How do I know if it's time to end a relationship when nothing is obviously wrong?

Nothing is horribly wrong with my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been going out for over 4 years, and we go to the same university now. Over the past year or so she has seemed less happy and outgoing. I've gone through a whole thing with trying to get her back to her happy-go-lucky self but it's just not working. Now it's just not as fun as it used to be, and everything seems so routine and planned.

Not that anything is wrong with us, we love each other and get along all the time for the most part. The problem is that she isn't all that fun to be around anymore...just tolerable. Sometimes it's fantastic, but not always. The reason I think maybe it's not good for me anymore is because now more and more seems to bother her and upset her, and she just becomes so much less fun to be around. When this happens, I find myself wanting to be around other girls, a lot. Then I find myself being physically attracted to girls I normally felt nothing for. It's like I feel as though I'm single.

Is it unfair to me, or her, or both of us at this point? I feel bad but I can't control my feelings, I love my girlfriend a lot and I love being around her, but now other girls are just that much more fun to be around. It's a frustrating situation.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If the fire's out babyyyyy, then how you gonna keep me warm

    I think it's a tough call. There are bumps in the road for every relationship. There will be periods of time where you feel like something's missing, but that's when it becomes both of your choice to either say "Okay I quit" or try to rekindle that spark and excitement.

    I spent two years with a guy, and after the first year I started to realize he didn't make me feel the same way. He didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to do anything other than work and sit at home. I stuck it out for another six months and tried to see if it would get better, when it didn't work I took the bitch way out and started cheating. It was wrong and there's no excuse but my reasoning was that I was really afraid of losing that comfort and security of our boring old relationship, while also very much yearning for the excitement that I remembered. So straight into someone else's arms I went. I felt terrible, finally ended up breaking up with him and trying to be friends. Lovers to friends is a hard task though and so far it's not going so well.

    What I'm trying to say is if you truly love her then explain to her how you feel and tell her you gotta both work your asses off to reconnect, or call it quits. Don't let it get to that point where you end up cheating out of weakness and desperation for something new and fun.

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    • Thank you (at least for not assuming that I'm just a jackass making excuses for myself).

      I really really enjoy being around her when she is happy and outgoing. She's the best. But more often than not she is just mopey and sad now.

      I don't think I'd ever cheat, but just the idea of someone else is nice now. Again, only when she isn't being the person I feel like I started dating 4 years ago. I think maybe we've fallen into a passive relationship, just accepting each-other.

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    • She is acting like a different person than the girl you initially got involved with, it would be a shame to find out later on that this was something rough she was going through and perhaps by then she'll have been over it and back to the awesome girl you knew and you will have missed out and possibly regret it.

      I wish you luck. Cliche, but if you allow your true feelings to do the decision making, you can't go wrong.

    • She doesn't know the meaning of relaxation. She is way more fun in the summertime. She holds a 4.0 GPA like her life depends on it. She is working on a paper tonight that isn't due until November 20th. We couldn't hang out because she needed to do it now. The scary part is when we graduate, there won't be a summer time. I feel like her work will become her life and this will always be the way she is. I know I should tell her these things, but I love her and it would break her heart to hear it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should try to do something spontateous with your girlfriend,

    like something you and her haven't done before.

    If that doesn't work,

    then it's time to have a talk with her and reevaluate the relationship.

    and yes, 4 years is a long time,

    but that doesn't mean you absolutely have to stay in a relationship that has no chemistry anymore.

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  • Are you sure it's her that not being fun? It sounds like you are the one with the issues and that you're ready to date other girls since you've never really been with anyone else. 4 years is a long time

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    • She doesn't ever want to do anything. She sleeps constantly and never wants to go out places. I'm pretty sure it's her not being fun. I don't know where the idea that it's me comes from. I've been with other girls before our relationship too.

    • It just sounds like you're tired of her and want to move on to other girls and just making excuses about her

    • I don't see how it's an excuse...it will be a Friday night and I ask her if she would like to go out to a movie. She will say she's tired and would rather just get to bed early. The same thing happens for weeks and weeks in a row. I ask her to do all kinds of different things and she just isn't interested.

      That's not an excuse, it's fact. I can't lie about that, I ask her to do stuff and she is uninterested.

      I knew I shouldn't have included the part about other women becoming more interesting.

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