Why is my boyfriend acting like this? Should I try to make it work or break up?

so my boyfriend lasted almost 2 weeks without talking to me. I had no idea throughout this time why he was ignoring me. Then it turned out he was upset because I did not go with him to 2 events that he invited me to which one was a party at his college. When we finally spoke he told me how he doesn't like that I never go out with him to meet his friends and stuff but I don't purposely do it and I've told him this before...the reason he so upset is because in our last big argument it was that I wasn't spending enough time with him and his family and now its about friends. After we spoke and got everything out in the open I slept over his apt and we had sex. But then when he left me home the next day he was still acting upset and told me to give him time to get over it...its been 2 days already and he still holding on to this...idk what to do should I just leave him alone...or actually end it?...we have 3 years together he's 20 I'm 18...

ps my boyfriend is a great boyfriend its just he sucks at handling issue when he's mad he like shutting people out and not talking about it


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey there,

    I'm actually kind of going through the same thing with the girl I like, so maybe I can give you my perspective on the situation.

    Last week I asked the girl I liked to come to my 21st birthday party at my house. The night before we got drunk and I was messing with her and said "You're not coming tomorrow." I was completely messing with her but I didn't suspect her to come either way. The next day at work she said "I'm not coming, last night you told me I wasn't invited". I didn't want to argue with her because she knew I was joking, and that night she ended up seriously not coming to my house. While it may not have meant a lot to her, it meant a lot to me that she come. I had friends asking where she was and what was I supposed to say? It doesn't make her look good (in my opinion), but I didn't let bother me.

    We haven't talked in over a week (she told someone we work with she thinks I'm mad at her, which I'm not really anymore, but NOW I don't feel as though it's my responsibility to bend over backwards for her anymore. She messed up, so if she wants things to work out, it's on her (I don't suspect they will, I've never had a girl chase me, so why would she be any different?)

    What I'm getting at is that guys (me anyways) might expect you to do something you don't want to do, I know she didn't want to come (she didn't know anyone and it would be awkward) but relationships are give and take. It obviously meant a lot to him or he wouldn't be acting like this. I know my birthday last week meant a TON to me, so maybe it meant a lot to him that you went with him.

    He'll eventually drop the grudge. Don't give up on him (especially if he's a great boyfriend) yet. Until then, my suggestion would be to give him the attention and not expect him to do so for you. Hope this helps.

    • I just don't understand why he can't let it go and just let things get back to normal we spoke already and said what we were gonna do so why drag this out for so long and make it harder on the both of us?

      i love him but when do I know the difference of fighting for our love and doing what he wants and him just being a jerk ?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Oh, girl. I feel for you so much. I spent years with someone who was equally horrible with conflict. Let me tell you, unless he is willing to do major, MAJOR work on himself, it will not get any better. When you don't really work through issues effectively they just grow and grow until there are just too many to deal with. I know it's hard. For me, it was about 3 years into the relationship that we started to really have these issues about him bailing whenever there was an argument. I stayed for 3 more years because we really did love each other, but I really regret it. I saw the warning signs and ignored them for a long time, and I will never get that time back. It is horrible to feel like you're alone, but it is unexcusable to feel alone when you have a partner. They are supposed to be there for you no matter what argument you are going through. In my experience, consistently gettting shut out will really take a toll on your self-esteem and make you really start to questions yourself in a horrbile way. You will begin to let more things slide to avoid conflict and pretty soon you will have no say and become the doormat. For me, whatever scenario had actually bothered me would never actually get dealt with because it always turned into why he couldn't talk to me about it. I understand that some people have a very, very hard time dealing with intimacy and conflict, however, to continue to ignore your feelings whenever he feels like it is childish, selfish, and manipulative. And I promise you it is not love. Not that he doesn't think he loves you, but continuing to do something to someone when it is known that it hurts them is not the love I'm sure you want. I feel for you, but worry that this situation can only get worse. Life will only get more complicated (marriage, kids, careers) and you can't build a life with someone who will go MIA whenever it is tough. Marriage vows say for better or worse, and I doubt this guy will ever stand by you like that. Find a grown man who has the confidence to talk to you about your feelings and I promise you will be so much happier.

  • omg I know exactly what you are going through. my boyfriend won't tell me when I do something wrong he just blows up about it like a week later. I'm just as confused as you are! lol


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