I agree totally.
It's vague just like current family law. In my opinion the default presumption should be 50/50,
Well as of now 75 percent of children who have divorced parents live with their mother.
Exactly, because that's the way the system is setup. The IV-D Program only MAKES money when child support orders are written.
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How in your opinion is mom more important?
Moms should breastfeed from the ages of 0-3. Are you going to breastfeed as a dad? There's also co-sleeping. Dads are more likely to roll over onto and kill a child they are sleeping next to. So, dad's are more likely to use cribs which are more likely to result in death. Moms are wired to better understand and respond to baby cries. Babies prefer the smell of their mom from birth. The list goes on and on. My son hated my husband holding him for more than a few minutes until he was older and weaned. Why rip him from his mother for the sake of 50/50, and cause psychological damage and emotional distress, when he had a very clear preference? The needs of the children matter more than the wants of the parents.
In all honesty, those are bullshit excuses. How do moms work after giving birth and still manage to feed their children? They pump, that's how. Bonding with dad while young is just as important as mom. Cosleeping has been proven time and time again to be dangerous practice. Mom isn't wired any differently to suddenly notice she's smothering her child... I'd be willing to bed statistics would show more babies are killed by mom in a Cosleeping situation than by dad. The NEEDS of the child are far more important than the delusions of a narcissistic parent.
Really? Moms are More important? Dad's will likely kill the child? You are so off rocker lady. Not all mom's are better than the dads. Yes we need to breast feed if we can. But if the dad is more fit because not all mom's are good then dad's can use formula if the mom isn't willing to pump milk for him to feed the child. I agree with @Fortwayneguy18. Just bs excuses.
I could not pump. My breasts did not work well with one, and pumps caused me a lot of pain. I worked a split shift to be able to nurse instead. Also, rubber nipples on bottles are very different from human nipples. They require an entirely different sucking technique. A child may have issues going back and forth. Cosleeping is not dangerous except under negative conditions that include use of medicine, alcohol, or pillows/comforters, etc. Cosleeping is very beneficial. www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...ed-age-good-hearts.htmlDr Bergman said: ‘When babies are smothered and suffer cot deaths, it is not because their mother is present. It is because of other things: toxic fumes, cigarettes, alcohol, big pillows and dangerous toys.’I agree that dads need bonding time and are important. They don't need 50/50. There's a reason why humans evolved with women caring for children.
@PinkMichae Look up the stats for how many moms murder are injure babies every year vs how many dads do... Just please do that and repost them here. When those rates drop, when newborns start preferring dad, when dads start breastfeeding (because they are full equipped to do so), then they will be in a place of 50/50 for young babies. I never said dads are not important. I already mentioned fit parents and good parents in my first response... Whatever is best for the child. That does not mean 50/50 just for the sake of 50/50.
You are so naive it's not even funny. Are you really getting your parenting advice from entertainment sites like Daily Mail?
Hmmm... Also, where does narcissism come into play in this at all? That's just some of your inner bias and issues projecting. It's common knowledge that breastfeeding babies prefer mom until they are weaned, and mom is best for them if she is a fit parent. Dad is still important, but he does not meet the same need nor is he as important to his baby's development until weaning. After that his importance grows greatly if he is a fit parent. That is why I said children should be able to choose. Yanking a nursing infant from a mom he prefers just to be selfish would make the father a narcissist.
No, I was posting that for the benefit of readers. I really get parenting advice from over 20 years of raising children, many years of coursework in a formal education setting, and years of using it in my chosen career... I'm professional, and I'm amazing at caring for children. I'm admired by anyone who has seen my results.
Your thinking that a mother is more important is what makes you the narcissist.
No, babies deciding the mom is more important is what formed my opinion. Like I said, the babies of every breastfeeding mom I have ever met have all preferred the mom. If that fact upsets you, then you should do some soul searching. Your ego has clearly been bruised by this information. I WISH my children would have let my husband hold them for more than a few minutes at a time. I really needed the break. Instead I spent 5 years back to back being a slave to my babies. Yup, that toooootally sounds like something any mom would wish for. XD Get a grip.If you are so desperate to be the center of your child's universe in order to soothe your ego, then adopt or have a kid with a woman who's a horrible mom. Your dreams will be fulfilled. Poor kid though.
You realize that last paragraph describes you to a T, right?
Not really, I'm not arguing that my child should be ripped from anyone to see me as the center of the universe. My children can go where they want to and with who. You are obviously ignoring the evidence (my children crying when not in my arms) in order to gratify your ego. That's scary that you would want a child to cry and be ripped for their mom just for yourself... You certainly won't benefit a child, so it's really all for you. In my arms my children thrived, were fed, were comforted, and were perfectly happy until they were old enough to be done and ready to tackle the world and have more daddy time. Thw whole experience was exhausting for me and many other moms. We don't do it for ourselves. We do it for them. Clearly, you don't understand that, and you make my argument for me in the fact that you do not understand what babies need. You only know what you want and don't care about what they need. You should not have 50/50 for that reason.
Stats have nothing to do with individual situations. I just think it's wrong to say mom's are more important to little ones. That's it. Discussion over.
by the way. Not every parent co sleep their babies. Mine was in bassinet and then a crib. I think a crib is safer than having your baby sleep with you when you can't control how you move in your sleep. So using that excuse why dad's are not as important because the child will die in the crib is bs.
And the same could be said about you ripping a child from their father. So I suppose all fathers shouldn't have even visitations with their baby because they can't breast feed. That is what your saying. The baby can't be away from mom but they can do just fine without dad. I don't see how you don't see that as being wrong. You work things out so both parents have their time. Because both parents are equally important to that child. And I applaud all the dad's that fight for the right to raise their baby too.
