How do I explain to my kids mommy isn't coming home?

My wife cheated and walked out on me and the kids. She told me it's better if the kids stay with me. My kids are 4, 5, and 7. The two younger ones are having a hard time understanding mommy isn't coming back. Breaking up is hard enough, but I feel like I have to put my emotions in check.


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2029

Most Helpful Girls

  • You could comfort them and please, be patient. When my mother told me that my father left her, she wasn't patient and i was devastated

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    • As the day has gone on I know my youngest doesn't understand. My 5 yr old I don't think fully understands and there might be a bit of denial.

    • Then wait until they are a bit older, they will understand. I know it feels overwhelming and telling your children that their mother left you and her kids in the future when they are fully mature is a good idea instead telling them at a young age because they might not understand. You got this and wish you well

  • Im so sorry to hear your situation, it must be so hard trying to keep it together right now for those kids. But you can do it.
    When they ask where she is tell them she's gone away for awhile (unless you know she won't randomly pop back up eventually) if they ask why just say she wanted to be alone. If they ask why just simply say you dont really know, but you wish you did
    Dont tell them she's a no good rotten bitch who cheated and left them. you're probably really hurting right now and saying mean things can be easy, but for your children's sake dont talk bad about her around them. They won't understand and it will just hurt them more.
    As they get older you can tell them the full truth but at these ages and with it being so sudden i would just keep it simple for them.
    Be there for you kids, but also make sure to take care of yourself too. Its going to be hard to deal with all this, but you can do it.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is a great opportunity to teach your kids about loss. I personally think the best way is to tell them honestly that she isn't coming back. Don't tell them exactly what happened, but it's important that they don't hold out for even a chance of her coming back. Hope this helps!

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    • This is the answer.

      Stupid woman telling the man to lie to his kids. Smh.

  • Kids are way more cleaver than we realize, in fact, generally, kids are more observant of important things, than adults, because adults have been taught dumb shit is more important, than real stuff your kids are picking up on, like emotional harmony and stress and security of peoples interactions around them. They adjust. No family is perfect. You actually have no idea if she will change her mind, ask for full custody or what, seen it happen all the time, when couples separate I just know they rarely see things the same way.
    Don’t teach them mommy is a bad person and you are good, don’t go down that road, as the parent who does that will ultimately lose the whole thing, respect and they relationship, eventually.
    Just be there for them and get her to talk on Skype with them. She doesn’t have any motherly instinct at all in her? I have heard about these women but as soon as I meet them, they actually love their kids

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What Girls Said 18

  • You be honest without being cruel. Maybe ask Mommy to explain herslef to the kids so they understand it's not about them.

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  • My brother is adopted... he’s 4 and the mom comes and goes since she’s a teen but we had to tell him right now mom is at a different house right now and is trying to get healthy... he struggles with it and is in intense play therapy right now. They’re going to struggle as sad as it is just be there for them the best you can

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  • Tell it to them straight make sure they hate that bitch for the rest of their lives

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    • I don't get the downvotes on this, are people gonna defend her now?

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    • That's not the case though? Those are two entirely different cases. The child would not only be dealing with hate, but trauma of being raped as well. The child would naturally resent the mother in that case. In this, you're telling him to make sure they hate her.

    • I’m not saying to lie and force them to hate her or something, I’m saying to tell them the truth which I assumed would make them hate her. I know I would hate my mother if she did that to our family

  • I think they have books and certain websites to help you for situations like these. But sadly you will have to try your best to explain to them why she isn't coming back.

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  • Well that is never easy to talk about. My mom left me at 11 & a half years old and it was hard on me my whole life. Just tell them she is gone and when they get older talk to them about it. I wish you the best and the kids.

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  • I feel sorry for you 😞 and maybe lie to them that she has gone to another state for work & would return later? You can let someone else (any female friend/ relative) talk on behalf of her to kids on call & let the kids assume it's their mother talking on call till they get used to it (staying without their mother) & once they get used to, they'll forget it without efforts...

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  • You should tell them the truth. Sooner or later they will find out. Just tell them that their mommy is not living there anymore. That she find other place to stay. If they ask why, just tell them that he have someone else but still care for them. Tell the bad along with something positive

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  • Just tell them that she left. Don’t be blunt about it but you need to be honest

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  • Tell them their mother is on a lengthy business trip and doesn't have internet access where she works. Then 2-4 years later - tell them she cheated on you.

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  • You could sit down everyone at the table and calmly tell them, it's actually surprising how kids understand everything you say. You just have to see how they take it and talk with them.

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  • If you don't tell the truth you will regret it. Guaranteed. They will find out sooner or later. So just let them know

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  • Calmly explain it to them however how much you want to tell them

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  • Dont say bad things about the mom is all i can say.

