Anyone ever recover from a break up that had to do with being long distance? I'm hoping for a miracle.

My ex broke up with me almost one year ago. The last year has been an emotional roller coaster.

Our relationship was good. I was completely in love with my ex. I still am unfortunately. I don't know if he has changed, but since I last talked to him, it has not seemed like that it has all that much.

I spent the last year, analyzing, comparing, coming up with ways to get my ex back. I read books. I read everything I could, to figure out what went wrong. I couldn't come up with a solution. I wrote more than 100 posts on this site, some in which responses were helpful, others in which told me to stop wasting my time.

I know my life and his life could have gone ending up on the same path, or separating completely. I just didn't know how to make the decision. I was graduating college, and he lived in Texas. He was stationed there for the coast guard, and grew up there.

During school when I was attending ASU we had started dating my sophomore year. I had met him at home in St. Louis while going home for my sister's and best friend's birthday. We had talked for a little while, and I flew back the next morning incredibly happy. I thought I had met the most amazing guy. I just couldn't believe it. --- but I was happy and although, I wasn't expecting anything to happen, things did. He came to visit me during Christmas, and I couldn't have been more excited to see him.

He was everything that I wanted. He was my best friend. And I know things were not completely perfect. Long distance for two years was hard, but not unbearable. We saw each other at least once a month. I was very happy with him. I loved him.

And then my senior year of college happened. I decided I would graduate early, and he had "thought" that maybe he would get out of the coast guard or stay in. He blamed me for not making a decision sooner, although he had mentioned he would either move to Illinois or we would figure out other plans.

We had fought almost for a month about a solution. We just couldn't seem to find a solution that fixed both of what we wanted. I wanted to be near my family. I hadn't been in two years. I was home sick, but at the last moment, I told him I would move to Texas, and he said no. Things were shaking between us a week before. I had no understanding of the situation. He wasn't being his normal self.

We broke up. He mentioned saying a ton of stuff that didn't make sense to me. This was the guy who promised he would be my best friend till the end. This was the guy who said he would always surprise me when he'd propose and I'd never expect it when it would happen.

He brought up things, that didn't make sense to me, (about how I didn't get along with his friends. ) (He couldn't do what daddy does) ... etc etc... I didn't understand why he was saying all these things that he disliked about me, that didn't come up earlier. I just didn't understand.

He was supposed to come for my birthday that week, and ended up
Updates:
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not coming. No text, nothing. Everything felt like it was crumbling. I can still remember that being probably one of the most painful experiences of my life. The feeling of where you may never end up seeing the one person you truly love ever again.
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Not ever being able to see or talk to your best friend again. Instead, I flew home for my birthday. I paid $500 for a flight and had an incredibly short weekend home. I was miserable. I was pathetic. Looking back it was one of the worst weekends of my
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life. Breathing has never been hard, until that weekend we broke up. Sleeping was existant up untill then. It's not fun to say, but I didn't sleep for months after, and I cried pretty much every day. I wish it wasn't true, but that is the sad truth.
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The last time I had try to contact him, was on my birthday. He didn't answer. I don't know what I could have done or have said to make him change his mind. He seemed changed in a way, that I had never could sense in him before. Not calling/ or even
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texting me to tell me he wasn't coming up was beyond more than anything anyone could ever say. His actions told me otherwise. The last thing he said to me was that we owed it to ourselves to do this in person, only he never came. I looked up his flight
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info and his ticket was canceled.
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I tried calling him a month later, - no response. It was then until December I talked to him on Aim. We had a decent conversation, only he was acting strangely. He was treating me like anyone else, not like his girlfriend, but what could I expect.
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(Deep down, I wish I could have fixed things sooner, I wish things would have never went the way they did. I just regret the way things ended up and how they did. Every day I believe that those things that were said and what happened should have been
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fixed. I guess I 'm just crazy -- prior to this - years before this, I believe knowing what I know now, and looking at myself from a different perspective - I would have laughed at myself and called myself pathetic for caring so much over a boy.)
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Anyways, the aim chat didn't go so well. It didnt' work. He still wasn't into getting back into a relationship.
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December came, my friend Allison had family who lived in Texas, I took it as an opportunity to fix things maybe meet in person again. It was since October had I had seen him last. I tried talking to him. And for taking advice I never really do...
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My sister told me to call him, until he picked up. It was a dumb plan (again it equaled into me looking pathetic,) He had his friend answer after the 9th try. He told me he would have married me, but he couldn't do that to me... .make me move to Texas
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and have it not work out. (After two years, I don't think you just sit there - you have to take a risk. ) I was willing to make that risk. He also said he ignored his family and his friends while dating me. He told me that he didn't even like the
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person he saw int he mirror sometimes.
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I told him I'd be going to Louisiana with Alison over break, (I had also graduated in the meantime). and then I was second guessing if I should have told him I'd be going to Houston - where he lives in the meantime. I mentioned Louisiana. And he told
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he knew what I was thinking and not to do it. And then he continued to tell me how busy he was going to be that week. I felt awful. I just couldn't handle it. It was like the conversation we had before, the same convo we had while we were breaking up.
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I felt awful anyways. I went to Texas too, only I felt too rejected, too awful, to call him while I was there. I ended up losing my phone in Louisiana as well. So much for a phone call, but I knew his phone number anyways by heart. He was "too busy" t
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to even want to begin to see me. He would have never been "too busy" before. I ended up having a lot of fun in Louisiana - prob too much fun. I decided to not take any photos or upload them to facebook at all.
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My friend Allison did. and her brother loves to fish (we went up galveston - where he lives next to the strip) It was a different experience. I missed him none the less. She took pictures - even though I knew he would recognize where we were on faceboo
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I guess it didnt' matter. After Allison posted the pictures he wrote - the word "apathetic" on his wall as a status. I knew he saw the pictures.
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It still didn't do anything.
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I waited until February 14th and then I deleted him as a friend. I was just upset. And then in March I wrote him a note that said " I know you probably don't want to talk to me, I don't want to lose you completely, even if that means just being facebook
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"friends."
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He readded me. Two days later. He wrote on his wall. "I'd go back, but it's just too late." as his status. And then two days later. He wrote If I see another ASU sticker or Illinois license plate I'm gooing to loose it. I'm an idiot stop reminding
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me.


