I broke up with my shitty boyfriend, what now?

I was in this relationship for 8 months, things got serious pretty fast (I know his entire family, friends and we’ve traveled together) to be honest, he was a shitty boyfriend, he made me feel bad about the fact that I wasn’t a virgin when I met him (Knowing I was raped), he made me feel bad about my career (I’m a law student) saying it was all about corruption and blah blah, he wouldn’t let me go out with my friends, and whenever he was moody he took it all on me. He always apologized but still. So one day, I don’t know how, I just snapped out of it and broke up with him, I tried to be very gentle and told him he was an amazing person an all, and he was so cold, telling me things he knew they were going to hurt me. I think I deserved a little more, but whatever.
is it bad that I don’t feel anything right now? I’m not even sad, maybe a little angry but that’s all. I haven’t even checked any of his social media accounts. My life went straight to what it was before I met him. Are feelings going to hit me all at once at some point or what? also, should I give him his stuff back? I just have a couple of t shirts and his perfume (if I do I wouldn’t have to see hin, just his doorman)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Learn your lessons from this experience. This is not HIS fault. YOU allowed this to happen. Listen to what you said: "he wouldn’t let me go out with my friends." Unless he locked you up, he could not control you like this without your cooperation. Don't be a victim; take responsibility and then take charge!

    2. You have absolutely no duty to return anything that was given to you as a gift. You absolutely must return anything that was loaned to you.

    3. I wrote a myTake bout moving forward after a break up: Breaking up: you may want to die. . . but you won't, so do yourself a favor and deal with it! ↗

    4. In May last year, I broke up with a lady I dated for two years. She was mostly a good person but did not love me and she sometimes took advantage of my devotion to her. When I finally broke up with her, I was mad at myself but the break had been developing over months and I did not have any sudden traumatic impact. This may impact you gradually over the next year, so don't be in a rush to get into another serious relationship.

    5. I have been practicing law for 32 years. I sometimes hear criticisms about "all lawyers are crooked." I always respond, "Well, then, I guess it's good that some honest people want to go into that profession and make it better."

    Good luck!

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What Guys Said 49

  • You deserve so much better than his disrespectful crap. Sounds like he had some serious issues, all his behaviour raises a red flag. It's good that you ended it, just return his stuff to the doorman and take some time for yourself before dating again. Most likely your feelings come up sooner or later, take time to go through them and put the relationship to rest. Later when you decide to date again, make sure the guy appreciates who you are and what you do. All the best!

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  • First thing I would do is block his number and on all social media. The perfume id say keep because it has utility. Bit really you want to get rid of everything that reminds you of him.

    Take some time for yourself. Be single and independent for awhile before dating again. Reconnect with old friends and family you haven't seen in awhile. Always staying busy is key.

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    • she's not sad she feels normal. she's asking if that is normal.

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    • Lol make it up for variety

    • Then... probably not normal. Delayed reaction to emotional distress. It does happen though.

  • Did u ever love this person. What did you learn from the relationship?

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    • I did, but maybe I stopped loving him long before I ended things, I don’t know! And I learnt I should not give people that many chances, also, That I should put myself first, be a little more firm when I want something

    • Good! "There are no heart breaks only lessons"... Big Sean

  • Sounds like a weird forced relationship.

    If both of you were so unhappy this looks like it was long over.

    Not saying who was right wrong without knowing both, but now that you have moved on, it'll be easy to use this break to start working on yourself/your life.

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  • first of all, give his all stuff back, and yes, it will be hard for you, it is very possible that your feelings will hit you all at once, but no matter what happens, dont give up, dont give that motherfucker any second chance, Just realize and accept, that he's a big asshole, who will destroy your life, no matter what happens, and how many times you die from inside, dont go back to him, he was using you and ruining your life, you deserve wayy much better than him

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  • Move onto someone better. Your feelings might hit you like a truck, but you're better and smarter than you were 8 months ago, so everything you've learned will make things easier for you and for dating. You have a better idea of what you like in a guy, and you'll raise your standards of how you want to be treated. A little side advice: Dont let any man rush a relationship. The words "I love you" can go really right, or really wrong, depending on how well you two know each other and get along

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  • It's not uncommon to feel like a weight has been lifted after a break up as opposed to feeling bad.

    BUT remember 99.9% of women are attracted to jerks, cheaters, beaters, and obnoxious jerks because of height, skin color, and other stupid reasons.
    Try to get that out of your thoughts when you go for another guy.

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    • Funny thing, I’m not one of them! If I see a red flag I don’t ignore it, I just didn’t find anything wrong with him at first, and when I did it was too late. It’s just weird, I don’t know how he managed to keep me for so long, it has never happened to me before

  • Enjoy being single and remember to learn from this experience. I sure your worth more than how he treated you. I hope you didn't lose your friends over him. If you did I'm sure if you reach out they will be there for you. Otherwise there lose as they couldnt have been good friends if they let you go especially if you reach out.

