My girlfriend turned down my proposal and ended our relationship. I am so heartbroken over this.

We were together for 3 years this November. I'm in the Air Force, and we had talked about taking our relationship further for a while now. I finally went out after saving for several months and got the most expensive ring that I could afford on my salary for her, and I tried to get the timing right too. I even got her mom and dad's consent before I asked her. They gave me their full support. I took out her out for a really nice dinner at this little Italian restaurant near the base the other week. Afterward, I got down on my knee and proposed to her with the ring. She was kind of in shock, but then she said no to me. She told me that she can't be married to a guy in the military. She also told me I better have the receipt for the ring. She just wanted to be in a relationship with me, not married, because she didn't want to be married to a guy who might come home from a war dead or something. I told her if she felt this way, she should have said something a lot sooner, especially considering how ling we were together. She never gave me any indication that she felt this way. A few days ago she told me she wanted to end our relationship altogether. She told me we can be friends, but never anything more again.

I feel so hurt and upset over this. I really loved her and I don't understand why this has happened. We had a lot of history together. I haven't even found the strength to take the ring back because I'm so hurt over this. She was the first girl that I really loved strongly, and I never expected this to happen. I can't help it, I was in the Air Force a year before I even met her. I can't just get out because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a military guy. I wish I could, but it doesn't work like that. I don't understand this. I loved her so much and I am so heartbroken. After she ended it, I just broke down crying and I have felt so lousy and upset since. I never did anything to hurt her, I just don't get it. I don't understand why the fact I'm in the military has to get in the way of us. I'm really having trouble moving on after this as well. Is it really normal to feel this low after a break up like this? Its been really hard for me to move on and try and get over this in the last few days.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I just want to tell you my story since I dated and then married a military guy.

    When I first told some of my friends about dating him one of my friends said, don't do it because he won't be here and it would not feel like a real relationship. And she was right, he was overseas while I was in the states and we only skype one hour a day or so. We didn't go on dates, didn't go out to a movie or dinner. just skype.

    Then he asked me to marry him and I said yes, and now I am living a sad life. I left my job, family, friends for him. He some times go on missions and leaves me. Alone, kind of like I have no guy in my life. And when he is hoem he works so much and doesn't want to talk to me or do anything with me. He just wants to sit and play video games. I live a lonely life, a life that I don't think was what I wanted. Do I fear that he may die? well, he gets sent to some of the most dangerous places in the world for peroides at a time, while I am sitting at home... just waiting. know what I mean? I some times want to leave him, not because he might die but because we don't seem to really have a relationship... so it's hard on military wifes/spouse/girlfriends when their guy has their number one priority as being a soldier and NOT being a family man... if you know what I mean... but whatever. It's life.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I'm so sorry. That is truly horrible. You're right, if she had an issue with being with a military man she should have spoken up a hell of a lot sooner and certainly should never have entertained any ideas of a future with you. I mean 3 years is a decent period of your life to know these things.

    Yes, it is normal to feel this low after you've lost someone who you really loved (especially being rejected when you proposed and then altogether a few days later).

    It will take some time to get better, but eventually it WILL get better. I can't tell you when this will be or how long it'll take for you to feel 'normal' again but eventually it will happen. I know- not much of a conciliation prize.

    She broke your heart, and yes you're a man, in the military but it doesn't mean that you won't feel it and it's completely your right to.

    I have no patience for women who effectively lead men on like that and dump them when he's done nothing but do his job. This woman, although you might not want to believe it now, was not the right woman for you. She's still out there and she will love you the way you deserve to be loved and support your want to be in the Air force and this will just be a blip when that happens.

    All the best.

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  • I feel so so sorry for you, I dated a military guy for a year , he work in Iraq after we dated for 4 months (in the convoy protection) , then we had a long distance relationship for 8 months.Things went well until recently he dumped me (over a email) for no reason (all I know it all happened after one of his team-mate died). I loved him so much , think I am a great and brave girl friend and I don't cheat. When I first met him, I knew he is the one , we talked for hours and have so much good memories together... From day one I knew he will go to the war zone , but nothing is perfect and I believed he is really good in what he is doing, and people die anyway, all of us will (have already friend died at home, road accident etc). I knew military is a different, and dangerous work, but if you really love someone, you wouldn't change who he is , you will love him and give support... or don't start the relationship. She is not wrong thinking of her 'future', most girls will... I hope she will realize true love is not easy to find, sometimes we tend to think of the worse, she is being realistic, forgive her, and try to move on with your life no matter how hard it is... if you want to cry, let it out loud... but remember tomorrow sun will rise again and you never know, what life is going to bring us, stay positive, ok?

