It does get better - HAVE HOPE!

A lot of people use this site, like I did, to help them overcome their breakup. But not many people actually report back on their progress. For those of you who are in the midst of the dreaded break-up...this is for you.

Last year my girlfriend of 4 years dumped me, lied to me and started seeing another guy. I was devastated...destroyed in fact. I literally couldn't deal with life for the first 3-4 months. And even when things seemed to get a little better, they would just get worse. It was hell. I could not imagine how it would ever get better.

My ex had gone overseas to study, so what made matters worse was that she dumped me over skype...and I hadn't even seen her face to face. I struggled, in no small way, for 9 months. Then she came home for a holiday. Everyone told me not to go see her. But I went with my gut and met her for coffee. It was the most important meeting of my life, because it gave me closure.

So the good news...I woke up the next day and felt better. I feel over it. It doesn't hurt anymore. There will always be sadness...but my life has finally returned to normal. So for those of you hurting out there...just have hope..use the experience to grow as a person and make sure you learn from it.

Updates:
I think meeting your ex is valuable if you don't need anything from them. The most important step you can take is forgiving your ex, no mattter what they did. And that doesn't mean getting back together with them, it means letting go of your anger & hate
Because anger and hate just make you suffer for longer. My ex accepted no responsability, felt she had done nothing wrong etc. In the end I felt sorry for her, because people who treat others badly lead a lower quality of life. I realized I was stonger...
...without her. The experience had re-shaped me and I had come out better for it. But she looked sad, the type of sadness you get when you hurt others. I actualy felt pity for her. She must have been in a bad place to do what she did.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you completely. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, especially since she dumped you over skype, that's awful.

    Sometimes, a big reason for people not moving on is because they're holding onto things such as false hope, having no answers, or even still having their ex's things at their house. Getting rid of all those things makes you feel so much better.

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and I was heartbroken because it was such a shock. It was such a hasty decision and he even admitted regretting it straight after. This made me think there was a chance of getting back together, I was so hurt. I tried and tried everything to make us work, but he didn't give anything back. He constantly said "he wasn't sure what he wanted" This made me feel so worse. And the thought of him being with another girl hurt even more. But now, I don't feel the same pain anymore. I got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of him, deleted his number etc and it was such a weight lifted off my shoulders.

    At the weekend I saw him out with another girl, and up until this point I dreaded seeing it... but it really didn't bother me. I think it helped that she wasn't exactly a hottie! ;) But things definitely get better, I still have bad days, but mainly good days now.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'd really like to do the same thing with my ex. As I was dumped by text after a year of dating. But I doubt the coward will do it and answer my questions

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  • I appreciate your post. I got dumped abruptly a few months ago and still have no answers. Was it worth it talking to your ex? Would you encourage others to do the same?

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    • I think so if you don't need anything from them. Go get closure, go forgive and move on. For them to treat you badly is a reflection of their own weakness...sometimes you need to go see them so that you can see that they are human, the idea of them is always greater than the reality - and I think its good to see that. Don't hold things inside...let them go.

  • Oh, man .. that's exactly why I picked up the courage to ask my ex-bf for meeting up. because I do need some answers from him .. and I know I will not find any closure if he doesn't tell me what happened. and I feel like he knows it .. and that's why he agreed to talk over a drink. I so want to be the happy me again.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I really apriciate that you came here to share your experience and give hope to those who are strugling to get over it. What kinda talk you had on the coffee.? What you said? what she told you? were you still bitter, angry or upset when you were talking to her. Were she really listening to you aor was looking completely disconected? why she did this to you?

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    • I was angry, and I was bitter. But I left with neither. She was weird, strange, distant. I could see the shame in her eyes. She couldn't even look at me. She couldn't accept any responsability for her actions. And I just felt pity for her. And my hate went away, and was replaced with a hope that she will be okay, but a surity of heart that I want nothing to do with her anymore.

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