And then I sent him message, and wrote him, asking him what his status was about, and then he ignored me. It took him weeks to respond. to one question. I basically got nothing out of him.
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I just got mad. I stopped talking to him.
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And then in July - I just got angry. I had two beers (I'm a light weight) I know. I was a little drunk and sent him a massive text.
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June 11I don’t care how much you think I didn’t care or whatever sh*t happened. I think you should have came to visit. I have had 8 months to think it over, and everyday I think it was a mistake. I don’t understand anything. I don’t understand that
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that message you put on your wall. You made me believe things would work out between you and I, and you won’t even give me a chance. I mean does it give you satisfaction to know that I still want you and love you even after 8 months.
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This was the sh*ttiest thing. And I know and I’ve learned that telling you someone how they feel doesn’t necessarily mean anything will happen. I know that it won’t. I miss you and think about you everyday.
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And yes I have had two beers and feel drunk. You meant so much to me. And all I’ll ever believe you’ll do after this is feel happy that I miss you and you don’t miss me.
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Things used to be so easy until everything went so wrong. And the sad thing is I have to tell you this via text message. Never in my life would I believe things would be the way they are now.
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I’m not miserable or stupid. I know how to get what I want in life. I just don’t understand. And I’m scared sh*tless that I have to tell you these things.
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And I don’t expect a response back. You have no idea what I’ve felt.
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This is f***ing stupid. And I’m probably never going to hear from you again. I’m also probably going to regret sending this also.
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Why can’t you just give me an explanation. I feel like I still deserve an explanation.


I’m not asking for anything in return. I just want to know why.

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Ryan

I’ll call you tomorrow.


I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk.

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June 12: 3:55pm


Michelle

Hey are we really going to talk or were you just saying that?


Ryan

We are I’ll call you tonight

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Michelle

Well around what time?


Ryan

9 or so


Michelle

K

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Michelle 6:58pm

Hey if your not at work do you want to skype instead?


Ryan

I’m not at home I’m in Katy with my parents.


Michelle

Ok

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Ryan: 9:08pm

It’s probably going to be later. Something came up.


Michelle

Well I’ll be out, but I’ll try to answer.


