Stopped missing my ex but now I want her back?

Please read. We broke up and I tried to get her back and drove up to see her and brought her flowers and it seemed to go well and then she blocked me on everything and I had nothing but pure hatred for her for 3 months straight, I even found ways to message her and I said some really mean things, something hit me recently and I apologized to her and wished her the best and hope she finds someone that makes her happy and has a good life, it made me happy to say that and I was done, ever time I thought of her it wasn't painful anymore, but now things have changed yet again and I find myself missing her and wanting her back even though she really broke my heart, she was my first love and I lost my virginity to her.
Stopped missing my ex but now I want her back?
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