Cheating isn't cheating if you're honest?

I'm having a debate with my guy friend about the relativity of cheating. Personally I can get over cheating as long as you don't lie to me about it. Which he says isn't cheating if I know and consent. I just hate liars and would rather know you're straying rather than be hurt by the lies and feel betrayed. So is cheating still cheating if you're honest about it and your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't oppose?

For example: David and Liv are in a committed relationship. Liv knows that David has had problems with cheating in the past. Liv doesn't see sex as a big deal as long as he's honest about it and doesn't jeopardize her health. She doesn't feel the need to stray although she is open to bringing someone in the bed with them but is comfortable enough with David that she doesn't see simple sex as betrayal on his part. Honesty is more important to her.

What are your opinions on this type of relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Put it this way, if someone you love dies in a car crash are you crushed? Yes... would it help if you watched them die in a car crash? Hell no! Watching something happen makes nothing better, infact you'd feel more helpless since you have to watch the person you love go off with someone else and you can't do anything about that! Would it be called cheating? That is up for debate really, if it's a closed relationship (exclusive or whatever) Yes it's cheating. If it's an open relationship (allowed to see other people) then no, but that is because open relationships clearly define at the start what you are getting into. If someone says sure I'll go out with you, then decides they want to sleep with other people it is cheating

    What do I think about that type of relationship?

    I don't see how it can work, she would be caught up in it because she likes him so much, and basically has to watch a guy who only wants sex and to use girls screw her over. Liv might not see sex as betrayal, but wouldn't that make sex between the two partners (Liv and David) pretty much as worthless as the sex he has with anyone else. It would mean either his partner wasn't 'good' in his opinion so he needs someone else to satisfy him, or that he doesn't care about his partner more than he cares about sex. Which is rather sad, since sex is easy to find in comparison to finding someone who can actually put up with you for the rest of their life.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • cheating is cheating weither your honest about it or not. it still a betrayal of trust even if just happened one time . it was something that happened behind the back of someone that their supposed to care for.

    believe me anyone that says their OK with that kind of thing is as sick menetally as the one that

    committed the cheating. in that kind of relationship (if you could call it that?) how do you trust anything else they may say or do.

    well honey to be honest I used your little derringer that you have for personal protection and used it in a stick up and honey because I used your darringer and your finger prints are on iyt to it sort of makes you a co conspiritor in the theift but ya I'm being honest about it with you. and honey because you supported me so well by agreeing with my use of your darringer you may go to jail with me. oh I forgot the biggest part in that theift I had to shot someome so you may even be tried for murder if the poor sap dies.

    admittedly the above may be alittle rash but sort of states the trend and thought lines. because eventually all it brings is trouble . someones feelings will eventually get hurt or trust broken no matter how truthfully one may be about it.

    the only time truth actually helps is if the person that cheated was repentive and was ashamed they did it and want forgiveness for their actions and worked to make up for that failure of trust .

    oh! I'm sure that they'll be others that'll tell you its completely OK // go for it // and all that but see inmany cases they've never had to go through that kind of thing most likely ,and if they are doing that kind of stuff karma just hasn't caught up to them yet but it will.

    i also agree with jonny who posted here

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  • If you agree then no, it is not a lie, it is not keeping a commitment but keeping an agreement to follow different actions. If it is agreed upon then disagreed upon, then that is the fault of the party who agreed. I don't want a relationship chore if the most intimate physical part is the most flexible part. Waste of time for me.

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  • Cheating is not cheating if you told your boyfriend that you'll be sleeping with someone else tonight and he said fine. It's morally wrong and dubious but if you're both fine with it then do what you like.

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  • cheating is still cheating, but this relationship sounds fake to tolerate that kind of openness

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    • That's because its an example. I never said it was real. I was just trying to give some perspective.

  • I agree completely, if your upfront and honest about everything then its not cheating. Cheating implies sneaking around, being secretive and going with another person behind their back. If your open and tell them your going to start seeing someone else, then your being mature about it since the relationship is not working

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  • If someone wants to have sex and hook up with other people and their partner knows about it, then what's the point of being in a relationship?

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  • If beforehand she made it clear he could have sex with someone else it's not cheating. If not, it is.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Its still cheating no matter what. I, myself, know my guy cheated (and probably still is) but it still hurts. He still talks to the girl, i have no idea what he told her but i asked him to stop talking to her. I swear he treats her better than me (JUST CAUSE THEY WORK TOGETHER). i can't dump him. I want him to dump me.

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