My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago and I'm still SO upset I don't know why! I keep checking his fb page, wondering if we'll talk, being sad during the day etc. To the point where it's even impacting my studies!
We started dating when we were both in Europe for the summer and I thought he liked me so much. He's totally different from my normal type - stocky and sort of the "strong, silent type," while I normally go for artsy skinny guys. But he was so kind and gentle and funny and I really really liked him. And he was always doing nice things for me/spending time with me so I thought he really liked me too.
When we got back to the US he came to visit me from his home state three times, asked me to be his girlfriend, etc. Which was great but there were weird things too: when he was visiting, he was also seeing friends (normal) and often would see them all day/evening and just come home around bedtime (abormal?). He'd show up like, three hours late to dates or dinner, and didn't make many explicit plans to hang out with me. I started feeling really insecure and weird, but when I brought it up with him he almost started crying! He went on about how much he liked me and how he was thinking about moving to the city where I'm in school.
Anyway, whenever he would go home to his home state, he'd call maybe once every two or three days, and we'd talk for like, 20 minutes. This again made me wonder if he really liked me. The only time I was feeling good about the relationship was when we were actually in the same place - then it was great & just like old times.
But all the not-calling and stuff was really getting to me. I asked him about it and it didn't change. Finally I made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum: either call me more, if you want to, or we should break up, because this doesn't really feel like a relationship.
He started calling me every day, but then two weeks later when he came to visit me we got into a fight. I had gone to watch football with his friends. He got high and didn't talk to me - at all - for six hours. I went home and the next day he didn't come back until 6:30 pm. He was like, "what is wrong?" Again I made the mistake of saying "maybe we should break up, I feel like you don't care about this."
Well at first he tried to convince me to give it another chance and I said yes. Then he went out, didn't call me for two days, and broke up with me via gchat. He came over later that day and said, "our relationship is just uncomfortable." I was so confused. I was like, "well, it wouldn't be if you would act normal."
Now I don't know if it was my fault or his? Was I too demanding? I know giving an ultimatum is a bad move but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be all committed to someone who didn't seem like they wanted me plus I missed the guy who had been so devoted in Europe.
Do you guys have any ideas? And do you think it was my fault? I am looking for constructive criticism don't worry I am tough.
Most Helpful Guy
Maybe you were more different than you thought once you returned to the real world. I met an ex whilst we were travelling and we spent so much time together I fell for her in a BIG way! Once we got back we lived in different states and tried to maintain a LDR but it just wasn't the same.
We were both very independant which was fine when we travelled as their was no agenda or real issues to deal with so we could just 'go with the flo'. Of course when we returned we had our own lives/ jobs/ friends and stated making time for each other less and less. We slowly started talking to each other less and only seeing each other once a month until eventually we mutually agreed to call it quits. I will still upset though I wanted it to work so much as I we had so much in common and laughed constantly. But life sometimes gets in the way. Obviously you had a bond but sometimes when it starts in an unreal environment such as travelling it doesn't match up to the reality. That's the real test to a relationship, when things are mundane and boring but you make it work you know it's worth it.
I still sometimes think if we had lived in the same city things might have been different but you can't live in your imagination so I think you need to put it down to an amazing time of your life that was short but worth it. Like the old saying goes: better to have love and lost than too have never loved at all!0