He was fighting back tears when I left him how do I deal with it?

Well i was with a great guy for 4 years up untill last night when i told him it was over the thing is when i got him over he was so excited because we dont see eachother too often but when i sat him down i saw him change because i think he knew what was commimg all i can see in my head is the moment i could see he was trying to be cool about it and said he wasn't crying when i asked but he didn't notice the tears roling down his cheek when i told him he looked away and said he didn't want me to see him like this but it was too late anyway i told him he had to go since it would be weird if he stayed and i gave him a hug my top was wet after, he hasn't done a thing wrong but i just felt no spark with him anymore, i text him to make sure he's okay he replies but not in the happy way i felt before, i feel like a monster especially since i was his first girlfriend his first kiss and his first time having sex i love him but i can't be commited anymore, i mean should i ask him to be friends with benefits or just not contact him, i feel like right now he's a danger to himself since last night after he left my friends saw him drinking heavily at a local bar and try to drive luckily he couldnt but i know he used to self harm before he wad with me i helped him stop , as i write this i feel more and more guilty but if there's no spark why bother?
He was fighting back tears when I left him how do I deal with it?
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