Becoming friends after breaking up?

^What are your thoughts?^

My ex dumped me about 2 months ago, after going out for about 6 months. It came pretty much out of nowhere... he just didn't feel ready to be in a serious relationship. Which I actually understand, because he is pretty immature & I've known that all along. ( I think what he really means is that he isn't ready to be in a serious, committed relationship... just my thought though). He claims to still like me, but doesn't want to screw things up because he knew he wasn't ready. I guess the reason he broke up with me doesn't really matter... the act of breaking up says it all...

But yeah... We were good friends before we dated. He was actually one of my best friends at school (college).

Ive been struggling trying to figure out if we can or should be friends again. I know it will take time. But I've lost a lot of trust in him. I've already expressed my opinion to him that I will probably never take him back.

But I was just wondering what people think about being friends after breaking up. Any stories? Suggestions? Tips on how to make it work?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • im trying to do it right now even though I think its the wrong thing to do. I mean...there is no going back to certain things. I was with my ex for over 4 years. very very tight and committed relationship. great friends for years before. now...all I want is the relationship or nothing, but I'm hurting so I'm keeping her around as my friend because that's what she wanted. anyways...what I'm saying is...you have to know what you really want from this. I think its not a good idea to be friends afterward. it just doesn't work. if he wants you he will pursue you and if you want him then maybe you can take that step, but if you are done with hiim like you said then I would just tell him that you can't be his friend.

    to me friendship after a breakup is this, "support group for the people involved" it is a way for the the person who was rejected to still keep their hope for the other alive and for the person who did the rejecting its a way that they can not feel so bad over what they did. its a safe house for them if they get hurt again. they will always have the "friend" that they kept in the background and expect them to pick up the pieces.

    decide if you want this person in your life. that's the first step. then...decide if you can see yourself with them romantically later on. best thing is to limit contact so that your emotions don't play a role in your decision and it is based on your evaluation of the relationship and friendship.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • It was hard but I'm still great friends with my ex-girlfriend and I'm really glad we are. We lived together for a year broken up and it was not great but it proved rewarding in the long run because it allowed us both to get closure and find the friendship again.

    Definitely recommend remaining friends with ex's.

    I definitely suggest understanding your differences and why your not together (keeping these in mind and knowing them well is important to stop you drifting back together). Avoid talking about the past fondly together because that can lead to confusion.

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  • Being friends with an ex is hard. Especially when emotions are not under control. Some people stay friends in hopes of getting back together. It's really up to you and whether you think staying friends with your ex will help you move on. It's called a break up because it's broken. Don't forget this. If he broke up with you then I can see why you think being friends can be an unreasonable request. If you choose to stay friends with him, make sure you are doing it for you, not him. Some guys that are immature just want their cake and want to eat it too. He could want you to be a FWB, he could use your attraction as a way of building his own self confidence, and so on. He's reason's why he wants friendship doesn't matter if you don't believe it will benefit you and help you forgive and forget the past.

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  • Even if he is a good friend, once your in a relationship with someone some things change. Depending how much you liked/loved him will change this even more. If you want to be friends there is nothing wrong with that, although I'd say give yourself some space for a while. Give yourself a chance to go through your emotions and thoughts without him being around to make things harder or take longer.

    Friendship is probably possible since it didn't end on horrible terms. But I wouldn't say rush into a friendship with him because there are probably still some feelings of the relationship and the breakup lingering around.

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  • well I have a good story about being friends after a break up but its a little long but I can honestly say I'm still friends with every girl I have dated, its hard but to me its worth, what worked for me was I talked to her everyday, for at 30 minutes we just talked, that pushed us to be comfortable and plus I got over her a lot quicker, and I mean it was a bitter break up, I was angry she was hateful, it took a long time but now days she introduces me as her older brother

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  • what made you lose the trust?

    where you guys having sex?

    he maybe broke up with you for some other women who don't mind sleeping with a man

    while not dating them but I don't know

    being friends is easy it just has to work both ways

    ppl just need to realize the life moves forward and the memorys are just in the past

    and you can't just hold on to them for no reasons

    you just have to get over the past cause it can affect your future

    what do you think he ment by screw things up ?

    well id say talk to him like a human like you did before

    and if he finds it awkward then its probly another women

    but idk

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  • is ok?

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  • not recommended

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  • I personally can't do friends with exs. I say sever all ties!

    I find exs just cause dramas cause you try and hang out, and they crack onto your friends and you get jealous, or they get jealous of you talking to other girls, and then you have a massive argument in front of everyone over nothing.

    But it's personal choice obviously, I have met some people that are great friends with their exs. Although I have to say that makes me uneasy dating girls that hang out with their exs still... I'm sure I'm not alone there...

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  • did you say that to try and get his attention because if a girl said that I would stop talking to her games are games... listen to john mayer- friends, lovers or nothing... and john mayer- perfectly lonely its over forget about him...

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    • No I said it because I meant it. & I'm asking this question because I really do want to be friends again. But I'm just not sure if its possible or not.

What Girls Said 5

  • I know you guys were good friends, but once that bond is broken it's hard to mend again. It is possible, I have done it with a guy once, but it's never the same.

    When guys/girls say "they aren't ready" Most of the time this is just a cover-up for something else. I know, as I have done it in the past. I said that to my ex boyfriend before we got together, but one day it just hit me how important he was to me, and we got together!

    You say he broke up with you out of nowhere, which must of really hurt...do you really want to go through that again?

    It would be a good idea to list the pro's and con's of what you'd get out of a relationship with him. It sounds silly, but once you've wrote it down it all kinda makes sense.

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  • i personally can't keep being friends with someone I have gone out with! I don't know why but I'm mainly leading to the fact that I probably bring back all the stuff we did and I'm kind of a person who sticks to one guy, and if I'm going out with someone then I pysically and emotionally can't do anything and yer, I just can't its impossible! sorry I was saying crap then umm well I think if he matures a bit and you still feel the same way about him then go out with him again!

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  • it funny cause the exact thing happened to me.. we went out for 6 months and then we tryed to stay friends but then he got a new girl like a month later and then it became problematic and didn't want to talk to me any more..so I backed off then about 8 months later I get a phone call from him asking how I was and just chatting up like nothing happened. it was odd. but its not how it use to be.. every once in a while we will call each other to see how things are going.. meet up every now and again it still alittle awkward. I don't want to sounds full of my self that he realalized that leaving me was a regretable idea and is trying to keep that friendship.

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  • A lot of times it doesn't work out with people. But I believe ya'll should remain friends, as before. I think that you should watch out and take things slow, but if he is willing to try, you should be too.

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  • I wouldn't. I mean it doesn depend on the people, but being friends with an ex is so hard. if there are still any feelings on either side, a friendship will just bring pain and old hurt.

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