Ryan

Ok

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And then when he did call me. I had to call him. I asked him if he cheated on me. He said no. He said all that happened was that we were two people who fell in love and it didn't work out. That was his excuse. He was mean about it. He made me feel
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like everything that he ever said to me was a lie. I had to talked to this person everyday from video chat, to on the phone for almost two hours everday. He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him. He just seemed like he didn't care
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It was another miserable experience. I cried. I yelled. I made a fool out of myself. I later apologized with a facebook message.
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He also mentioned that moving from a l.d. relationship to something physically close was something he wasn't/couldn't do. It only took him so long to figure it out.
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Here is the message I sent him.Thank you for talking to me last night. I appreciate it, even if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to (while we were dating). I understand your reasoning for things, and I just needed to hear the truth.
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I feel like I can finally stop thinking about things, stop wondering why things happened the way they did, and move on. Again, I thank you for that. I really did need that.
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And sorry if I was really intense. I realize I was really kind of emotional at the same time, and I didn't want to be. It is just a sore subject to talk about. And fyi its a subject I won't be bringing up again.
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I just hope this won't make things even weirder than they already are. I didn't want to make it out to be. I just really hope one day down the road we can have a normal conversation and still laugh about things we always used to laugh about.
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That was sent on June 3. I didn't expect to hear anything from him ever again at that point. I cried when I didn't get a response, but what can I expect.
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JULY 4 (That's his birthday). I didn't wish him a happy birthday. I did stalk his facebook profile quite a bit. A lot of people wished him happy birthday. I was in Colorado with my family on vacation at the time. His status " Thanks for the birthday
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wishes, just wish I could have spent it in Texas." I accidentally "liked" the status. How? My phone has internet, and yes I was stalking his profile, he's a 4th of July baby. So yeah. that is what happened. I woke up to shut my alarm clock off with
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the touch screen. little did I know I still had his profile clicked onto my phone and then I had accidentally liked his status that he couldn't spend his birthday where he wanted too. but then again I hadn't spent my birthday the way that I had wanted
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to.
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I unliked the status as quick as I could.
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Months went by... nothing happened. I expected never to hear from him again and then he facebook messaged me.


I was going to treat him, just how he treated me in the past.
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Formally.
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July 20th: 11:08pm


Ryan: Hey

Michelle: Hey

Ryan: What's up?

Michelle: Nm, how's Dillion and the family? (he usually started asking me how my family was doing so I did the same, formal crap that he played with usually.)
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Michelle

Hey sorry about your grandma…. R you ok?

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Ryan

I just wish I could have been there. The funeral was today and I was the only one not there. I guess it comes with the job being away from the ones you love.

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Michelle

Oh… yeah that must really be rough… that sucks that they didn’t let you fly back.

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Ryan

I couldn’t have even if I tried. It has to be like your parent or sibling for them to let you go. Michelle I miss you. I miss my best friend.

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Michelle

Oh… I’m really sorry about your grandma. I missed you too…. But it just sounded like you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know what to say.

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Ryan

Neither do I. I want you as a friend but it’s hard to do, let you know I’m in pain, and it kills me knowing that you might be in the slightest pain. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do please.

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Michelle

I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. I wish you weren’t in pain. I wish you could be with your family. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. Loosing someone must be extremely hard.

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Michelle

I really am sorry for your loss.
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Ryan

Thanks for the support. You have always been there. It is good to have people support you.

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July 22: 9:59pm


Michelle

Hey you doin ok?

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Ryan: No response
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July 29: 8:00pm


Michelle

Hey


Ryan

Hey

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Michelle

How’ve you been?


Ryan

Decent glad to be home. How are you?


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Michelle

I’m pretty good. So what’s new? I feel like I haven’t “really” talked to you in forever.


Ryan

Ya sorry about that one night.

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Michelle

Oh. Yeah that’s ok…. I guess you were just upset.


Ryan

But nothing really is new. I live a pretty boring life. Work work work.

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Ryan

Thanks for putting up with my bs.


Michelle

For what? That one night?

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Ryan

Yeah, and any other night I’ve called you p*ss ass drunk.


Michelle

Don’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ve gotten any calls really….


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Ryan

What have you been up to?


Michelle

Not much. I’ve been working a lot too. I usually get a lot tired now that I work. It eats up a lot of the free time I’m used to having.

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Ryan

I totally get it. I’m at work more than I am at my own house.


Michelle

Yeah. I guess that can kind of suck. I went to Ohio for two days. Still like my house better.

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Ryan

Sounds fun not to one up you or anything, but I just spent the last 5 weeks in South Carolina and between you and me I never want to go back. I’d rather live back in Mississippi than there.

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Michelle

Really what did you not like about it so much?

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Ryan

The people plus I didn’t have my truck and I couldn’t go anywhere, wait that might have been something to do with it.


