Am I moving too slow (physically) for my boyfriend?

We've been dating for 10 months now and he just recently groped me (which I allowed him to do but usually I'm very defensive about that) and I was wondering if I'm really slow? (as opposed to moving too fast) He has the highest respect for me and my choices and I couldn't of asked for a better guy. As you all can guess we've never had sex (I'm saving it for marriage) but, we plan to get married in the distant future. What the usual rate for you guys? Make out after a month and groping follows on the second? I'm just curious? :O


Most Helpful Girl

  • Talk to him about it.

    The two of you have been together for 10 months, so I assume you've talked to him about the fact that you're saving yourself for marriage? If for some reason you haven't, you definitely should. It's not fair to know that you don't plan on having sex with someone until you're married to them, but to not let them know that that's the case.

    So, assuming that he does know you're saving yourself for marriage, what are his views on it? Does he also want to wait until marriage? Or maybe he doesn't share that point of view, but is willing to wait until marriage because he supports you in your decision?

    Make sure you tell him what "no sex before marriage" means to you. What is okay to do and what isn't? Is it nothing more than kissing and groping? Or are you okay with doing some things (dry humping, handjobs, fingering, oral sex, etc.---not necessarily at the moment, but sometime down the road before marriage)? Lay it out on the table and talk about it (if he wants to save himself for marriage too, then you want to make sure you see eye-to-eye on what's okay and what's not; if he doesn't (but is willing to because he wants to be with you), you should let him know these things so that he doesn't overstep your boundaries).

    Once you've established what you both want/expect out of your "sexual" relationship, then you can talk about expectations of how soon is too soon. All guys are different in respect to this, so the only way to know what "rate" he's comfortable with is to talk to him about it.

    Open communication is key to a healthy romantic relationship and sexual relationship. I don't think it's fair to just be defensive when he tries to do something---he should know your boundaries so that he won't overstep them or pressure you into doing something you don't want to.

    • Yeah we definitely talk a lot and he's saving himself for me too! haha. When I told him that I wanted to wait and wanted nothing to do with it, he agreed right away and has never pressured me to do anything regarding that. He know all my rules and he listens to them very well. It's just sometimes I let it pass (groping me and kissing that is) because I don't think I should completely close myself off haha. Thanks for your answer! I highly appreciate it :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • You might want to slow him down even more (crazy I know) but if you're tryin to wait till marriage your gonna wanna keep his hands up. The most disciplined of guys gets primal when hormones kick in and arousal via touch is a good way to open up that flood gate

    Making out with a girl on the 2nd date is acceptable to me, its a good way to judge passion (not to mention its a blast)

    anything after that I play by ear

    • Ahaha I think he's good at controlling his hormones. Sometimes he gets touchy (like his hand gets close to my chest) and he's like "NO..I won't" and moves it elsewhere lol. But thank you for answering! :D

What Girls Said 2

  • hahah I don't think so, it's actually scientifically proven that couples who move slow last a lot longer than couples who move fast. I mean, if you give it your all at a beginning of a relationship, you have nothing left in the end.

    • I've heard of that too! ha ha hopefully it's true :D thanks!

  • I just recently learned the lesson that there is no such thing as too slow. If you want to save your virginity for marriage-which I am a big supporter of!-then go for it. The other person in the relationship will have to respect that. I only wish I could have the self control you did. My boyfriend was groping me by the 2nd week, which was too fast. Going too slow is better than going too fast and regretting what you did.


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