Is it a case of ''he wants his cake and eat it too''?

OK guys. here goes: I've been in love with my friend since 5 years and it all began with him flirting with me but was too shy to be direct so I told him first. since then he's maintained a ''im confused or maybe in the future'' stance. one summer he took a step forward but back tracked after a week saying I'm just his best friend. yet the subtle hints and gestures continued [he thinks holding hands and telling me he's attracted to me all the time is very platonic].along the way he's had a few gfs, all long distance and barely last...i am of course the girl he calls his support system and the girl who gets him like no other...his words not mine. I am now moving away and even though we're "just friends''', he suggested we kiss to mark the end of an era. I sent him off telling him he has a girlfriend and this equates cheating but he justified as a Sentiment in my case given our long history and friendship and that we never shared that moment.. I thought he would snap out of it after a while but behold, a week later after watching a movie together he asked me if we were going to make out or not. I resisted him as I did the time before but so much of me was hurt and exhausted with my unrequited love [he's the only guy I've really ever loved and have never had a bf]- call it nostalgia, call it closure, I finally went for it. we ended up spending the night together [no sex, just kissing and other stuff]i knew it was no strings attached and emerged fine from it the morning after. we're normal but a) his girlfriend sitting miles away plays on my conscience even though I'm sure her days are numbered and I wasn't the one in a relationship who cheated- he was b) he's usually a lazy friend with me always chasing up on him. he's always taken me for granted but pacifies me with ''but you know you're my best friend''. I'm feeling very sensitive now especially since I'm moving away soon and more so after that night. I know he hadn't given me any new hope of us to be together but should he not be more concerned given I'm his best friend and make an effort towards me? I feel a bit used. I'm scared that ill also never get over him. so many guys like me but I just don't feel the connection with anyone. the only reason we've dragged on for 5 years is because he's always been in 2 minds about me. he s also not the kind of guy who would cheat on his girlfriend but has made me an exception, at the risk of our friendship too. Help guys.


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  • I couldn't handle this. I'm an all or nothing girl. The other girlfriends are an indication that he's not making you number one. No matter what he says, his actions speak volumes. I'd move on and try to find someone that I did have a connection with.

    After spending the night with you he had a choice. Either he ended it with the girlfriend and made you his girl or he kept seeing the girlfriend and/or different girls while you wait for him. It seems like he picked option number two since he knows he's got you tied around his finger. Tell him to beat it and find a guy who will make you the only woman, not the other woman. :)


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