Michelle

That could possibly have something to do with it. I hated not having a car.

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Ryan

Yeah I was stuck on base and there was nothing on base except a bat.


Michelle

Doesn’t sound that entertaining. My brother went there over the summer. I think he kind of seemed to like it though.

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Ryan

I’m sure it’s not that bad, but it was a long 5 weeks, and I was ready to get home and sleep in my own bed. Plus I missed my great grandma’s funeral and Chase’s 1st birthday.


Michelle

Oh yeah, that really does suck.

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Ryan

Yep


Michelle

So anything else new? You dating anyone?


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Ryan

Nope haven’t since you.

Michelle

Yeah I haven’t either.

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Michelle

Well it’s been a while since we actually kinda talked. I’m gald we did a little. It’s nice to know your doing well.


Ryan

Yeah def.

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August 4: 5:25pm Text Message
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Michelle

Hey


Can we video chat sometime? I thought it might not be that big of a deal…. If we are attempting to be friends after all. It’s just a question you can say no if you don’t want to.

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9:30pm

Ok guess that is a no. That’s cool just don’t answer. Whatever.

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Ryan

Sorry I’m at work. Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Maybe next week sometime. We can do that I think that would be cool.


Michelle

Ok I’ll hold you to it then.

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Ryan

Please do.


Michelle

K

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August 9: 6:16pm
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Michelle

Hey ya busy? Wanna video chat?


Ryan

I work till Wednesday afternoon maybe then or Thursday

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Michelle

Yeah Wednesday would work. Thursday might work…. I just have to work late that night.

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August 11: 7:18pmMichelle Hey are you going to be up late tonight? I might not be getting back to my house until 9. Did you still want to video chat or wait until tomorrow? (My mom was getting surgery on her breast that day I
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couldn't talk. The doctors didn't know if it was cancer.)

It was not cancer, we found out a week or two later after tests. There was soemthing else that was wrong.
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Ryan

Tomorrow is better for me.


Michelle

Ok.


Talk to you then.

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August 12: 7:15pm


Michelle

Hey are you online?


Ryan

No I’m eating dinner give me thirty minutes or so.

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Michelle

Ok.


Ryan

I’m online.


Michelle

Ok do you have skype or still use aim?


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Ryan

No clue what skype even is.


Michelle

Oh… OK gotcha….


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So on AUGUST 11, we talk, he cries, and is drinking on video chat. He is the same old Ryan I fell in love with. He keeps on saying how he wants to talk about how he really feels.
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He says he wants us to be together but in the same place. and that I was all that he ever wanted, and that he was an idiot for letting me go. He continues to tell me he wants to talk on next Tuesday. And is happy about it. He then says good bye.
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Next Tuesday, I'm unable to talk. I get hold of him Wendedaay, he doesn't want to video chat. The first thing that he says is " I think that we should just be friends." and leaves at that. I'm devastated.
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I don't know what to do... I just pretended to be fine with it, and he continues to almost talk the whole way through the conversation as I'm trying to fight back my tears. I wanted to tell him that being friends is going to be hard.
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I text him/ call him again.. I texted him saying that I didn't get to say everything that I had wanted to say.
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I break my promise of never trying to speak of attempting to be in a realtionship with him again.


I send him anothe rfacebook message
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Well... This is what I wanted to say.


I just want you to know that I am fine with being just friends or whatever, and this isn't easy for me, so you're going to have to bare with me. I'm not going to lie when I say this...
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The idea of you dating someone else, or even knowing about it... It's going to hurt. Thinking that your going to want to be with someone else one day really kills me...
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I just wish it was me. And you know that.


Huh. Let's just pretend I never sent that. Thanks a billion. Later.

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And then I texted him a few days later. asked him if he wanted to talk again.


He said yes


and then rescheduled the next two weeks. and ignored me when the last one came down to it.
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So that is it. That is what it has come down to.


August 2010 he says he is still in love with me, and then ignores the crap out of me.


It' s October now. And October 27 is the day we broke up, so cheers to that.


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Will he ever come back? I don't know.. I hate to think that he is going to be with someone else. It hurts. I just hope one day I'm able to find someone that is a better friend, a beter boyfriend, and that I'll find someone I click wi
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th more than I was ever able to click with than while with him.


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I don't know what to do?



I want him back... That is my goal. I love him, and I want him back in my life.



Any advice besides move on?
Anyone ever recover from a break up that had to do with being long distance? I'm hoping for a miracle.
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