How to Slowly But Surely Get Back Together?

My ex and I broke up because I acted clingy and arrogantly with her. I waited a while for things to settle down, before apologizing profusely for everything that I did wrong, and telling her that if she had it in her to give me another chance, I would work to change myself, but if not, I would be content knowing that God had a better plan for both of us.

She responded (after a month of not answering one or two other texts, mind you), saying she appreciated it. I texted her again, this time telling her I wanted what we used to share back, and reinforcing how I wanted to become a better person for her. She responded that for right now, casually saying hello every now and then would be fine.

Right now, at least we're on speaking terms, with the potential for more in the future (hence the for right now). What would be an ideal way to win her back fully at this point?


Most Helpful Girl

  • There is no set plan or formula to win someone back. Winning someone back takes time, work, and above all patience. What you really need to do, is not to concentrate winning her back, but by you making a concious effort to change. If you go back into the relationship again, without having worked on yourself to change in you what brought about the end of it, could seriously damage your chances if the relationship happen to come about again, she will see you have not changed and then will go again this time perhaps for good.

    So work on and change the aspects of yourself, that she didn't like, become a better person and when she eventually sees you , she will notice the changes in you and it will make all the difference within the relationship, perhaps even better it.

    So do that first, then when you feel ready, call her, tell her you just wanted to say hi and to ask her how she is, then tell her that it would be nice sometime to meet up for lunch for a chat, it would be fun. Make sure it is in the day time so it looks less like a date and use your words wisely, ones of friendship, not romantic ones. You need to build a friendship with her firstly, and take your time with this.

    Remember work on yourself first, then call her.

    • I know exactly what I need to change about myself, and am already working on altering these aspects of my personality. I guess a better way to rephrase this question is how do I show her this change in order to increase my chances at getting back what we once had? She knows I want to change for her, now I just have to show her that I've put effort into doing so.

    • Ok, so you are making an effort in changing the person you are. You know the old saying, actions speak louder than words?! Well, you will have to prove it to her.and be consistent about it. It also depends on the way you and she are in contact. If it is something like you where you joined a group, then show her stuff from it, show her a photo of you and some of the group, or the inside of the building, show her letters, or anything at all that gives evidence of this change ..continued above

    • I actually used the expression 'actions speak louder than words' when telling her how I would change. I would send her any material evidence, but pretty much everything I would be changing would be about my personality. So, to show her this change, I'll be working to become a less boastful person and let it show when we talk, as well as text/call less often (evidence enough that I want to change my former clinginess). I think it's a good course of action for right now.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ideal way: don't contact her very much except to say hi for an entire month to a month and a half. In that time, change your look (upgrade), make new real friends, and get really busy and take your mind off the situation. Ask her out on a real date, make sure she knows it's a real date. On the date, pay for everything, take her some place she's never been, to a restaurant or a concert. See if she will hold your hand... And try to maybe kiss her at the end of the night. See how it goes.

    • That is some REALLY good advice haha. has an ex ever done this to you? just curious, I'm in the same situation, and I got dumped almost a month ago haha

    • Honestly, you need to look up the wing girls on youtube and get some advice from them. I've gotten back with an ex before. I couldn't help myself, I wanted to hook up with him and I was in love. What I didn't like about how he tried to get back with me was he moved right in for the kiss and it didn't feel right because we hadn't really even talked about things like what I wanted from the relationship etc.

  • ...continued...

    You may also have to keep this up for an indefinite amount of time, till she says its all good. So she can trust again and know that you mean what you say. So as I said below that if there is anything material stuff then show her, either through email or by letter.


What Guys Said 2

  • Trying harder just makes it worse, makes you more desperate, unattractive, needy, clingy etc.. happy go lucky should do the trick. .

  • If you have let her know you want back , give her time to think about it and hopefully she will give you a second chance. You can't make someone want you, want to be with you etc... either she does or she doesnt... She has more power in the relationship because you want it more and could end up being her lap dog...


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