I feel so lonely and envy my ex?

I broke up with him, cause he was abusive, jealous and controlling. But deep down he was a good guy and we had so much in common and well, I just loved him so much. It wasn't easy breaking up with him. But I did it, because I felt it wasn't healthy. I lost my friends being in that relationship. He was practically the only person in my life aside from my family.

When we broke up he was contacting me constantly, so I still "had" him. But now it's like he hates me and is very indifferent. And I envy him, because he has good friends and they go out and have fun.

I have some friends and we go out too, but I don't enjoy myself and I feel very lonely. I feel like when I go out for instance I'm just going through the motions. I just don't enjoy myself and even if I go out or do things with other people, it just doesn't seem to help me move on.

I feel so dead inside. I also feel ugly, terribly ugly, and my libido is dead too. So when I go out I don't even look at guys because I don't enjoy it, I feel no attraction, nothing. But I know he probably goes out and since he's single now, he must feel very attracted to hotter girls than me, and well... I just envy that fact. I also envy those girls because I'm not hot.

I don't know what to do. I also suck at meeting new people, making conversation, etc. And I feel very lonely and feel like I can't connect with anyone the way I connected with him, not even with my friends and no matter how much I cry I never feel better. I don't know what to do, help please.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to work on yourself. To do that, he needs to be yesterday's news. The more you frame your mind around him, the worse off you'll be. "I know he probably goes out and since he's single now, he must feel very attracted to hotter girls than me". That thinking is gonna keep you feeling bad. What he does needs to become irrelevant. If he's going out and banging everything that moves, you need to not care. (I know how much easier it's said than done). The fact is that he was trash for abusing you, and you deserve better. No matter how much you think he's getting around and how "hot" the girls are, he's not gonna find someone who's as nice, caring, and genuine as you. I know what it's like trying to rebuild from a relationship where you lose everyone. I currently have ~3 friends because I lost all my other friends due to a female version of your guy. A lot of what you say resonates with me, because I've caught myself thinking it as well. Feel free to message me if you need support or anything, because it's tough, I know!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Wow, after all that what can I say. It sounds like maybe you just enjoy being abused and controlled.

    • How is he abusive?

    • Show All
    • Some people just have dark desires. They may not be what we are supposed to like, but they are there. And I know a million people will be offended by that, that;s why I wrote it anon.


    • You've obviously never been in an abusive relationship, which is something very good... but if you haven't been in an abusive relationship, then you are in no place to say that people who have been abused like it. That's like saying rape victims asked for it...

What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I didn't connect with anyone like the way I connected with my ex and we were together for so long. It was mentally abusive and my life was all about him, we fought often and all but I felt better being with him then without him. Now I'm almost 5 months pregnant and I barely ever talk to him, just when ever HE decides to contact ME. I miss the way things used to be, but honestly all I can tell you is that yeah maybe he does have fun and everything but somewhere really deep down inside if he sees something that may remind him of you I'm sure it will spark something. You could try to be his friend as best you can, but if not then just let him be and let him come to you. The waiting sucks...and I know what you mean about feeling lonely. Even with my friends and family and all the kind words in the world I still feel sad and lonely because I'm not 100% over what happened. In fact the only time I ever really do feel better is when he contacts me, but I never show it though. Its best to not make yourself seem miserable or clingy. Read my question, its my tough situation at the moment too and message me anytime you need someone to talk to.=)


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