Do you think I should say hi to my ex?

so here is my situation:

i met a really wonderful guy who is somewhat younger than me 3-4 months back and we hit it off really well. we got very close very fast. unfortunately we were a long distance relationship. I had just gotten out of a long relationship when I started dating him and unfortunately I made all the mistakes of being too clingy, insecure, needy, dependent, and I pushed for too much commitment too soon. I realize that now and normally that's not even how I am. but, I was in a bad previous relationship and I think I just needed some time to heal and be okay being alone. either way, I think the push for commitment was too much for him to handle and he broke it off with me. he said he still likes/cares about me, but isn't ready for a relationship because he wants to experience life first.

i was devastated, and naturally like the crazy person I was, I cried/begged etc to not end it. he was firm in his decision and said no, but we chose to remain friends(his idea). that was about 2 weeks ago. for the first week or so, we talked occasionally and remained friends and I told him that eventually when I got less depressed, I would walk away from our friendship(bc him wanting to be friends seemed selfish to me), and I think that bummed him out a lot. either way, for the last 5 days, I've maintained no contact and its been hard but I've been strong. I realize how annoying and clingy/desperate I was and why I became like that and so I stopped. I haven't talked to him for 5 days now, however I do want him back. should I say a simple hi and keep it real short? could it be that he isn't contacting me because I told him eventually I would walk away from the friendship and he just thinks that that's what I've decided to do now? I want to be friends with him and let him realize on his own that he misses me(something he said he would probably realize a lot later down the road), but I'm afraid if I remain friends, ill reach the 'platonic friend' level with him and he'll never view me romantically again. but, since I can't be a part of his everyday life(since we're long distance), I'm afraid he'll forget about me if I maintain no contact. Any advice? thank you!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i think that you need to meet with him and just let it all out ,tell him how you feel,the way you explained it here,and from there you will be able to figure it out,either he will meet with you,or not,thats were you will be able to see were he really stands with all this,and if things do work out,work on your negative actions that you explained here to make it work the second time around,good luck! / I also have a question on here can you please give me some advice!

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What Guys Said 1

  • You have to maintain no contact for now.. Let him contact you fi you were clingy and all of that. That is your only shot of getting him back

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What Girls Said 1

  • im going through something similar..and like you I have no contact and that's the way I intend to keep it. you have to let him contact you, that way you will know of he really cares for you or is just being polite because he don't want to upset you. if you were clingy and desperate with him before..contacting him is still clingy in his eyes. I'm only telling you this because I have had to do a lot of soul searching to stick to this..but its the only way to get them back is to back off. if he realizes he misses you..he will reach that decision on his own and then you know its real feelings he has. I'm like you..all my past relationships I break the no contact rule because I don't want to stay angry, I don't want to be friends bla bla bla..and guess what? it never worked..i always felt low self esteem and validatoin.

    so we will do it together hun..do not contact him k?

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    • Can I make that promise after today? :( upon some urging from friends, I texted him asking him how it was going. he still hasn't responded... :( but I guess after today I can stick to this rule again =/ strange thing is, I'm actually going to be where he lives in a month for business(weird twist of fate, huh) and I don't know it would be nice to meet up, since its a one time thing, but at the same time I don't want to freak him out or make things weird for him. should I ask him if he wants to meet? =/

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    • Can I join...lol..Because I agree with Claire, I always made the first move because I didn't want to be angry and life is too short. But we have something in common. We have a brokenheart and now have to move on due to the current circumstances. But our better days are ahead of us.

    • Update: he finally did respond to the txt, and we texted nicely a few times back and forth, how we are/about our day. nothing too special. even tho he is young, he is not childish and doesn't play the txting/waiting game really. I don't know why I'm always attracted to the emotionally unavailable sweet guys that will end up hurting me. give me a guy who's charming and makes me laugh but seems like trouble, and I'm hooked. but give me a guy who's stable and wants a family, and I'm not interested. :(

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