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    • Why not? She ditched her 3 children. They'll figure it out at some point and be thinking bad things about her themselves

    • Yeah but that didn't come from you. Its their own analysis of the situation that brought them there. And them understanding it themselves is worth more than any bad word you could have said about her

    • @itzcrane let her actions speak for themselves. I would recomend even trying to show them that mom is in a tough place right now to show your kids that you have compassion even though you feel hurt. They won't see it now but they will later. You have to be strog

  • I was wondering the same thing but the kids daddy is not coming home since he cheated on me

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  • There really is no easy way to say it

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  • Better to tell them now.

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  • Best to be honest

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  • That's horrible!!! Like she's willing to give you custody and everything?

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    • she cheated on him, left him and you're calling him the bad guy?

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    • He did nothing wrong. Wouldn't make any sense to call him a bad guy. He's a good father just by asking this question as far as I'm concerned. There are age appropriate ways that you're supposed to talk to children in that situation. My aunt took classes when she was adopting my niece and they focused on how to ease your child into knowing that they're adopted. Anyway, it's a tricky topic and should be handled with the help of professionals (a social worker etc) cause what he tells them will shape how the view their mother and just because she left, they should still find out she ain't shit by themselves.

    • Yes, the first thing out of my mouth when finding out is "these kids aren't going anywhere, this is their home". She replied with "I agree, this is their home, and I think it's in their best interest they stay living with you."

What Guys Said 27

  • You tell them the truth... Don't make her out to be a bad person but don't sugar coat it either. They need an opportunity to process exactly what happened.

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  • First of all, that’s pretty rough and I’m sorry that that happened to you. As for what to tell your children, I think all you can do is say that you and their mother aren’t getting along and they’re just going to be living with you from now on. I noticed that someone else said that your wife should talk to them, and I think that would be even better, because the person who causes problems should be the one to explain it. Just hang in there man, and I hope you meet a genuinely nice woman soon.

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  • That's a hard one. Personally I would just make sure they understand that some couples are not happy together forever. Sometimes to make them both happy is to be with someone else. That in this case it is a good thing. No one did anything wrong but these things just happen.

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  • Difficult.
    The usual is mommy and daddy have decided they don't want to live together anymore. But they both love you and it's not your fault.
    Little ones may not understand this well but can cope quite well with the change.
    Older ones understand but sometimes don't cope as well.
    If you and your wife can cooperate over the kids, it's better for them.

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  • Honesty mate is all you can do.

    Try not to make the kids hate there mum even though it kinda sounds like she deserves it. That needs to be there choice further down the line

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  • I think, that its hard to explain it to 4 years old kid.

    But 5 or 7 years old can understand it. Just say, what happened and most importantly what will come next.

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  • What a scumbag wife. Cheats on you and tells you to handle the kids while she goes out and fucks some more guys. People like that literally need to die. Sorry to hear it man. Only thing I can say is... life goes on.

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  • Tell them she left. You don't need to go into details until they're old enough to understand it. That said. File for legal custody IMMEDIATELY. Keep track of ALL correspondence with her. The system is designed against you, even in the event of her abandoning, she has more court leverage.

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  • Make the bitch explain them. Tell them you and her are going to take some time appart and make her explain the why.

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  • I'd get help with that one.
    Not necessarily professional, maybe grandpa's infinite wisdom or the like would be enough.

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  • Bring her to court and get the aul money check off her every month to help raise the kids, don't let her skip out. If she's not coming back you could say she's gone on a vacation to whoresville :)

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  • It's a harsh reality, but your kids will understand it when theyre older. Until then, let them cry it out.

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  • Your doing Gods work if you choose to bear this burden.

    Besides, statistically women make far worse single parents than men.

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  • Tell the kids that their mum had to go and do some special work that means she needs to move away for a long time.

    Simples...

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  • I'm also a full-time single parent. My ex left the area. No easy way to explain the situation.

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  • I don't know what to advise, but man I'm really sorry that happened to you.

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  • Best to tell them sooner rather than later. Explain it to them more when they are older.

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  • U have to be mentally ready to emotionaly support them and be there in there time of need

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  • Tell the oldest one about that, let them explain it in a better way to the younger ones

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  • Tell the truth... It will hurt them but they will understand that and try to be better people

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  • i thought these kind of women only exist on movies 😐 , i think you should tell the truth like "mommy did something bad and she had to go away"

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  • Tell them the truth

    Tell them that their mom is a whore and a horrible person

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    • i keep telling people all women are thots

      they dont believe me tho

  • It sucks but you have to tell them like it is.

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  • That really sucks :(

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  • Tell them she died.

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  • That is fucked up man

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  • Hunt that bitch down

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