My husband cheated on me twice...

My husband and I were together for 10yrs…we were both virgins…he is the only person I’ve ever been with. 3yrs ago he cheated on me…and he begged me to take him back,…so I did because everyone deserves a second chance and because I love him. 2yrs ago we got married…and our daughter was born 8months ago…he left me again when she was barely 3months old…he packed his things and moved out…I found out he was with someone else...2months ago he started coming by more and more often…and now he wants to work things out…but I am so afraid that he will do this again…and I'm so hurt I don’t love him the same…why is he doing this now?! I've tried moving on and he's making it more difficult for me…he says he loves me and can't be w someone else other then me …but I find that so hard to believe when clearly he can dispose of me so easily…any advice is so appreciated…


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sweetheart, my husband cheated on me three times - two of them were my girlfriends. By that time, I'd had four children. What was I going to do? No money - no resources.. Nothing.. You have a young daughter and have the chance to start new in another direction. You can't trust this man. He will chip away at your self esteem and make you feel horrible about yourself for accepting such behavior. He is lying when he says he won't do it again.. WHY? Because you already took him back once.. and gave him "unwritten permission" to screw you over. You give me a comfy house - dinner on the table - all those things which he loves and is not looking forward to giving up. But he can't give up chasing women, either. You guys were young when you married ( I was 21) and he's sampling some fun stuff. He's not mature. Period. And, yes, you are right in thinking if he loved YOU and ONLY YOU - respected your relatoinshi and your family - he would NEVER think about doing anything to jeopardize that. NOTHING. BIgger than this - WHAT example are you setting for your daughter? You teach her that it's OK to forgive the man who is supposed to love/support/respect/honor her who cheats on her? Sweetheart - I know this is tough to hear... But he has no respect for you. Have enough for ALL OF YOU.. You and your daughter - Kick him out. Tell him to pack his stuff and get out. Maybe time alone will clean him up. But this way? He gets everything he wants - both of best Worlds... so to speak.. and he continues to do what he wants without ANY accountablity to YOU. Please don't let him do that. DEMAND THAT HE GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING.. If you suspect he's lying there - or refusing to go? You have your answer. Your marriage is over. I wish you the best. . But PLEASE promise yourself that YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER deserve far more than this selfish, immature, irresponsible, cheater ( liar) is giving you. If you don't do this - expect another ride on that roller coaster. I was engaged to another guy.. off/on for 4 yrs. He would NOT stop cheating... He swore he loved me and me alone. Blah blah blah.. I told myself that I could not live with a man who had so much disrespect for me. Just couldn't do it. I'd rather be happy and hold my head high with solid self esttem and confidence than with a loser who would never be there for me. PS I waited til my last kid graduated college and divorced my husband. That was a long time. Don't waste your life, Sweetie. Be with a man who ADORES YOU and ONLY YOU! HUGZ

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What Guys Said 1

  • While there's the chance of change, a person's past behavior is always a great hint as to what to expect in the future. You did a great thing by giving a second chance--one that the man should have redeemed himself with. But as you said, he just disappears again and heads out with another woman even when there's a newborn in the picture. That's pretty god awful already.

    Personally, I believe you should find yourself another man who's worthy of your care and affection; one that doesn't ditch whenever there's another woman around. I can say that I speak from a kid's POV as my father cheated on my mother around 5-6 times and she kept taking him back. He made his permanent exit when I was 10. Do yourself a favor and don't put you and your daughter through this scenario!

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What Girls Said 3

  • you are right...everyone deserves a second chance, but when he does it more than once he is just showing you his true colors. Keep yourself distant, he isn't going to be happy with just one woman it seems.

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  • I say take him back and see what happens. You have a daughter you need to think of. It's OK to open up to him eventually but you need to be strict on your values in the relationship. If he's not up to par then you two are done. And don't listen to the Donkey he's an a*s

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  • I'm in a similar situation, so I feel the pain you are going through. The second time though, it sounds as if he felt the relationship was over, he did pack up and leave. You have a lot invested in this - you guys are married and have a child. I would start having talks with him and have both of you really think about your relationship and what went wrong. If you decide to stay, it may be a good idea to get some counseling. You could just cut your losses and leave, but you may wonder what would have happened had you tried everything you could to work it out.

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