How do you know if your hubby is cheating?

I've been married for almost 2 years now, but known him for 24. He comes home after work, he doesn't go out, but he's addicted to the darn computer and games. He doesn't come to bed with me hardly and blames it on his work schedule. I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right. He says he's loyal and faithful, but I think he has an internet thing going on. We have arguments about internet p*rn and he told me he'd give it up for me. (I did not request this) but I think he still does it and may have something going on.

So how can I tell? Please help me, I don't want to go through this sort of thing again.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First let me say I am not making excuses for his behavior.

    A guys sex drive can be affected by a lot of things. Finances, pressure or changes at work, long hours, extended family problems, physical health...by no means a complete list, but you get the general idea.

    It's going to affect all levels of intimacy.

    For a guy, this kind of "failure" is a real blow to the ego. We don't deal well with it.

    He may be addicted to the computer as well. Seems to be a more common trend nowdays.

    While most of that is going to take communication to resolve, the immediate problem is time together.

    The games he plays...are they things you can be a part of? See, here the thing...If you can't draw him to you, then go to him.

    If there is something going on he's hiding, being involved on the computer with him is going to draw it out. If he is just using it as an escape, being involved will at least let him see you're trying.

    Yeah...I get how boring the virtual world can be. I prefer reality myself, but me and my girl do play one of the online games together a few times a month...it's time we plan and set aside just for that purpose.

    Hope this helps

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not a nice thing to do, but you could search for something on his computer (like messenger logs, browser history, received files, etc)...

    But I believe that communication is the key for success in relationships (especially in marriage)...

    So I think you should talk to him and expose your feelings. Try to tell him you are missing something, etc.. IF he's really cheating on you, it will warn him that you know something is wrong. But try to hear his point too and don't judge him without any proof.

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    • He's a major computer guy and knows how to hide things from me. I'm just scared. He changed his password on one of his email accounts and that worries me.

    • Then you should definitely talk to him... And cheshire_cat's point is good too. IF he has a relationship online, maybe he doesn't even consider that cheating... But it's always good to have a little talk and make some precautions before he gets "emotionally" involved or something...

What Girls Said 3

  • Come on people,really? You think sitting him down and talking to him is going to suddenly make him admit to his wife that he's messing around online? Yeah, maybe if this was a perfect world.

    Listen,you know something is up because you feel it in your gut. Bells and whistles are not going to sound.You need to listen to your gut because its trying to tell you something or why else would you be writing this.

    What you have to do is play detective. (some may disagree with me and say its wrong for you to invade his privacy- but your husband pretty much threw the rules of what's wrong and right out the window, so the way I see it is now anything goes).

    Ok first, google any/all email addressess that he uses(make sure you have safe search turned OFF).Also, google any screen names that you know of.

    Then comes the time consuming part of searching various dating/sex websites. Search for all males of his age in the city you live in(and surrounding cities).You will get a bunch of pages to look through but its worth it to finally know the truth.

    Oh that's another thing...make sure you are prepared to know the truth and what you plan on doing if you do see that he is having an online affair.

    Websites to try are: adultfriendfinder,fling,sexsearch,etc...just google adult dating sex websites and you should get an idea of which ones are popular.

    And I would recommend using a computer other than his because if he's computer savy then he will be able to find out what you are doing.

    Good Luck.

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  • Have a clear talk into what you consider cheating. He may think that internet relationships are not cheating because there is no physical contact (other then maybe his own hand) >>.

    In the end, if a woman feels deep down there might be something, she's usually right. But really, ask him straight up. Give him the chance to change .. if he can't or won't or gets mad at you for voicing your very valid concerns, something is up.. and you should get out.

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  • update me please. so what's happened so far?

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