    Good luck!

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  • Military you may die man. Maybe she is afraid of losing a man she loves, I would. I feel so bad for you. You'll get over it, but it will take some time. See it her way. Just pretend you were her and she was you. If you loved some-one so much and and they were fighting in war and all that you know you love them but afraid to lose them. So you don't want to marry them because if you die ait will hurt her so much. I personally wouldn't date a man in the military even if I loved him because I would afraid to lose him and sittingup late at night wondering if her is alive or dead.

    Just see it her way and move on, but I feel so bad for you. You'll get over it

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    • You do realize the vast majority of men in the military aren't going to die right? You're not marching off to full blown war every time you're called for duty lol.

    • Uh yer I do realise. But man it is still a possiblilty

  • Just too hurtful. I hope you are feeling better now. Keep your faith that God has better plans for you. Be safe and God bless you.

    Regards, Lutchie Marie

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What Guys Said 6

  • Wow. It's easy to dismiss other people's problems but if I were in your shoes I would be so incredibly depressed. I'm really, truly, sorry. If she can just break a relationship off like that however... I don't think she really loves you. And least not in the way that you love her. Do yourself a favor and ask for the ring back, or it's going to be even harder to get over her. I can imagine how p*ssed off you must be about all of this... that it had to end that way. You went through all the trouble to make everything perfect and not only did she turn you down but left you altogether. Just.. if you realize that if she can do that (and thus not really love you), as bitter as it is, it will be much easier to let go. Please do us a favor and don't give up hope with women in general because of one terrible experience. Just try to find a woman with her head screwed on next time... I'm sure there are many out there that not only would be find to be married to a military man, but rather proud of the fact. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

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  • Are you going to be a lifer in the AF? I could see why that life style isn't appealing to her if you are. But if you're only signed up for 4 or 6 years than I would jump back in and keep the relationship going until you separate. Once you're back in the private sector you can start thinking about marriage.

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  • Bro, stay strong and take it as a learning experience. Everyone is different but know you aren't the only one to go through something like this. Being blindsided sucks.

    Here's my similar story, it was 10 years ago, and as much as it sucked and still can, I am stronger and more confident than ever in regards to women and relationships (you may not be able to see it that way now but you will in time, and the next girl you meet and have a connection with? You can thank your former girlfriend for breaking up your relationship, because if she didn't you wouldn't have met your next love brother).

    I got a call 10 years ago from my wife and mother of our 10 month old boy, and she said she wanted to break up. We had been together 7 years (5 dating, 2 married) and had broken up twice before marriage because we were young and did it as a trial separation to see if we really loved each other and needed each other, it's different but when we did it those 2 separation periods seemed what we needed and made us stronger.

    This time around she caught me off guard and called me at work on a Monday at like 2pm. I was devastated, I mean totally annihilated. I was losing my wife, best fried and all, and also my son (which I knew right away because women always get primary custody, and I wasn't going to fight it out in court fcuk that).

    Long story short, my ex works and worked with my brother as a guide dog trainer. And it turned out she fell in love with another guy at work! Can you believe that crap! She tried to blame the whole thing on me like I wasn't there for her enough which was crap because I was always there for her and gave her everything she wanted.

    All I can say is it sucked and hurt. I never loved anyone more than her and didn't want to love anyone else. And When I found out from my brother she was in love with another guy, that hurt. This guy moved into her new apartment with her and my son! Ultimately they broke up. I moved on and met a great girl within 7 months and for a year loved my new life. That ended but I have dated a few girls and I am happy. I am with my son as much as possible. She is now engaged (to a guy she is neighbors with), and I really am happy for her.

    Just now it may hurt but you now have a new life so embrace it. When you think of her you will remember those feelings and that's OK. But be open to some new good times casual or whatever. You will be happy.

    A good little trick is to remember back to "the you" you were before her. Remember how you called the shots, remember how free you were, and how you had the choice to be with whatever girl you wanted, and remember how empowering that was. You need to remember that and go back to that outlook and lifestyle and embrace and revel in it brother. Best regards!

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  • Be forward next time saying you want to get married in the future if she says that's a bad idea then you know. Like the girl below said be there for her when you can if you get married and stay in the force. You could try talking to her about this. You might be able to save this. Your in the damned air force those guys don't have a high chance of death unless something goes wrong with your plane. Sounds like she didn't really love you at all if she just wanted to end it like that all of a sudden. Also don't prepose in public do it in private romantically girls like that more.

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  • S#itty man. But, yes, you will get over it. A little bit at a time.

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  • I'm sorry about your situation...has she been in contact with you since?

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