A Temporary Break-Up?

I've been doing some deep thinking about the future of my relationship. I am a sophomore in high school, and my girlfriend is a senior. Of course, she'll be leaving for college at the end of next summer, essentially putting us in two different worlds.

I care for this girl more than I can type here. I want nothing but for her to be happy. I know she will be happy as a clam exploring all the new opportunities college will offer her. I am more than aware that among these will be several temptations, including hot older guys and wild parties. Although I know she is mature enough to avoid these temptations, I don't want to force her to do so for me. Doing so may lead to her having a lesser overall experience, as well as resentment toward me as a result.

I've also been pondering how we would visit and communicate in a long-distance relationship. Again, while I know she and I could pull it off, I would be forcing her to choose between the new life she will be developing and me. It doesn't feel right to me for me to put this pressure on her. I know it will be hard enough already for her to leave home. The least I can do is ensure she has fun at college, where her focus is supposed to be.

The way I'm envisioning this is that we put the relationship on hold until we are able to meet each others' needs without the distractions school presents. We would still be able to communicate over the phone and on Facebook. Later down the road, we'd be able to pick up the relationship, stronger than it ever was (don't forget, absence creates attraction).

Finally, it goes without saying that she's still developing as a person, finding out who she wants to be and whatnot. I want her to have the freedom to decide whether or not she sees a future with me. If the answer ends up being no, and she finds a guy who is everything to her that I'm not, I'll be happy for her, if she's happy with him. If yes, then we'll be able to continue on together, as happy as we are now.

I haven't discussed this with my girl yet, although the topic may soon arise. I'm focusing on making sure she has the time of her life with me, while she can.

Has anyone ever tried what I'm planning on attempting? And does anyone have any advice on doing so? Any help would be greatly appreciated.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That idea (as thoughtful as you are being for your girlfriend) is probably not the best. It's alright to stop a relationship, believing its not going to work out due to circumstances and if by chance in the future you guys end up being back together. But if you're PLANNING on getting back together after the distance and experience, there is a high possibility it may not work out. People change over time due to experience, and although being in contact via facebook or on the phone, it will be different when you two are in person again IF it was for a long period of time (say for example, you guys are together in person after two years of being apart. But this doesn't apply to everyone.) I personally think that if you guys hold things off and if she does meet other people, you're going to feel deeply hurt because there's always going to be that hope of getting back together. If you're girlfriend is willing on doing this relationship long distance then you shouldn't feel bad for her. She can still have the college experience without making out with other guys ect. If it doesn't work out, again, it's mainly due to circumstances and maybe somewhere down the line you two might end up getting back together, but don't hope for anything because while you're seeing other people as well, it won't be fair to the other girls that you end up seeing as well as to yourself.

    Again this doesn't apply to everyone, some people actually are able to pull it off.

    Hope anything I said helped. Best of luck.

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What Girls Said 2

  • When my friend graduated, she moved from Austraila to the US, and when she got here she said look, I need to do this on my own. We are not seeing each other. She got her master's and she hasn't been with anybody else, and she had her time without him and he lived his life in Australia, and now they are considering getting back together and they've been talking for a while, but they are living in separate places to keep their separate lives for a while, but it's pretty clear that they are gonna be together because they've been talking and stuff all this time.

    My point is, you can have distance without losing each other.

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  • instead of just breaking up with her then citing your reasons for doing so, why don't you just sit down and discuss the possibility of breaking up? If she cares for you as much as you do her then she's going to be crushed that you broke up with her... or, if you give her the option she'll shoot you down and say no way. Give her the opportunity to think and choose for herself rather than taking that option from her.

    Long distance relationships CAN work. They're hard, but if you really care for the other person and vice versa it can work. My boyfriend is 5000 miles away for the next 4 months. We're living proof that long distance relationships can work.

    Check out Skype or iChat (if you have a Mac) as a possibility for communicating. That way you can still see each other.

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