I'm in a lot of pain but I don't want to let go?

I've really liked this girl for about a year. She's never been in a relationship before. She's a really good friend. I asked her out once, but she knocked me back. Then a few months later in February I tried again, we had a very long talk about it but she said even though part of her wanted to that she couldn't do it .

At the beginning of April she told me that she liked me and even though she was afraid of being in a relationship that she wanted to give it a go. We went away on separate holidays for a week and then when she came back she said she couldn't go through with it even though she liked me and would be jealous if another girl went out with me. One month later at the end of may she said that she felt we shouldn't do date-y things anymore like go to dinner together, because it would be just too confusing for her and feelings would grow and that that just wouldn't be right. On the same night she said she saw me as a brother and that us going out would be weird. But in my opinion those two things don't add up in my opinion. -- I mean she was completely fine doing one on one stuff with other guys, why wouldn't she be afraid her feelings for them would grow?

Anyhow we stopped talking for a couple of months, but have started talking again, and I really want to give this another go. We've had lunch together already, and I think she still has at least some feelings for me, of course I might be wrong...

I desperately feel I don't want to give up. I don't feel the need to give up. I'm not going to shut out other girls from of my life, I mean, if I meet a girl that I like sure, I'll try to get to know her better, but for the moment I still feel so sure that she's the one.

I am very very afraid that if I stop trying and let her go then she'll disappear for ever. I'm afraid that if I just leave it and hope she comes round - that she won't come to me and tell me she likes me, even if she really really likes me. She'll be too afraid to , given everything that has happened.

I just feel so strongly that I shouldn't give up. If I give up, nothing will happen. If I don't give up just maybe something could happen- even if its only a tiny marginal chance, and that's good enough for me... I want to be with her, and I happy to wait,-i just desperately don't want to lose her.

I feel that I just got the timing all wrong. Part of me feels that if I had asked her in 5 years time, maybe everything would have worked out. And as selfish as this sounds, I just don't want some random guy coming into her life at the perfect moment, when she feels ready for a relationship, and snatching her away-- I want to be that guy to be me.

i don't know how she feels about me now, but back four months ago she must have liked me- I'm the only guy to whom she has ever admitted feelings for - and she has told me of a guy that she was in love with in the past (she didn't tell him of her feelings for him)

Am I being sane? I feel that I have to make it happen, I feel that it won't just happen by itself. What do you think I should do? She is very frightened about the concept of a relationship and I want to indirectly show her that she doesn't have to be.
But I'm also afraid that if I leave it too long her feelings for me might disappear. What do you think I should do? How often should I try and ask her out? Should I try to talk to her again or leave it for a while?
One more thing, (and thanks to you who bother to read this, I know its like an essay), she's petrified of being in a relationship, even though she's never been in one before. She's petrified of losing independance, and is afraid it'll impact her future.


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What Girls Said 1

  • This sounds like me when I was going to have my first bf... It was difficult giving a yes... I don't know how to explain what I felt I was also afraid I didn't want a boyfriend but then I did it took several months of talking 2 rejections until I finally gave him a yes I think you should just stick with her she seems to be worth it it's just that like you said she's afraid


What Guys Said 1

  • Your in the "Friend Zone" with this girl. Is not gonna happen. She is just letting you down nicely. A girl will either find you attractive or unattractive. You can't change her mind and make her attracted to you. However, she can find you attractive in the future, but this will be on her own term.

    I should also mention that is it very difficult to get out of the "friend zone." I say keep her as a friend. Girls make good friends. They will hook you up with other girls.


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