@PinkMichae Again, I never said moms are more important and dads are not. Moms are just more necessary earlier on when they are fit moms. Dads are still important. They just play a different role. Saying discussion over does not mean anything.Co-cleepers prevent rolling over onto a child. Cribs promote SIDs and accidents in which children are less supervised. You would not believe how often children climb out of cribs and are injured or become trapped by their cribs. That does not happen with co-sleepers that are designed to protect children. that would fix the daddy issue, but it would detract from the skin to skin portion of the cosleeping. My husband knew better than to try sleeping next to the kids while they were tiny. He did not adjust to wake up to them the way I did. I was a heavy sleeper prekids, but sleeping next to them I become a very light sleeper.It was not that one issue, so why single out that one? The combination of issues promote the mom's role early on in life.
My children loved their daddy while tiny, but they needed me more and were very vocal in their cries about it. Once weaned, they no longer needed me in that capacity, and they were old enough to state who they wanted to be with at any given moment. I believe that is fair when both parents are fit. I'm not sure why it's so shocking to support the baby going to who it wants to be with. Children know their own wants/needs very often. Most of us breastfeeding moms are happy to get more independence once they are weaned and no longer need us so much. It's quite the job.
Cribs promote SIDS? That comment right there proves your delusion. Sleeping in the same bed as your infant IS DANGEROUS and has been proven so.
Sleeping in the same bed can be dangerous under certain conditions. I already wrote about that, and I listed a link that describes those conditions. Let me tell you something though, how many babies would die of SIDS if their parents were close enough to notice that they stopped breathing and call 911 and perform CPR within that 5 minute window babies have before they die? Do parents who leave babies in cribs check on them that often? We know they do not. When sleeping with my children, they used me as a binkie, and any time they went awhile without suckling I would wake up and check on them. They weren't in some room alone, they were not at risk of climbing from a crib and being injured, they never ended up those babies that got stuck or pulled a dresser onto their heads. Had they stopped breathing, I would have been their to perform CPR. With my light sleeping, there was zero chance of me rolling onto them. They were bigger, smarter, better adjusted, and stronger than other babies.
there*My children always had their needs attended to faster than other babies. They slept more than other babies. They would sleep up to 6 hours straight as newborns. I never had to worry about them choking. If they became sick in the night, I was there immediately to respond to their needs. They hit milestones faster, they developed better, and to this day that are still some of the top ranking kids you would ever meet in any way. My family, like many others, has been doing this for generations with no issues. We don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so we are not in the high risk category for co-sleeping.
Who says we put babies in a room alone. Mine was right next to me in a bassinet. And yes you do check on them periodically. The way I see it is it's not the cribs that kill babies. And there's no guarantee that you will wake if your child stops breathing even on top of you. Sids is unknown. They don't know why it happens. But some people are deep sleepers. If you're not then sleep with your baby. But you can't tell me baby's in bassinet or cribs are unsafe. The amount of kids that grow up just fine in cribs prove that. But according to you, you have 20 years experience raising children. So you had your first kid at 10 years old? Wow!
Seems contradictory that my formula only-fed child, who slept in a bassinet/crib since birth, has been in the 95th+ percentile for height and weight. Not to mention he reads and is proficient at math at a 4th grade level as a first grader. Oh yeah, he's had two homes since 9 months old. But your way is the only way, right? 😂
@PinkMichae Actually, there is some info on why SIDS happens. One of the causes is a lack of the gene that causes the body to restart breathing when it stops. they simply do not have that alarm system. Other reasons include being too weak to move away from smothering items. I told you, I was an extremely deep sleeper before I had kids. Sleeping with a baby changed that.Also, there are cosleepers that are connected to the bed that are still safer. I've listened to a baby climb out of a bassinet with their parents in the room and repeatedly hit his head. His screaming never woke them.Grow up just fine. That statement to justify any and every type of parenting kills me every time. Millions of kids who have been molested grow up "just fine". Kids who have been beaten senseless can grow up "just fine". Homeless children grow up "just fine". Growing up just fine does not mean much in measuring good versus bad parenting.
@PinkMichae I've said I've worked with kids for over 20 years. I was helping run daycares at a very young agem since I was always abnormally mature for my age. I was alt a college reading level by the 2nd grade, spent my spare time reading and learning and caring for children, and I was regularly put in charge of my first day cares of up to 20 children below the age of 5 by the time I was 10 years old. I was babysitting for regular work/money by the age of 12 (I was with the children more than the parents were), and I took babysitting and childcare classes as well as home care classes in middle school. I took Child Development, Child Related Careers, Psychology, Culinary Arts1-2, Spanish 1-2, and had an internship with a job offer in high school, etc. I married and had my first child at the tail end of high school, and my second child soon followed. I worked in various child care and school jobs as I went to college. I've watched many of the children I helped raise reach adulthood.
Ugh, typing while eating ha ha ha. I missed the mark a few times. If I can interpret elementary school writing and preschooler talk, then people can figure it out.
Children (at least young ones) don't get to decide what's best for them...
But it depends on how young the kid is, there were no examples. For a 3 year old? Sure, 50/50. If the kids like 14 or 16 or something, they can decide for themselves
How is removing one parent from the child's life more "stable?"
its much better than never seeing , plus there can be a lot forth if one parent is stuck with too much responsibility, back and forth to other relatives. going every 6 months is not a lot of back and forth. you know where you are and where you are going. its very easy to adjust to. and you get more exposure to different people.
So one parent is more important than the other to a child?
No, not at all.If they did it on a weekly basis it could work better.I just feel like the children or child would be extremely confused with the constant too and fro