonely, then miss their ex. Girls do the same, but they built up more hurt and more reasons to not like you, and then think they made the right decision of taking a break or moving on.

    Usually taking a break is a cowardly way of saying "it's over" because one person doesn't want to hurt the other.

    But when it's not that (rarely the case), they usually come around by now... I'm sorry, for me it doesn't look good.

    HONESTLY though.. if you do have any chance with her, you should tell her how you feel if you haven't already. Then sit on it, say nothing, and leave the ball in her court (if you're willing to wait for her). Are you? Rhetorical.. ask yourself is she worth waiting 2 months .. 6 months.. maybe a year.. until she realizes she misses you (as in "together")?

    Maybe she simply doesn't have the heart to tell you outright what she feels, but you did ask, and it sounds like you got your answer. SORRY

    But I think waiting it out is the only thing you can do. The question is, why do you want to?

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What Guys Said 3

  • "We were together for about 2 years and never argued or disagreed on anything."

    When I first read that, I knew something bad was going to come up next.

    "She told me how amazing I was and that she would be thinking of me every day." then

    "I called her about a week later telling her I missed her so much'

    I can't believe you did that! Bad move buddy..

    Okay so what I can gather up is that is you wanted more from the relationship. I think that's great.

    But you've made some really bad mistakes that could be potentially irreversible.. Because when a girl forms her impression of something, it usually stays forever. It's from then it's better to just move onto the girl.

    Now you've been together for 2 years and never disagreed or argued. Have you thought that disagreeing or arguing can bring people closer?There's always some point in a relationship where one or the other just doesn't agree or JUST GIVE UP. If you never argue then how do you think you could deal with problems in the relationship? Fighting is good and just laugh about it in the end, it's usually over something stupid but it brings people closer. You need to know the dark and good side of people to love them. Since you never experienced the bad side, now your in this situation not knowing what to do. We'll I think if you hate little arguments here and there in the relationship, this could have had less of an impact on the relation. Ever hear people say "Oh we always fight" and just :). This is because they understand what's happening.

    Okay so to the second mistake.

    She called you AMAZING and you go calling saying "oh how much I miss you too.. come back to me.. I need you back!"

    Well what this says is that you need her and she has ALL the power to chose if she wants you.

    What you should have said is "I know, but you better hurry because your starting to lose me".

    See what this communicates! It says all the right things, saying that you don't need her, I can find somebody to replace you anytime. This gives you all the control and choice instead of giving to her. You need to be the Man who makes all the decisions.

    In regards to your situation. I say try to communicate the way I did. Don't be the guy who is needy and desperate. And if in the end it still fails. Learn from your mistakes, go learn how to maintain a healthy relationships and best of all GET BACK ON THE MARKET.

    All the best Buddy.

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    • Paragraph two: *Just move onto the next girl

      Paragraph three: * Well if you have small arguments here and there

      *relationship

    • Show All
    • Should I try contacting her after I get back from holiday in a couple of weeks? or just leave her if/when she does ever decide to contact me?

    • Don't worry if she wants you bad enough, she'll call.

      I just want you to remember something.

      We fall in love. When we do, we can't control it, we don't know why. We just become attach to the other person. This can make us do some crazy things to the person we love.

      Maybe she wasn't the one. Or it's just part of the whole thing.

      The best answer I can give you mate is to move on, things will get clearer from then on.

  • okaii I am not a girl but I think you lost her at the jumper thing

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  • yes

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