Wife won't believe me when I tell her I didn't cheat on her, now she's moved out & threatening to divorce me?

I'm a 25 year old Lieutenant in the Air Force. I fly F-15s here at Nellis AFB in Las Vegas. My wife (she's 24) and I have been married a little under a year, and its been an OK marriage. We both met in college, I was in AFROTC, and she worked as a student employee for the department. The other night we both got into a really huge argument because she accused me of cheating after she found a receipt from a restaurant for lunch for two that I had forgot to throw away in the pocket of my flight suit, and the fact that she found lipstick on the collar of one of my uniform shirts while doing our laundry. I told her all I did was take one of the civilian secretaries from my squadron to lunch, nothing more. There was nothing sexual about it or anything. My wife went overboard, she started throwing my clothes out into the parking lot of our apartment complex, then she went and smashed one of my favorite bottles of cologne that she bought me last Christmas. She told me that our marriage was over, and that I'm just a womanizing bastard for sleeping with the woman. I swear I didn't sleep with her, it was a friendly lunch, nothing more. She said I was lying and told me to go to Hell.

Anyway, I decided to go cool off for a few hours while she just locked herself in the bedroom crying over nothing in my opinion. I drove around for a while, and then remembered a couple of my buddies in my squadron told me about this strip club just off the Strip. I decided to check it out to see if it would make me feel a little better. I went in and then I bought a couple of lap dances. I had a lot of alcohol as well there as well, so I was pretty drunk.

Anyway, during one of the lap dances I ended up getting an erection. I had these Levi's jeans on and the pressure of it pushing on them was just too much to handle and I ended up blowing my load. My boxers were soaked. I was thinking about staying a little longer, but I was feeling a little sick from all the alcohol I drank. I was too drunk drive back home, & I couldn't even walk straight, so I just got a cab home & left my Jeep there.

I got home and my wife was waiting up for me, I guess she was worried. She wanted to talk to me, but I just told her I wanted to get undressed and go to sleep because I had such a headache from drinking so much. She seemed pretty upset, and as I was getting into bed, she noticed my boxers and the come stains on the front of them. She accused me going to see the woman from work I took out to lunch. I told her straight out I didn't, and that I wasn't in the mood to argue again and just to shut her up, told her straight out that I went to a strip club instead, and she pretty much started slapping me and pounding into me, saying I was a a cheating bastard or something, & going to the strip club was even worse. She's gone to her Mom's in Denver now, and won't speak to me. Every time I call, her Mom answers and won't put me on to my wife. I just wish my wife would support me. Am I a bad person?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, how did that chicks lipstick end up on your colar? was it a hug?...mistake number 1

    Second, going into that strip club didn't exactly quash your wifes theory that your a womanizing bastard...mistake 2

    Seriously, when you're married, don't go out with girls alone. Bring other guys with you.

    It seems extreme, but that's the way we girls think, we are protective and jealous and want you all to ourselves. And even though we say we trust you 100%, its actually 99%, there is 1% of insecurity about trusting you. And if you come home with signs that another girl has been on our "territory") that 1% becomes 99% in that very second.

    No matter how much you proclaim your innocence, just the sight of that lipstick is enough to reach the pit of our stomach and cause 1million visualisations of you having sex with another woman speed through our heads...it ridiculous but that's how we think

    You need to see her, don't put any time between you two it can make you seem guilty. You need to go there and speak to her mother, explain the innocence of the situation and tell her how much you love her daughter and tell her how you would never do anything to risk your relationship with her. And tell her you just want to talk to her, that's it, you will leave after you have a talk with her.

    And this talk with your wife could make or break your marriage. If You want me to tell you some things you must include in your conversation to her, then tell me. (I really couldn't be bothered to type everything right now)

    Good luck, if you truly LOVE your wife and can't imagine your life without her...then go get her!

    Believe me women are just crazy

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What Girls Said 1

  • Okay, sorry to say this is a mess. If you really cared about how she felt the last place you would have went was a strip club. Seeing titties made you feel better oh give us a break. That's like saying it didn't mean anything when I slept with her or it was only one time. Most guys don't shoot their oad when they've had way too much alcohol. It is a depressant.YOu poured gasoline on a raging fire. In regards to the lunch thing. Coworkers don't hug and getlipstick on someone's collar. People who like each other and are progressing their relationship get that close. If it was so friendly then why didn't you tell her about it. You are too young and she deserves to be with someone who is not going to use sex and alcohol to deal with grown up problems.

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What Guys Said 3

  • NUMBER 1: if you are taking a civilian secretary (female I assume) to lunch you should have notified your wife about it first, not during, and not after. it sounds to me like you knew she wouldn't approve of that and so you just conveniently didn't mention it. You are a married man, not a single guy anymore. should have understood the difference and taken the responsibility of that difference before you made the vows to this woman that you did, before God, your families, and everybody else.

    NUMBER 2: your marriage is on the line and you go to a titty bar. seriously. AND get trashed.

    I wouldn't say you are a bad person if all this was going on and you were single and you both understood it to not be a serious relationship. But you are MARRIED. sounds to me like you have no business being married at all and you made a mistake thinking that you were. you should do both of you a favor and let her go. cause its clear that you think you are still entitled to be a bachelor in your mind and have not taken the difference seriously and the changes that are supposed to take place. I was married once too. 1 year and she divorced me. she was ready to have the litter of kids with a white picket fence and get fat and all that. I was still wanting to fight mma and play other sports and continue going to college. never wanted other girls, just wanted her, but we had different ideas about the pace of things and what we wanted to achieve personally. and that divorce was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. it may be for you both also. or maybe not. but YOU screwed up here, not her, based on your story. you have some thinking to do on what you really want and what your willing to do to get it. single life or married life. you can not do both. there is no in between. good luck Lieutenant.

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  • You aren't bad, she is. If you really didn't cheat with the secretarie, then she is so overreacting. Ending an marriage due to a friendly lunch? I think she realized that if you didn't cheat, she overreacted so she waited for you to come home, however : that's where you messed up, going to a stripclub wasn't exactly smart. But if she's gets rational she'll forgive you for that, but she overreacts in my opinion.

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