Why am I still thinking of ex 9 months post BU & 6 months NC?

So I don't know man. I broke up with my ex nine months ago because he was starting to disrespect me, lie, and not care anymore. I'm 19 and he's 24. One of the main reasons why I left because he pressured me a lot sexually. I'm a virgin as he isn't. He got mad at me for not returning oral sex and sex assaulted. Anyways, he was the first person (first relationship) I opened up to. I also have anxiety and depression, so the breakup was very hard because I don't have many close ftiends. I've been going to therapy since September, and I've also improved my makeup, applied to nursing school, go out, and met new guys. However.. everyday I think about him. I miss him.. and I don't even know why. After the breakup, I learned more about narcissism and feel like he was one. I don't want him back, but I want to talk to him... see how he is doing. I don't know if it's the empathetic in me. I know you're thinking "Girl he hurt you!" But there's some things I want to get off my chest. I feel like I'm at a better place emotionally.

He contacted me three times after the breakup. He wanted to see me in October, but I asked him his intentions and he ignored me. He then last called in December during my final exams, but I ignored him. And nothing since then. It just makes kind of upset because he still talks to an ex who cheated on him.. so I don't know.
Why am I still thinking of ex 9 months post BU & 6 months NC?
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