When I found out he cheated, I said really hurtful things to him. We tried to get back together a few months after he cheated and it ended horribly. I sent him apology for my behavior in the relationship. He told me he had been making efforts to become a better person inside (removing social media and learning about himself better). However, after a few days. I’ve realized although the pain doesn’t hurt as much, I don’t believe we can ever be in each other’s lives in the future. It hurt me to say that, because I still love him. But, i started telling him about all the ways he was wrong and how he truly doesn’t feel remorse or guilt (which i don’t feel he does). He told me “stop trying to get a negative reaction out of me. I’m not playing this game”. It reminds me of how when I first found out he tried to blame me and make me feel like i caused him to cheat. And even when we met to talk a few times, the guilt was always thrown on me. However. When I am truly healed and over his cheating. I do want to apologize for bringing it up and holding it over his head for so long - because after i mentioned everything, i thought “maybe people do make bad choices and realize in time, or maybe he really is trying to become a better person...” but then again, i don’t know. He told me “i won’t be your scapegoat when you are angry and want to belittle someone”. When i didn’t even say anything mean/angry to him. I spoke the truth about his faults and how I couldn’t see having him in my life. I don't know he just does things that flip it on me and make me the bad person, he always did when we were dating. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t apologize now. I just don’t know what to do with my feelings. I go from pain, to understanding, to wanting to apologize to being angry.