How can I get over my breakup and what the heck happened?!

My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago and I'm still SO upset I don't know why! I keep checking his fb page, wondering if we'll talk, being sad during the day etc. To the point where it's even impacting my studies!

We started dating when we were both in Europe for the summer and I thought he liked me so much. He's totally different from my normal type - stocky and sort of the "strong, silent type," while I normally go for artsy skinny guys. But he was so kind and gentle and funny and I really really liked him. And he was always doing nice things for me/spending time with me so I thought he really liked me too.

When we got back to the US he came to visit me from his home state three times, asked me to be his girlfriend, etc. Which was great but there were weird things too: when he was visiting, he was also seeing friends (normal) and often would see them all day/evening and just come home around bedtime (abormal?). He'd show up like, three hours late to dates or dinner, and didn't make many explicit plans to hang out with me. I started feeling really insecure and weird, but when I brought it up with him he almost started crying! He went on about how much he liked me and how he was thinking about moving to the city where I'm in school.

Anyway, whenever he would go home to his home state, he'd call maybe once every two or three days, and we'd talk for like, 20 minutes. This again made me wonder if he really liked me. The only time I was feeling good about the relationship was when we were actually in the same place - then it was great & just like old times.

But all the not-calling and stuff was really getting to me. I asked him about it and it didn't change. Finally I made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum: either call me more, if you want to, or we should break up, because this doesn't really feel like a relationship.

He started calling me every day, but then two weeks later when he came to visit me we got into a fight. I had gone to watch football with his friends. He got high and didn't talk to me - at all - for six hours. I went home and the next day he didn't come back until 6:30 pm. He was like, "what is wrong?" Again I made the mistake of saying "maybe we should break up, I feel like you don't care about this."

Well at first he tried to convince me to give it another chance and I said yes. Then he went out, didn't call me for two days, and broke up with me via gchat. He came over later that day and said, "our relationship is just uncomfortable." I was so confused. I was like, "well, it wouldn't be if you would act normal."

Now I don't know if it was my fault or his? Was I too demanding? I know giving an ultimatum is a bad move but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be all committed to someone who didn't seem like they wanted me plus I missed the guy who had been so devoted in Europe.

Do you guys have any ideas? And do you think it was my fault? I am looking for constructive criticism don't worry I am tough.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you were more different than you thought once you returned to the real world. I met an ex whilst we were travelling and we spent so much time together I fell for her in a BIG way! Once we got back we lived in different states and tried to maintain a LDR but it just wasn't the same.

    We were both very independant which was fine when we travelled as their was no agenda or real issues to deal with so we could just 'go with the flo'. Of course when we returned we had our own lives/ jobs/ friends and stated making time for each other less and less. We slowly started talking to each other less and only seeing each other once a month until eventually we mutually agreed to call it quits. I will still upset though I wanted it to work so much as I we had so much in common and laughed constantly. But life sometimes gets in the way. Obviously you had a bond but sometimes when it starts in an unreal environment such as travelling it doesn't match up to the reality. That's the real test to a relationship, when things are mundane and boring but you make it work you know it's worth it.

    I still sometimes think if we had lived in the same city things might have been different but you can't live in your imagination so I think you need to put it down to an amazing time of your life that was short but worth it. Like the old saying goes: better to have love and lost than too have never loved at all!

    • Thank you - all of you actually, but this is all really helpful. and I'm sorry YOUR situation went the way it did, too. it sucks so much when that kind of disillusionment sets in...

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What Guys Said 2

  • STRONG GIRL EH, I respect that... mmm... constructive criticism, basically you are expecting too much, being too restrictive, you know, like some men don't really like being followed or stalked or as I said, restricted, calling you across a state, I don't know... I don't live in the states, how much it cost? cheap? expensive? if it's expensive, clearly once every 2 to 3 days is alright, I have a friend, that has a girlfriend in the UK and my friend lives in Hong Kong (Asia), she didn't expect too much, she kinda asked him to like call her on skype? free video calls? so they basically just talk on skype for free about 30 minutes everynight, so try that maybe in the future... if you are having a relationship across the state/ country, I don't know about cross planets :p or universe or galaxy or milky way... he is crying meaning he cares about the relationship, he also mentioned about moving to the city to live with you, that's one hell of a big sacrifice... you both have wrong points, he is not being committed yes, and you are expecting too much... call you everyday, I mean sometimes my ex can't call me because of school work and she's a music student which requires a lot of practice... everyday... so all we did was just texting and FB or MSN... and well it's fine for her, and some occasional hang out, deep down I knew she's the one for me, and we liked and loved each other... he's also wrong about coming home late and making you worried I know how you feel, when ex said she couldn't make it when we go out for dinner just before the hour, I get fussy about that too, but I just hide them, point of arguing too much, sometimes fights can make us mature but not with frequent numbers of fight... breaking up with you just by saying our relationship is just uncomfortable is pretty irresponsible... like at least he should try to work something out... lady... finding a guy so devoted in europe is hard, but if you can kinda lower your expectations and kinda put less restrictions maybe if he goes out just ask him to take you with him. A guy going out and coming back late at night frequently (meaning going out 7 days and 5 days coming home late) is not an option unless he is having some jobs which requires overtime working.

    if it's coming to a point where you can't even focus on your studies, then well delete him on FB, don't read his texts, get something else to do, if you find yourself a bit unfit (not being offensive but I do this when I need to get over) go sweat (run, gym, I don't care), hang out with friends, avoid LOVE and SEX TOPICS for quite awhile, let things cool down, the more you look him up, photos, articles, the more you will suffer, you want to know how I get over, I follow my passion, music and just write songs, play music, sweat and I got over my ex in a month... you need to stop thinking about him being mr. perfect, there are still plenty of fishes in the sea, you will find a better one, mate.

    Cheer up and Cheers mate, hope it helps

  • hhmmm,kind athink it's cuul anyway,i guess you do know how he is,before you guys came down U.S,maybe due to accommodation ,he couldn't bear it to stay with you,let alone to tell,you,most guys do feel shy or bad to tell their girlfriends,may be the reason was a place to stay when he visits,and you couldn't understand,him,

    anyway you can try and get back to him,if you really think he loves you,but if he don't you can move on,

    i guess you do think about your move for now,



What Girls Said 1

  • Well it sounds like there were too many bumps in the relationship road hun. Yeah, you shouldn't have given him an ultimatum, that just puts unnecessary pressure on a guy. But what's done is done, don't look back on what was said or wasn't said. Focus on the present, and know that for some reason this relationship just wasn't meant to be at that point in time. Focus on you and getting stronger. Don't ever regret, just learn from it. If it's meant to be you two will come together, but only in time. Maybe the universe has other plans for you, something better. Sometimes things like this have to happen to prepare us for what's meant to be. Take care, and stay strong! =)


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