Is this the right way to go about this? What is going through her head?

I am just curious, my ex and I broke up a year ago and during this time we did try a few times to get back together. But in the end, she ended up with another guy who, to the best of my knowledge, makes her happy. That is the only thing I want for her is her happiness since life is to short. We broke up since our spark just died and the attraction we once had faded. I still had feelings for her I just never showed her it afterward since I found out she has started to date again and is with a guy now for 8 months. We also have different idea's of what we want in our lives at the moment. She wants to have an active social life with parties and drinking and lots of friends. Now personally my friends don't party that much and I have never liked drinking all that much, I drink on occasion, not for fun. I have a strong core group of friends, and then lots of minor people that I hang around with. We both are in college, at that different college's so it was an art form to be able to meet up with each other.

We have been friends for this period of time, meeting up once a week (or even once every two weeks or more) just for coffee, a walk, a quick lunch or something like that just to catch it up and bring each other up to date in the others' life. She has also opened up different lines of communication, such as she has finally got instant messaging, and different other forms of communication for the both of us. She has even openly admitted that she does not want to lose contact with me. I try my best not to read into thing's but I can't help but wonder what is going through her head when she has done all of this. We both enjoy each others' company, and still have a lot of fun with each other. We do flirt a bit with each other, but nothing to out of line, I try my best to keep myself in check and her in check because I don't want her to do anything drastic (she has cheated on previous boy friends before). Is this the right thing to do? Is this the right way to go about this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Alright that is so freaky but it really sounds like something that happened between me and this guy. I don't cheat that's horrible. And I am not in a relationship but you know if this girl comes back to you maybe its because she really still has feelings for you, loves you with all her heart, just can't figure things out. Maybe yeah, she wants a social life for a while but sooner or later she'll want to settle down with a nice boyfriend and such.

    My relationship with the guy I really adored was long distance, I really don't think that's rite because sometimes its hard to never know if they are cheating or anything like that, I told him I wanted to wait a little bit but he freaked out, Don't freak out about it. I mean maybe it sounds like something but, don't build to much feelings for her at this time, cause maybe in the end she just might break your heart and That sucks freaking butt.

    But, it sounds like to me you guys are really ment, I mean you two do all this flirting and meeting and such, why not go out again or something? Well after she is done with this relationship she has, maybe try, but if she doesn't give her time.


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What Girls Said 1

  • What's 'right' depends on what you and she are able and willing to accept and cope with.

    My ex and I are still great friends. We see each other at least once a week to hang out and watch TV shows he's taped that we both love. It was something we did when we were together and delighted in that.

    However, now our relationship has become more a brother sister type. He and I had just fallen out of love.

    It sounds like your ex has moved on with her life and put you in the brother zone. If you can accept that, great. Enjoy your friendship with her. If you can't (and be honest with yourself) then let her know and move on with your life without her in it at all.


What Guys Said 4

  • sounds uncannily like where my situation is headed... All I can say is be a friend. There's a reason that you're not with each other, and you have to keep that in your mind. You're not going to be in a perfectly objective state of mind when thinking about her, so you can't expect to not feel anything for her, but all you can do it toe the line and be a diligent friend.

  • Okay this girl is in a considerably long relationship and she keeps on seeing you, I presume behind her BF's back.

    Is that the girl you want as a GF.

    Have fun with her, but don't develop feelings of her.

    • She never has hidden anything from me when I was her boy friend. I told her if she ever lied to me that I would never marry her. She never did lie to me, she was always open to me. I have little feelings for her, not enough to do anything drastic to win her back just moments like now where I am just relaxing. The only thing I really know, most of her new friends are friends of her boyfriend and that he is protective of her.

    • Somehow I don't believe you knew everything about her. In general girls are better at hiding things and/or the guys are just too blind to see the truth.

      Anyway she has a Boyfriend don't take her seriously.

  • All really depends on what you want. Do you want to get back together with her, or are you happy to be friends. If friends is cool for you, then keep doing what you are doing. If you want more, then I would say you have gone about it the wrong way. If you are available for her, even when she is sleeping with another guy, then why should she ever have to go further with you?

    Plus I also agree, girls need learn to make themselves happy. Sounds like a tricky situation. Be honest with yourself and go from there. If you want her back, then work towards that. If not, then keep being her friend if it causes you no discomfort.

    • I want to be her friend at the moment, I am just not sure what I want or if I am ready for a relationship. Now maybe in the future yes, since she is the type of girl I want, there are certian things I don't like about her, it might change in the future. But at the moment I am looking around for what I can get. So what would you do?

  • In my opinion, no. Might as well escalate and do something with her that you shouldn't do.

    Why? Well, she's not girlfriend material anyway, so why not reinforce that thought into her head and say 'I don't think you should invest time in a relationsip until you know in your heart and mind that you want to settle down with someone?'

    A guy that makes her happy? That's what you want for her? Well, honestly it's up to HER to make HERSELF happy, not someone else. Girls need to understand that NO ONE can make them happy but themselves. And I think that is when they're more suitable to be girlfriends.

    • What? Can you explain what I can do then?

    • What can you do? I don't know dude! YOU decide, don't make me tell you what to do. Maybe that's why she broke up with you in the first place - because you always worried about making her happy and couldn't decide on courses of action to keep your relationship interesting.

      If you wanna sleep with her, do it. If you just wanna be friends, OK, do that. If you want to move on and find a different girl, hop to it. YOU are in charge of your life, not her.

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