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  • U will feel bad sad and shitty because you do not know what exactly had happened in ur brain when you were in relationship and why u feel shitty..

    It is just the dopaine and endorphine in ur mind. They are missing, you feel the void... but with time the mind will regulate it again.

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  • Wow.. those are sometimes the hardest to get out of. Take some time to yourself, dont force a new relationship. Be you, grow and when you find someone you like while being you... take a shot when the time is right. Hopefully the new one is supportive of you!

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  • I think you're more relieved to leave someone like that. A boyfriend should be somone who is supportive of you, no matter your past or occuptation. I'd give him his stuff back just so you don't have to see him later at your doorstep.

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    • That is true. My last boyfriend at college did cheat on me but I dump him. To move on to the better guy that I met on facebook.

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    • The immaturity is striking even harder the more I talk to you. 😂

    • No, u am not one the bitch

  • Sounds like a horrible guy, but he should still get his stuff back. I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. Hope life looks up for you.

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  • It would be nice if you return his stuff and the emotion may hit you but you have to make decisions that are best for you.

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  • Stay away from a relationship for some while... make a few friends... Introspect yourself... Carve out some outlines for goals...
    Make yourself better... stay happy 😁

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  • Chill and focus on law school. Keep in mind you won't be able to represent or prosecute later though ;)

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  • Just cut him out of your life, get out have some fun, enjoy your life. You will meet someone new. Just don't forget to love yourself.

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  • Give his things back if he ask for it. I dont think you will feel bad, because you probably dont love him anymore

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  • Well I'd be incredibly happy for ending a relationship with a shitty girlfriend, so no, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I didn't ever feel bad for it.

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  • Well my opinion relates in a lot of ways but its too long to explain on here but I would just throw his stuff away if I were you.

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  • Giving his stuff back is the civilized thing to do. plus I think u should start dating. If feelings come they will also go. good luck with your decision though

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  • If you were already not enjoying the relationship then its perfectly fine to not feel bad about breaking up.

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  • When someone you love doesn't support your goals or won't let you have fun, you don't need him.

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  • Pick yourself up and move on. You're better off without him.

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  • You should give his stuff back and start dating to make sure, you were ready to face the feelings when they hit you !
    but it looks good now.

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  • If you want to move on, give him his stuff. If you keep it, You're leaving a door open.

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  • You might not feel anything past the anger you feel due to how he treated you. Can you say you ever loved him?

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    • Yeah, I loved him but I feel like at some point I stopped being in love, more like tied down

    • That might work to your advantage now. You may not need a mourning period. Do you mind messaging me privately

  • They might not hit you at all. Yeah give him his stuff what is the point of keeping it.

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  • Wow. if you don't feel bad by now you probably never loved him
    Your young move on, you haven'tey Mr Right yet. good luck

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  • congrats on getting out of that shit. You'll find a so much better dude

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  • Just fuck anything that walks. You'll feel better after a few.

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    19

What Girls Said 13

  • I broke up with my ex already 4 months ago and I still don't feel sadness. I think sometimes you don't get that feeling. Especially when you weren't happy in a relationship and have prepared yourself for the break-up.
    I also know from a friend of mine who was in an emotional abusive relationship years ago. He said that he never felt sadness. Not even after a while. Enjoy your single life for now!

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  • It’s ok if you don’t feel sad. He was an asshole and dear lord what a douche. I would cut all contact of with him , have one of your friends give him back his stuff and get your shit back. But this is a classic abuser and girl you will get better with time and just take time for yourself.

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  • Give him his stuff back to the doorman. Don’t say anything, just put his name on the bundle.

    Not sure why you’d say he’s amazing cuz it sounds like a lie. He wasn’t amazing.

    You don’t feel anything because you don’t care.. and for good reason.

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  • Sounds like he didn't deserve you anyway.

    You might be sad in a couple weeks, but thats normal cus you built bonds w him.

    I think you did the right thing.

    Give it back, if he asks. Whats a couple of T shirts anyway.

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  • He treated you like shit, it's very likely that you won't feel any sadness over it. Now you can finally breathe.

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  • he was a turd. i imagine you should feel about as changed as flushing the toilet. it is normal to not be sad. in my opinion

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  • It makes sense that you weren't happy with him. He treated you very badly so you didn't lose too much value when you got rid of that abusive guy.

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  • I think you fell out of love for him since he treated you so badly. I don't think your reaction or lack thereof is weird at all

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  • Wow he sounds like a douche. Trust me hun you'll move on real quick. You dont need to feel bad

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  • Just focus on you. I'm sorry u had to go through that. That's terrible.

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  • Find a holy perfumed one.

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  • I don't think you need to give the stuff back, he gave it to you so i wouldn't think he expects it back. And that's awesome you dont feel anything! Sounds like he was a total jerk so now you can move forward and find someone worthy

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  • Maybe you don’t feel bad because your body is subconsciously releasing stress from ending your abusive relationship with him.

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